Biological child adopted by step parent w/out consent

It's not clear what you want here. Are you actually thinking of claiming this child legally and disrupting her/his possible adoption or are you trying to get out of supporting the child you created? I don't know how you find out, but don't understand why you don't just ask her. In any case, I'm not clear on why you want to know. From what you say you haven't shown even the most basic interest in your child--paternity, name, etc.--from birth forward "several years." Are you now regretting that and wanting to step up to your fatherhood a little more? If you've been paying support consistently, you've accepted the situation long enough, I think, to be considered a putative father, whether or not you are the biological father. If there has been no adoption, you may still be obligated financially now whether or not you are the biological father. You've had several years to prove or disprove your paternity and haven't bothered--why should the child suffer now because you procrastinated so long for whatever reason? In any case, it's possible your rights were terminated after notice of the hearing was published in newspapers. Another father cannot adopt until the rights of all possible fathers--biological, legal and putative--have been dealt with. The law assumes a father exists whether or not there is a name on the BC. I guess if there's been an adoption, that lets you off the money hook legally. Personally, I don't understand why--for what it's worth, IMO, adoption or not women and men are responsible for--whether or not they have rights to--the children they created and brought into this world. Children are not a quid pro quo "deal"--involvement/attachment for money. I've never understood this apparently common and very strong drive in many (not all) men to cut off their obligation to support the children they made. Whether or not they are involved in the child's life, or the mother "tricked" them, etc., the bottom line is that that man had sex and produced a child that must eat, wear clothes, live in shelter and be educated regardless of who is actually nurturing and raising the child. I'm sorry this may have come across a little judgmental. I hope you think about it, though, as more than just a problem to be crossed out of your life and as a real, live, innocent being that you are responsible for having created. If that being has the commitment, love and nurturance of an adoptive father, that's a wonderful thing that should be left to grow, but that doesn't mean that you can't continue to fulfill the most primary and basic obligation of parenthood--supporting your children.

I don't think this poster is trying to get out of his obligation - I think what he is saying is, he is still being demanded to pay support he may not be legally obligated to pay. Adoption documents are sealed - so there is no way for you to find out that way - the only way to know if an adoption has taken place is to ask her. If you suspect she is not being honest, next time she makes the threat, tell her that you would like to go ahead and go thru the Attorney Generals office so its all legal and documented. You are not legally obligated to continue support if an adoption has taken place - however, if court ordered child support has ever been ordered and you've not paid that obligation in full, you would still be responsible for 'arrearages' unless the judge ruled that arrearages would be forgiven. While I do have a problem with fathers who don't support their children - have an even bigger problem with mothers who continue to demand support, where support is not due, thats what adoption is about. She can't have her cake and eat it too - if the child has been adopted, you are no longer financially obligated to support the child...but as I said above, if you still owe support from prior to the adoption, you would be obligated to continue to pay until that obligation is met.

You are correct, I AM NOT trying to get out of anything. There is nothing legal. She never wanted a legal agreement nor did she want me in this childs life. She moved away after she got pregnant and I have never seen this child. I have asked her for the birth certificate and she has not provided it. Not sure I am even on it. There has never been a paternity test done. We live in two different states. I have tried to find out if he was adopted by her husband as she stated in a biography she wrote about herself but can't get the information. Not sure what his last name even is at this time. I never hear from her except when she does, yes, demand, I send her money and threatens legal action if I don't. The child is 10 now. She has never attempted to pursue DA filings or anything towards me. She also does not think it's a good idea I meet him now because he has some mental issues and has been in trouble in school with the police and thinks bringing me into the loop will make things worse. As for the person claiming I am trying to "get out" of an obligation, I don't know this child, if he is mine, and I most certainly don't want to disrupt the family he has ha for the past 7-8 years. She also has another child now. All I hear is how he is my financial obiligation and I need to treat him as such. I have never heard anything so insulting in my life. I would never consider a child a finanical obligation, burden, etc.... I can ask her, but she will deny he is adopted because she wants me to send money. Thanks for your insight though.

My suggestion, again, is to just stop paying. If she makes the threat again, tell her "great, I think its time we make all of this legal" and leave it in her court. You SHOULD make it legal anyway - at this point, she could claim you've never paid and wow...

Your point of view is pretty clear when you say "I have never heard anything so insulting in my life. I would never consider a child a finanical obligation, burden, etc." Well, I've never heard anything so backward in my life. Why the heck wouldn't you view a child you created as, first and foremost, your responsibility to support? Sorry, but a child is a financial obligation--a parent's FIRST duty, legally and morally, is to support their child. It's a simple and obvious first priority. Our culture likes to say the first thing is love or that all that matters is love, but it isn't--children can't survive on love, they need food, clothing and shelter first. The degree to which the parent is involved in the child's life doesn't matter on this point, legally or morally. The two issues are completely separate. Also, financial support is a legal obligation regardless of whether there is a court order in place or not--fathers who "wait" for an order pay arrearages. Fathers who don't pay regularly often pay arrearages--a fifty or a few hundred or even a few thousand here and there is not support, it's just temporary help or even viewed as a gift over and above the support obligation. Your point of view is clear when you say she "threatens to take me to the DA and do paternity testing." Why is that a "threat"?! How would that do you any harm?! From what you describe, you've already found a way, with the mother's help, to avoid your responsibilities so far. So please don't say you are not "trying to get out of anything." You are and you already have, for long, long time. And the child has paid the price--no regular financial support from you and no paternal interest or relationship. If you don't think those are high prices, you don't know much about human development. You're either the biological father or you're not. If you weren't, it would have been in your and the child's interest to establish that years ago when the child was born. If you are, you should have accepted the responsibility then, too, started paying regular child support and, if it was what you wanted, taken the initiative to seek and establish your rights to a relationship with the child. If the child has been adopted, then, yes, you may no longer have a legal obligation. If not, then you probably do. My original point was that too often, it seems to me, everyone talks and behaves as if child support is for the mother--even Brandy says "she can't have her cake and eat it, too." Child support is not for the mother, it is for the child. I just didn't and still don't really understand why so many men are so intent on ending their obligation, for whatever reason, to a child they created. The child still lives. The child still needs. The child still carries their DNA and will extend their biological line into the future. Nothing that happens to the child, even the cutting of legal ties, other than death, changes that. This is your child, why wouldn't you be intent on ensuring the best support and future possible for him or her? I see men literally celebrating their freedom from child support and I find it incredibly sad and wrongful.

Hadley, I'm not sure what post you are reading...especially when you said, "Sorry, but a child is a financial obligation--a parent's FIRST duty, legally and morally, is to support their child. It's a simple and obvious first priority."LEGALLY it is NOT his financial obligation if ADOPTION has taken place. My statement was - the mother couldn't have her husband ADOPT the child and still DEMAND child support from a man who had no more legal obligation to the child than you or I. My son was adopted by his step father last year. It would be WRONG of me to continue to demand support from the biological father, because he has no legal rights. HOWEVER - he owes arrearages (he'd only ever made 3 child support payments in 12 years) and he is still required to pay those. As far as I can tell, from reading his posts, he IS honoring his financial obligation to the child - he is just concerned that he is continuing to pay his financial obligation, when he may not legally be required to.Like it or not - when an adoption takes place - the bio-father is no longer financially responsible from that point forward. Since this fella has no legal 'documentation' of his financial responsibility and he isn't enjoying a parent/child relationship - and the mother is claiming the child has been adopted, to everyone but him...I think his question is valid.Again, I'm not sure what thread you're reading - it doesn't sound to me like he is trying to scoff his duties as a parent...he is trying to find out if the statement the mother is making to others (that the child has been adopted) can really happen and if so, does he have to continue to pay for a child that IS NOT LEGALLY HIS.

[FONT="Georgia"]Confused,

I could be wrong, but I think that IF you are named on the original birth certificate AND an adoption has NOT taken place, then you can get a copy of the birth certificate sent to you by the state as long as the child is a minor. You do not have to involve the mother at all. All you have to do is write the state and ask for one. What state was your child born in?

I agree with Brandy that it would not be a bad thing to get this resolved legally. In fact, you may tell the mother that you want to take it to court and get this resolved legally. Also, as long as the adoption has not been done, you have a legal right to see your child. I think it is past time for you to meet your child and establish a relationship. You are not doing this child any favors by staying out of his life. He needs his father! Have you thought about the fact that he may have "mental issues" because he feels rejected by his father? My son, who I lost to adoption at 17 and who found me at 19, has struggeled mightily because he felt rejected by me. Adoption and the resulting loss of relationship with me was NO blessing in his life. It caused him a lot of harm.

If the adoption has taken place, you need to check out whether they followed legal requirements in notifying you. It would seem to me that if she knew how to contact you, then you could challenge the publication of the adoption in a newspaper as not being adequate notice. You would then need to hire an attorney.

Good luck and let me now what state your child was born in.[/FONT]

Isabo , I hope confused is still checking in as you have some good points.. Brandy, we both agree the legal obligation exists before adoption and doesn't after. That was what I was telling him--same as you, that it doesn't matter whether there is an order or not, before adoption parents are expected to support their children. According to his posts, he finds this idea "insulting" and has made no attempt to establish a relationship of any kind with his own child, leaving the child with a huge emotional void (which will probably incur more $cost to the parents). He also clearly states that he only pays money here and there when the mother "demands" it and "threatens" him with a DNA test. He has not been supporting this child regularly at all. He avoided establishing paternity, which would probably have resulted in him being court ordered to pay much more than he grudgingly gave over when asked. And now he is trying to find some way to cut himself loose legally without, presumably, facing arrearages.... I'm not advocating that mothers should demand support post-adoption or saying that a legal obligation still exists post-adoption. My posts don't say anything like that. My posts were not about mothers demanding money post adoption, but about fathers who jump with joy the second nobody is making them take responsibility for their offspring. I'm just asking what is it with fathers who will do anything to minimize or skip out on support when it is a legal obligation? And who are so happy when it is not? They seem entirely focused on the money and not at all on the effect such withholding has on their child. Many seem to celebrate with such glee when they are no longer required to pay. My friend's brother actually had a party for when his kids turned 18, not a birthday party for them, a freedom party for himself--like burning the mortgage! It was disgusting. So, no, I'm not saying mothers should demand money post-adoption or that it should be legally required. I am asking why so many fathers are so eager to cut it off, whether or not the government is making them pay for the children they are responsible for creating. Responsible people do many responsible things in life without the government forcing them to. Post-adoption, not every adoption situation is the same. A parent, especially a loving and responsible one who has stepped aside for a step parent, may well want to continue to contribute, whether through regular help or the setting aside of a college fund, or something. If I ever gave up my girls for some reason, especially that one, I would still feel morally and emotionally bound to support them as much as I could. I brought them into the world, I am responsible for their presence. I would be obligated to do nothing to interfere with the success of their placement, but a lot could still be done without risking that. What is wrong in that? My dad always said his parents raised him to know that "you play, you pay." He is WWII generation. It seems as if that idea has gotten lost along the way the past few decades and I think it is a damaging loss to our society. I suppose I am guilty of not answering this post in the spirit of support and of letting judgmentalism (is that a word?) into my last responses. I apologize for that.

You are going to need a lawyer. You will need to prove she new you were the father, that she lied to get the adoption done. Or, the child may only be "using" the step fathers name. Most states allow you to get a birthcertificate. Try that first.. or have the lawyer do it. Try it the easy way, ask her, but a lawyer can give you the information you want.