To Catholic AParents: What if your child searches?

I am a Catholic Amom and I feel that it is up to the child if they want to seek out their birthparents. I know when my daughter is that age and if she chooses I will support her 100%.

Obviously I can't speak for all parents, Catholic or not, but based on our recent experience adopting through a Catholic agency, a lot of the secrecy is gone now----our adoption is open, many of the folks I've gotten to know through our agency's support groups have open adoptions. In our area, the agency and diocese are very supportive of adoption on all sides of the triad. As for me personally, no it wouldn't bother me to have a search done, but then again, times are different now.

My daughter is still very young at this stage. But, I will support her in getting in touch with her bparents. We have an open adoption but after they signed TPR we have not heard a word from them. I hope someday that my daughter will try and make contact. I am sure that she will have questions that only they can answer and I want her to know the answers. We did not adopt her through a Catholic agency but we are Catholic too.

I"ll speak for my own "Catholic" a-parents ( I quote it b/c they left the catholic church some 15 years ago and are pentecostal now but I'm still Catholic - my bmom was and requested a Catholic family) My parents were very supportive of my search. It took me about a year to tell them b/c I was afraid they'd be hurt, but when I did tell them my amom even had information to share with me that helped me find bmom. Your son is a grown man and times have changed. You can't predict how his parents will react but I admire your sensitivity to their feelings. I think aparents really need that in many cases from the 'older generation' of adoptions. I am of the opinion that you DEFINITELY have the right to know how your son has fared in life. You gave him that life! Good luck with your search, I hope your agency is helpful in connecting you two. Going OT here but since we're in the Catholic area- something that calmed me during the early months of my reunion was doing the rosary. I'm not very religious at all and hadn't done it in SO long - like, since my confirmation or something! but the rote prayers were very meditative and gave me some peace before bed when my mind would go crazy. I felt an overwhelming need to do it. So overwhelming that I had to get up during work wone day and walk to the Catholic bookstore and buy one. Strangest thing was that - about 3 weeks later, when I met one of my birthaunts for the 2nd time she gave me a rosary as a gift that she brought back from Lourdes. :eek: She had also given the same one to my bmom and gave me an extra for my amom "so we could all be praying on the same beads". Just thought I'd share - it was like we were on the same wavelength.:hippie:

As a birthmom, you do have a right to know how your child is doing.... I hope you are able to find peace about your situation and your decision about searching for your child. As an aparent, I anticipate my son have questions some day, and possibly wanting to search for his birthmom. I hope we are able to provide answers for him. I wouldn't be offended if he tried to find her, but I would be cautious and probably anxious about it if she were trying to find him suddenly and wanted to jump into a mother/son relationship. If his birthmom contacted me to say she was interested in his well-being, and even getting to know us, that would put me at ease. But at 29 years old, you would be able to contact him directly, if you find him. If so, it would be nice if you let everyone know up front that you're not trying to replace his parents. That seems to be a common fear among many adoptive parents, and many in closed situations. It was such a shame that so many adoptions were closed back then. 2 of my (female) cousins were adopted through CC over 30 years ago, and I wonder now if they searched for their parents or had the desire to.

DW and I are still on our journey but have already agreed that if our child decides to seek out his/her birth parents we will give 100% support.

For me, being Catholic has nothing to do with any of it. It's all about being human. I will fully support my children if/when they choose to search. I am not adopted, but I know if I was that I would definitely search for my birthparents. I, too, would love to meet the women who gave my children life. I would be honored and humbled.I wish you much luck.Carolyn

Hi there parents! To Storkwatcher: Thanks so much for your advice. I've done a lot of reading and self-examination and here is where I'm at: I really do "get" that I could never be this man's mother. That job has been filled. When contact is made with him through the CI, I will absolutely respect his wishes as to whether or not he would like to know me. I really would love the opportunity to thank his mom & dad-almost as much as I would like to speak to him. There are really no words to tell them how grateful I am for the love and caring they gave to my child. Most of all I would like them to know how much I appreciate them making him their own. I think I'm on the right track. Feel free to give advice or suggestions! I appreciate everyone's opinion~ Kim

Kim, your understanding of the adoptive parents would be all I would need (as an adoptive, Catholic, parent, not that religion has anything to do with it), to be 100% behind my adopted child building a relationship with a birthmother like you. We have 4 adopted children. Although two of them were removed from their birthparents, I am still behind any information they want or need in the future about their situations. And I would be blessed to find that any of their birthmothers were as truly sensitive to the feelings of the adoptive parent as you are. Josie

Kim, your post just made me cry. Good luck finding your son. I am Catholic (lapsed -- whoops!) too. My DH and his sibs were adopted through CC. My SIL did find her birth mom and she and my SIL's parents met for dinner. Unfortunately, SIL's birth mom died shortly thereafter. Anyway, I can say that I heard it was like the most amazing experience -- each parent having so much love and gratitude for the other.

Wow adoptive mothers...Thank you so much for your kind responses. I have nothing but the utmost respect and gratitude for you all. What would have become of my child if it hadn't been for someone like you? I was a teenager, my parents were going through a divorce, etc...and some loving couple saved my child from what would have surely been a difficult life. You hear a lot on these boards about birthmother's giving the adoptive couples the "gift" of a child. Let's talk about the real heroes here...the adoptive parents who gave a child a chance he would have otherwise never had.Kudos parents. Kim

Kim,That is kind of you to say. If we all could be on the same page life would be so much easier. The child is the deserving one here!

I am a Catholic and a mom to three children through the miracle of adoption. Our adoptions are semi-open/closed, which is what my children's parents wanted, but I will assist my children in any way I can in locating their parents. Should our children ever wish to contact their parents, we have the information they will need. BTW, my DH is an adult adoptee in reunion for many years. His parents were Catholic, and he was raised in a Catholic home. Although he was placed in the 60's during the "secrecy period", their reunion has been a blessing. Good luck to you. :)

As an Aparent, I don't think I can say much more to you that has already been said. I think it is wonderful that you are looking for your son. Others have said it doesn't have anything to do with religion, but I think being Catholic does teach us respect for the gift of life, which you obviously have. God bless you in your search.