i need help and advice

Actually, the baby WOULD have a father and grandparents. The father would be legally required to support in some form or fashion and, in many situations, grandparents come around when a baby is present.Having a child in day care doesn't mean you are less of a parent; many parents who are financially well off still put their children in day care so that their children will learn to socialize. It is not a gauge of a good or bad parent.If you want to parent, there are many resources available to you. From your post, it sounds like you are only considering making an adoption plan because the father and grandparents are saying to do so. Do not let someone else make this decision for you.

While I understand what Jenna is trying to say here...I want to point out that in some cases, court ordered support means nothing.Don't make ANY decision based on what might be, what could be or what can be - only make your decision based on the facts...I assumed that the state would make sure my son's father paid support...he just turned twelve and his father paid partial payments, three times, in 2004 - that's it. If I had been depending on that, I would have been screwed. Don't ever assume...anything. Don't assume you can't parent, but also don't assume if you do, you will be supported. Be prepared to do it 110% by yourself...in the end, I didn't but thankfully, in the end it worked out.

Thanks for that addition Brandy. ;)

Many adoptive parents chose/need to work full time and have the baby in daycare too!!Kids can do wonderful.

What do your parents actually say? How would they feel if you place their grandchild for adoption? (I'm not sure my mother ever quite forgave me.) My grandson's father is in the picture but my daughter still works fulltime because she's the primary income. Having your child in childcare may not be your ideal situation, but it works for many women. I placed my son for adoption because I believed he deserved two parents who loved and cared for him. I still think I made the best decision for the time, even though my mother offered to keep him while I finished school (I was 20 and starting my senior year) and found a job. For me that was not the best answer. (BTW, the father was not in the picture at this point. I once asked him - years later - what would have happened if I had told him at the time and he merely said there was no point going there.) Even though you place your baby with a loving family, remember that it will not be over when you sign the papers. Whether you keep him/her or not, she/he will be part of your life forever. All that said, this is a good place to learn and to find support. No matter what happens, at least one of us will have experienced something similar and can share how we handled it -- or didn't. (But remember - our advice is worth what you pay for it!) Ultimately you will have to decide what YOU will do. Remember, we will be here.

It sounds like you would be a good mother. One parent is just as good as two parents. The child will have two parents but the other just won't be around. On the other hand he may come around once he sees that beautiful child and I am sure once your parents see that child they will come around as well as the babys fathers parents.I have friends who grew up in a one parent home and they turned out wonderful.

I agree with everyone above. Really think about your life and your options and where you are going. Read alot of these threads and hear the ups and downs, the triumphs and the heart aches, which will all be helpful. Take in all the difference advises you can get of all the decisions made through adoption. When it comes to your family really Think about what your parents are really feeling dont assume you are alone, It could be a fear of you having to raise a child on your own till you find a real man to love you and your baby. Like some have said, many women have raised and very successfully children on their own. Check out the statistics of the accomplished women who not only have huge incomes, but are extremley well off and they created all for themselves, because they wanted the best for their child and themselves. I am a birthmom, who did not want to place, but did so for everyone else. I have to say, it was not the right decision for me, and I have spent many years regretting this decision and made many mistakes because of it. I am now 38 and a proud mom of four beautiful children all born before i was 25 years old. My first child I placed for adoption when I was 17, and my story sounds alot like yours. 20 years later I met my son, and he is wonderful, and the connection is much more incredible then I could have imagined. At times it seems like he has never not been there, however alot of the times I feel very robbed that we were not together through the years. I agree with skyeblue, you sound like you would be a great mom, very responsible. I think you would have more support then you realize. What ever decision you make, make sure it is for you that you are making your choices, and that you are 100% sure of your decisions. Its your life and your childs life. Please dont underestimate yourself when making the decision, and either way, you will not regret your decision!!! HUGS TO YOUTake careLisasue

thank everyone soo much for all the advice and support. to answer a few questions, my parents are pushing me to have an abortion, which i do not believe in, and while i know it is his responsibility, i dont want the father's money or help. my aunt on my faters side is very supportive and wants to help me in every way she can. it was nice to talk to an adult in my life who will love me no matter which decission i make.

Ladymae: If you have one great supporter,(your Aunt) than you already are ahead! Your parents are in denial and fear mode, in time they will hopefully come around. My parents did the same to me. Make the decision for yourself and you will be whole lot better off. Do not let anyone influence you either way, or the price will be bigger then you can imagine. Good luck to you and your decision! Take care of yourself! You have already made hundreds of friends with hundreds of supported thoughts and prayers just for coming in and sharing!! HUGS TO YOU!Lisasue

Unconditional love means so much doesn't it? Remember you do have that to offer your child regardless of any other circumstances. Just remember, whatever your decision, it will NOT be easy...ever!

let your aunt help you.

my aunt is already helping me just by being there for me. i am afraid of him trying to take the child away from me, if i do decide to keep it. i wish there was a way i could keep him away from me and the child. my mother left 5 messages on my phone this morning. it is difficult to think positive while she is trying so hard to drag me down. thanks everyone for the support.:thanks:

First, if you can just hang in there. You will be past the time when they can push for abortion. My mother suggested one to me, but was relieved that I was too far along to have one! Second, why would the father try to take the baby away? You've said he doesn't want any part of it.. Try to surround yourself with positive thoughts, and supportive people. Babies always change our lives, no matter when they come. Breathe (and keep screening your calls.)

Hey Kahuel you are absolutely right! Babies are not a bad thing, sometimes they just have bad timing. Sometimes it is a sweet surprize, which at first is very shocking and stressful. After I had my son when I was 17, I found myself pregnant again at 20. Im sure the quick trip between the two storks was a direct kick from placing my son, however, i have no regrets having my daughter, and my family was upset and shocked, and had all the ideas in the world for me too, but, I am so happy with all the ups and downs in mylife, I decided to keep her. She has a brother and a sister too , and although my life went a little slower then I would have predicted pre-children, I wouldn't change having them for the world! Ladymae, you have to think of yourself and your baby. Answering machines can be turned off, peoples advise can be ignored. Your family are dealing with their own stuff, dont make it yours. Right now its your time and this is your body and your life, when your decision is made, it will effect your families life somewhat or not at all, but inevitably it is your life that is going to change hugely! You need to maybe seek some help (besides your aunt, take her with you maybe) to help you make the right decision for you!. Regardless, my thoughts are with you! Take care of yourself! May this year bring you all the balance, strength,wisdom and love you really deserve! You have a kind loving heart, which shows from caring what others think! However, the best love is the love you should give yourself! It took me a long time to figure that out about myself, and the people who taught me did not raise me! I found it from my friends and children! BIG HUGS to you!Lisasue