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I'm wondering if anyone else is having a hard time sharing with friends/family etc. that you are trying to concieve after you've adopted a child/children?
Here's my story...
We've been ttc for 8+ years now either on our own or with the help of a fertility specialist.
We've also been foster/adopt parents for the last almost 5 years now. We always knew we wanted to be parents and raise a family and didn't want to put our lives on hold just waiting for us to become pregnant. So we decided to just do both at the same time. But I never imagined going through life without ever conceiving and bearing a child of our own and having that experience.
We've been so blessed to have fostered 46 children and to be working on our 4th and last adoption. Yet at the same time I feel at such a loss and incomplete. Still waiting and praying for the experience of conceiving a child of my own.
Now as we have begun seeing the infertility doctor again I'm finding it very hard to tell anyone, family, friends, or even our childrens birthfamily members.
I feel like we will be seen as ungrateful for the beautiful children we already have. Or like they will think we have no business having anymore children when we already have 4 young children at home.
I wish i could talk to our family /friends about it seeing that this will likley be a long journey for us and something very close to our heart all along the way. I'm just not sure I can take any critisizm or negativity.
I don't think they will understand WHY this is so important to us....when in their eyes our family is already more than complete with 4 children.
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I'm also TTC after adoption, our ds is 4 and that 2nd adoption just hasn't worked out yet. So since I needed another surgery to remove endometriosis anyway, we decided to try a few months of hormone shots to see if we could conceive. We are just starting month #2.
I have told most of my close family and friends what we are doing. It seems like our fertility life has been an open book from day #1, but it led to the adoption of our 1st child so it was worth it. No one has commented on us going this route...and I'm pretty sensitive so I'm thankful for that. I do think I've guarded who I've told to avoid flippant comments from people.
I too have those desires to conceive and birth a child. It doesn't mean I don't love my ason and the whole process that involved, I consider him the greatest gift God has ever given me and a total miracle. It means I am human and I am a woman. I think God made us with those desires, it's natural.
I struggle with adoption agencies wanting us to grieve our loss of never birthing a child and expecting us to fully commit to adoption. Fortunately it hasn't come up with the agency we are working with now.
I don't see many other new posts on this thread. We'll see if there are others out there in our shoes.
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Wow.. thanks for your response. It seems like it was forever ago that I posted that.
We've come out and told pretty much everyone now and I was so suprised by their reactions. Most of them completely understood our desire to experience pregnancy and childbirth and all that comes along with it.
It was a real relief to let that elephant out of the closet and to know I was supported.
Mostly I think I had an internal struggle of wether I was WORTHY to concieve or to even ask for more children....and maybe that's why I was reluctant to share the good news. But I'm feeling much better about it all the way around now!!!
Thank you for your response.
We are getting ready to start the injectables this weekend. I've never done them before so I'm a little nervous but VERY hopeful and excited!!!
I too have wondered if I should ask for another child, I feel so blessed to have our ds...am I asking for too much to want another? I think as long as dh and I feel we have love to give, we should go all routes to add to our family.
I'm starting my injectables on Sunday. I did it last month and it wasn't that bad, once I got over the mental thing of poking myself. I work with a VERY compassionate doctor, which helps. She sat and let me cry in her office today while just holding my hand and telling me she was sorry I didn't conceive last month. Since I knew we had upped our chances I really got my hopes up and then BOOM the disappointed hit me hard. This part of fertility treatments I don't miss...but we had decided to commit to a few rounds so come Sunday, I'll poke away! Good luck to you. I'm glad I found someone on this forum, it really helps.
I've been stuck on that way of thinking as well.
A couple years ago we had maxed out clomid and our only options were the injectables or surgery. My insurance didn't cover either, so it would have been extrememly expensive. But I kinda looked at it as a sure thing.
Now a couple years later my insurance does cover the injectables...thank goodness. But I have to keep reminding myself that...it PROBABLY won't work in one try. It may take months to finally get the right dosage and even if they finally do help me ovulate...there is still so much more to actually conceiving and carrying a child to term.
So I'm trying hard to prepare myself for the Dissapointment....but it's not easy to do...when your hoping and praying with all your heart that it will work or at least show some sign that in time it will work.