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Anyone find it hard to say no to your childs birthmom? Or any birthmoms find it hard to turn down a visit or something even when you don't feel ready?
I'm asking because I have never been able to tell my daughters birthmom NO, without agonizing over the deicision over and over again. Many times going against what I thought was best just to save her from hurting even more. But many times hurting her more by agreeing to things I was not ready for and prepared to deal with so then pulling away.
I just wonder if anyone else struggles with this.
Like right now it kills me...cause I know her birthmom should be reading her e-mail soon...saying my daughter can't be her flower girl in her wedding....and although I know it was the right decision because I really thought every bit of it through and even wrote it all out in a letter to her. I know she will still be sad and hurt.
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I am sorry that you are feeling this way. It is very tough, I know. I just spoke with my DD's birth mom who just had a baby girl. DD's birth mom and I get along very well, but I think both dads (my DH and her DH) are more about "following the agreement" that we have. I felt so bad because she said, "you can come down anytime and visit!" And of course I would love to see the baby, but I find visits are extremely tough (on both of us, I think, well, at least me). After a lot of talk with DH, I have decided that we will follow our OA agreement (which is a yearly visit) because that is what we feel most comfortable with (right now). It is definitely hard to say "no" - - but you also have to be confident in the decisions you make as a parent.
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in regards to your question for bmoms, i find it harder to ask for things than to turn anything down. i feel like i gave up everything and that i am an imposition to D (the amom) when i want something. I havent actually spoken to her, all contact is currently through a intermediary. even so, i will sit all day staring at the phone, picking it up, setting it down, before i actually dial the number just to ask for an update on DD. i'm probably so afraid to hear "no" that i havent ever asked for anything...
thanksgivingmom
in regards to your question for bmoms, i find it harder to ask for things than to turn anything down. i feel like i gave up everything and that i am an imposition to D (the amom) when i want something. I havent actually spoken to her, all contact is currently through a intermediary. even so, i will sit all day staring at the phone, picking it up, setting it down, before i actually dial the number just to ask for an update on DD. i'm probably so afraid to hear "no" that i havent ever asked for anything...