Step parenting SUCKS! 12 yr old SD dating!?!?

Absolutely NOT!!!! I have a 12 yr old daughter and I am going to tell you that under no circumstances will she be allowed to go on a date, nor will she be allowed to go to the movies with a group of girls and boys. All of her girlfriends, yes, boys included, NO! Am I strict, according to todays standards, most likely, do I care? NO. I think the problem with our kids today is that we give them to much say in what they are going to do. Dont get me wrong, I listen, they have an opinion and are welcome to it, but I have the final say, I just dont think anything good can come of a 12 yr old girl or girls hanging out with 12/13 yr old boys in a dark movie theater. On the flip side, I have a 14 yr old son, I am appalled at what he tells me about the girls his age, offering to do favors for them, the pics on their myspaces are frightening to say the least. Kids are just growing up to darn fast these days, What happened to having slumber parties with your girlfriends and a bunch of girls going to the mall to shop and just "boy watch"....I would have never asked to go to the movies with a boy or a group of boys and girls at that age. Stand your ground, you are right in my opinion:banana:

What goes on in your home (or while they're with you), you DEFINITELY have a say on. Especially when it's setting an example for your boys!

I couldn't agree more! Gosh why is DH SOOOO stupid when it comes to this?? For crying out loud, Bear's mother was 13 when she got pregnant with him!! I don't understand why nobody is standing up and saying NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! How rediculous for this behavior to be encouraged! I thought he would have opened his eyes when while doing laundry I discovered thong underwear that was SD's (the EX bought and encourages her to wear). For crying out loud, her mother is not going to provide a stable moral ground...it is time to stand up and PARENT and not worry about them hating him. Personally, I could care less if she hates me for standing my ground. In the end, I am not doing it to SPITE her, I am doing it because I love her!

I think you're absolutely right! Good for you for standing your ground. Kids are growing up WAY too fast these days and 12 is MUCH too young for dating. I remember my parents making a huge deal out of making an "exception" and allowing me to go on a date in a car with a boy before I turned 16. My sister both had to wait. As it turned out, that "relationship" was nothing but trouble and, looking back, I wish they'd just said NO. My girls will most definitely NOT be allowed to date until they're at least 16...maybe older, depending on maturity level.

It is reallly hard to be a friend to your children, they have friends. They need a parent to guide them and help them make decisions when they cant seem to make the right ones for themselves. Unfortunately your SD is on a really bad path to continue a familiar cycle within her family, I am sorry that your husband and the childs mother dont want better for their daughter than they had for themselves. How is your relationship with your SD? Does she just see you as the "bad guy"? Could you sit down and discuss with her the reasons that at this age it is inappropriate (ex. Bad reputation at such a young age, peer pressure to do things she may not want to do etc)?Another thought, It is EXTREMELY important that you and DH are on the same page and if your not then it at least needs to be unknown to SD, I am an Ex-wife, my children have a step mom, I know how my kids try to play their dad and how their step mom at times feels like he gives into them when she thinks he shouldnt, the kids also know how to push those buttons. I continue to encourage him to not let the kids know if they , as a couple, dont agree on a particular parenting issue.Good luck and feel free to PM me if I can help!!

SD and I have a good reationship, but without a doubt, I am the "no" person in her life. I am the ONLY "no" person in her life and always have been. When we met at age 4 she could apply make-up better than most adults. This because MIL gave it to her and showed her how to apply it properly every time she was at her house. I had to step up and say "no". When I went thru her toy-box I collected more makeup than Mary Kay! When she was 10 and wanted to get her ears double pierced, I was the ONLY parent that thought it was a rediculous idea that she have this done. MIL was going to take her to get it done and the EX said it was OK as long as MIL was paying for it. I asked DH if he approved and although he did not, MIL said "don't make me the bad guy, her mother said yes, so just let it go." MIL is going to realize that such things will NEVER float with "MY" kids. She seems to have this gray area as to my role in parenting the SDs. I did calmly sit down and talk to DH this evening about my feelings. WE have not even met her "BF". I posed the question as to if EX has met him. I also painted a picture of his daughter sitting in a dark theater with BF (reminding him that we have never met him) alone. The worst part is that neither the EX or DH communicate very at all, and not very well when they do. This leaves the kids doing most of the go-between communication. I think it makes them privy to more than they should be too. Neither wants to be the "bad-guy" and say no, and SD is terribly wise to this. Thanks for the encouragement! It is good to know that I did not lose my mind!

Just one thing about boys and girls doing things as a group. I think that it should be encouraged. (With parental supervision, but I think that is important no matter what) My daughter has a number of friends who are boys. They offer support and insight that no other girl can give. Encouraging friendships and giving kids room to develop these friendships are important steps in becoming an adult. The best marriages are those that have friendship as it's base. How are they supposed to know howto be friends with guys if they are not given the opportunity to do so? On the other hand, "Double dating" at 12? Ugh, no.

A group of boys and girls in a drak theater..NO! A group of boys and Girls at a Theme Park...sure! JMO

I was in the 9th grade before my Mom would let me go to a movie with my boyfriend. The only reason she left me go is because my boyfriend's mom went with us!! She literally sat right behind us!! LOL!! I am the "bad guy" with my little one at home. At times she does tell me she's not my friend and I have to remind her that I am her mother...friends come and go, but I will always be there for her no matter what. Kids are growing up too fast...I'm trying my best to make sure my daughter (and the girls in her troop) enjoy their childhood.

This is a ruff one for me to find the right words...and not get on a ranting... LOL *sigh* Because this is a thread topic the one sense I started and said umm no.... and closed it instead of "posted" Kids are growing up way to fast. Schools and so forth are forcing them to. My oldest daughter who is 15, is being told she has to make choices that will effect the rest of her life NOW. They are taken to "job faires", visit colledges... and OH it's sickening. She has to choose her "classes" wisely in prep for colledge. When I was in school, colledge? yes.. ok colledge prep classes. But now, it's not that simple, depending on "what she wants to be" determines which colledge prep classes she takes.... And ya know.. . bite me... she is 15! let her be a kid geeze. She isn't old enough to vote, she isn't old enough to drive, get a tatoo, etc etc.... why not? because she isn't mature enough to make educated decisions... Then why in the world are they old enough to be FORCED into making life effective decisions for "who" and "What" they are going to be when they grow up now??? Then at the same time, "your to young" for this or that.... there is no standard of thinking for these kids when they are away from home. All situational when they are old enough to make "life decisions" for this or that, and it is frustrating to me. So for some kids with the lack of "home parenting" being done... making Grow up choices, leaves some to believe this is just how it is... Well I'm grown up... NOT ALL! but alot. These kids now adays have such attitudes. No wonder. If they are told they have to be grown up decision makers, I am grown up, I can do grown up things. Drink, drugs, sex, etc etc.... Does that make any sense??? what I am saying they do to our kids? Some kids can take it, Our home is a strong parented home. That's not to say my kids won't make mistakes, I just hope I am able to keep them safe from having to make certain choices in their lives, as well as I hope I have taught them well enough to make smart choices if I am not there. But what about those kids who do not have the constant parenting? Fool their parents? Or plain up don't have parental guidence worth a grain of salt? As a parent it's the best I can do is teach them right from wrong and hope for the very best. Ugh for now let me respond to the post, sorry I got off... Honestly?? I think this is a good "Situational" decision. Obvisouly this young lady has been taught no boundaries, and it's only asking for misfortunes and problems by allowing it. Situational Meaning.. My oldest when she was 12, had a well manored well raised boyfriend who was in her classes and also 12. She made mature and smart choices, they both did. For her? I wouldn't of had a problem allowing her to go to the mall or the movies with this young man.. To them, boyfriend/girlfriend at that time was someone you held hands with, and giggled when he kissed your cheek. Wrote notes to, B+J forever! I had spent a few as the chapron times with this child, and believed he would act no other way then respectable. You will shutter and flame me, But we lived on one floor. I left them play video games on her computer, which was in her bedroom. DOOR OPEN, LIGHTS ON! *she usually played with lights off* and I peeked in constantly. Sadly I abosultely know the gross and discusting behaviours of "other" peoples children. Some of these kids have no clue the reality of what they are doing, they just think it's a cute little game. I could show you a log file of a girl who spent the night at our house, I check log files of my childrens computer every day if they are on line. When I sat her down and explained that these behaviours will not happen in MY home I don't care what you are or are not aloud to do at your house. She really had no concept of alot of things the "talk" was about. I printed and gave the log files to her mother as well. She told her mom, that she thought he was talking about getting a back rub. She was lying... 2 weeks later she was kicked out of the local youth center for being with the same boy and his best friend. All had there had their hands in places they should never of been. She was only 11. So even if I trust my own child, I would also need to trust the family AND the child she is dating. I would need to have a few supervised by MYSELF visits before I would consider it as well. These boys above? I had spent one study group over seeing these two boys and have no doubt, I wouldn't allow her to date in anyway let alone go anywhere with either of them, nor would they be aloud within 100 feet of my home. So, It's all very situational. My currant 12 year old??? Um... not just no...but HECK NO! When she is 18, at the rate she is going!! I was hestitant to let her go to the mall with her *female* friend, and friends parents. Knowing full well the rules were to check in with mom every 15-20 minutes at the food court where mom contently sat reading. I know the other girls parents well. I trust my daughters friend more then I do my own daughter. I know these two girls together for any amount of time, there is so much hot air and ditzy ideas, and hyper energy, they could run a Disney park if you hooked them up as a generator. So as a blanket statement.... 12 yo on a date with a boy? ok not ok? I would more say for your situation of yours?? umm.. no! obviously good reasons. :)

I have a rule in my house for my sons and my daughters. NO dating til they are 16. I am very very very strict at what I allow my kids to do. For starters I've never allowed them to run the streets, spend the night at friends house unless i personally knew the parents. Now friends could come to my house cause i knew i was going to keep not only my kids safe but theirs as well. Now that they are old enough to go places they are only allowed to go with people i approve of. Do I choose their friends ABSOLUTELY. Do they hate me at times YES. But do they know I lvoe them VERY MUCH. And the other day my girls told me they are glad that I was that way with them and still are cause it makes life easier for them. They don't have to worry about being in a position where they will have to say no to something cause i never allowed them to be in a situation for that to arrise. In my house the ONLY privacy my children have are their diarys. I've never snooped through that. Other than that they know that everything is fair game for my scrutiny. And it's worked because my kids have and do come and talk to me about everything. NOw are my kids perfect? NO..but they aren't out there doing drugs, having sex, drinking and being wild. They aren't running around half dressed. Now don't get me wrong..teens will still find ways to do things they aren't supposed to. I would stand your ground. She may hate you now but some day she will thank you. It's our jobs as parents to protect our children even our stepchildren from the cruel world. Tell your husband this how he would feel if she got pg at 12 or worse was date raped. It does happen. I'm not saying this boy has bad intentions but we have no idea what his intentions are. She is way to young in my opinion.