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I was contacted by a woman from Tennessee who saw us on one of the big adoption websites.
She said she is 23 and her husband is 24. They have six kids between them (she had her first at 16). They loved our profile etc...want to adopt the baby she is pregnant with and due at the end of April.
We've been speaking for two days. I of course being who I am got so excited because they for sure like us and will not change their minds. The baby is a girl. When we are on the phone I hear the babies in the back. The woman likes to keep me on the phone for a long time....She does a lot of the talking but she's busy.
All of a sudden I'm like DUH
She sent me 3 ultrasounds by email. NONE of them had a name or date on them
She sent me a picture of a man who has literally her exact face (could he be her brother or relative???)
I only say that because she seemed very hesitant to "let our husbands speak to each other"
They already let their children know that this baby is going to go live with someone else and it has been decided for a while, why then pick someone at the very last minute (this one is possible) and finally
She asked if our consultant would be calling from an 800 number. All private adoptions have 800 numbers. Is she avoiding other calls from people like me?
There were a few more things...our consultant is GREAT at feeling people out to see if they are telling the truth. But the ultrasound thing FREAKED me out. My first instinct was that they were downloaded from the Internet.
BTW, Arizona PBM didn't call again. Was supposed to go to the doctor today.
I DON'T KNOW HOW TO PROTECT MYSELF FROM GETTING HURT ANYMORE. I have to sound a little excited but inside I'm just dead. I used to get so excited but I just can't anymore. Which is so sad. And it's sad that there are many many people willing to take advantage of others. I guess I'm super naive. I HOPE I'M WRONG ABOUT THIS ONE BUT EVERYTHING SAYS I'M RIGHT. I don't want to become paranoid.
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She keeps emailing us and calling but then won't take our consultant's call.
She makes up crazy excuses (crazy)
The ultrasounds WERE from the internet.
Each situation is different for us (all failed for different reasons) but this was the first time someone really set out to hurt us.
Another signal apparently was that she picked us immediately without knowing us...duh.
Anyway, my husband is really angry and so am I understandably. We wont' fall for it again but has anyone actually succeeded in getting one of these jerks in trouble? I have reported it on the sites, tried a reverse telephone search, looked on my space under her name BUT OBVIOUSLY IT'S NOT HER REAL NAME. But we still want to find her.
Just wondering. We are going to take a break. It's ridiculous to keep praying and keep our chins up when we get knocked down pretty much every week.
Thanks.
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Gwenn:
It is going to happen.
I have a dear friend who was at the private adoption thing for almost three years (not saying it will take you that long.) She had almost given up after getting scammed more than once and having her heartbroken time and time again. Just when she was at her limit emotionally and financially, she found her match. She just brought home her son (who is perfect in everyway) and the birthmother terminated her rights in court that very same week.
I use to tell her that all the pain would one day just go away... I know that is hard to hear when you are in it, but you will find your baby and she/he will find you. The journey will have all been worth it.
In the meantime, keep talking, sharing, venting, crying. There are so many of us who are here for you.
Peace and love,
K
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Stormster
It's ridiculous to keep praying and keep our chins up when we get knocked down pretty much every week.
Gwenn,
A friend of mine once told me, as I am now telling you:
When you feel you can no longer hope, do not worry. I will hold the hope for you and it will still be there.:flowergift:
Christie
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We are going to take a one month break because even though I got right back on the horse after Texas (wow everyone said I was so strong!) I am still having a little PTSD from it. Dreams, dread, pain....crop up esp. at night.
We are going to my inlaws in England in March. Until then we are going to lay low. Let the advertising speak for itself and pull parent profiles back a little. And some time in April we are going to decide if we want to pursue International adoption simultaneously.
There have been bleak times when I have gone back to shock over my infertility, felt sorry for myself that I will never have what almost every other woman has....and for the first time, I ache when I see pregnant women. They look so beautiful but I get sad.
Thanks everyone for the support and thanks for holding my hope for a little while while I rest.
Hugs to you
G.:thanks:
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I had a failure for each success:
#1 failed - girl had serious medical issues (she went to an adoptive family where both parents were doctors!)
#2 SUCCESS - My little Pumpkin. (Has chronic severe health issues that surfaced later.)
#3 failed - SW first offered girl, then wanted to place all three siblings together G-B-B. Didn't think that I could afford to raise 4 at once.
#4 SUCCESS - My little Fritter. (She has RAD but we didn't know what that was then.)
#5 failed - mother withdrew consent.
#6 SUCCESS - Parents had substance-abuse problems but Little Mister is in good health and adoption was finalized after two years of expensive legal manuevering!
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This Thursday and Friday Dr. Phil will be doing a two-part show about a woman who scammed three couples out of money by promising them her baby. Don't know if she had baby and kept it or if she was just after the money. It might be worth watching!
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Some of you might know from my other posts that we have moved forward with the PBM we have been speaking to for a while now. The one who actually helped me on the phone in Texas!!!
Her little boy is due in June. I am feeling the following things:
Waiting for the other shoe to drop
Wanting to buy a layette NOW
Low grade europhia
Low grade fear
Medium grade fear
Dancing in the streets
Taking a sleeping pill and not waking up until June
Paranoid every day she doesn't check in
Scared to talk to her and saying something wrong
Picking names and changing them every hour
FEELING I DON'T DESERVE THIS....this one might be for the pros
I just don't want my fear to end up being a self fulfilling prophecy, know what I mean?
Does it work that way? Please tell me it doesn't. Please tell me the plan's been made and fate is set and I can't do anything to mess it up.
Gosh I'm a MESS.
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Gwenn,
All of which is NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!! I would think your radar would be completely turned off if you weren't having those feelings. Take care of yourself and keep busy.
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Denice is so right. And let me say that I had EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE FEELINGS YOU LISTED. One day up, the next down, one HOUR up, the next down. Geesh, it's about enough to make you question your sanity. You're fine, girl. Trust me.
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Stormster
Please tell me the plan's been made and fate is set and I can't do anything to mess it up.
Gosh I'm a MESS.
Stormster,
{{HUGS}}
I have been through a time period where my faith was shaken to the point I believed in nothing but randomness.
Recently a friend of mine pointed out to me how unique it is that my little boy - who had some particular needs - came into a family equipped to meet those exact needs. I had a counseling practice where I worked with children. My husband and I are both quiet, gentle people. My child needed (and still needs to a degree) some special care which, amazingly enough, he has been placed into an enironment which is able to fulfill those special needs on a daily basis. I haven't written much about him and the problems he has - but he is so amazing in that he can now do regular things other kids do. Not always - but most of the time, and we are still working with him. I could go a LOT into his needs and how my particular family (husband, grandparents, etc.) has exactly what he has needed.
But I am rambling. So let me just say that the conversation with my friend has me re-thinking things.
Also - it takes a very special family to be able to survive years of court trauma and still raise our children. PERHAPS (and I am still not sure) those of us going through these long court battles were specifically chosen for these children. If so then yes, there is a fate, and a very particular one, for us and our children.
Christie
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Stormster
Please tell me the plan's been made and fate is set and I can't do anything to mess it up.
Gosh I'm a MESS.
Stormster,
{{HUGS}}
I have been through a time period where my faith was shaken to the point I believed in nothing but randomness.
Recently a friend of mine pointed out to me how unique it is that my little boy - who had some particular needs - came into a family equipped to meet those exact needs. I had a counseling practice where I worked with children. My husband and I are both quiet, gentle people. My child needed (and still needs to a degree) some special care which, amazingly enough, he has been placed into an enironment which is able to fulfill those special needs on a daily basis. I haven't written much about him and the problems he has - but he is so amazing in that he can now do regular things other kids do. Not always - but most of the time, and we are still working with him. I could go a LOT into his needs and how my particular family (husband, grandparents, etc.) has exactly what he has needed.
But I am rambling. So let me just say that the conversation with my friend has me re-thinking things.
Also - it takes a very special family to be able to survive years of court trauma and still raise our children. PERHAPS (and I am still not sure) those of us going through these long court battles were specifically chosen for these children. If so then yes, there is a fate, and a very particular one, for us and our children.
Christie
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I hear ya, but if we don't advertise then nobody will know we exist. We don't have an agency working on our behalf.
I"m being fairly aggressive about the advertising but then I'm going let go (and let God do his thing).
In the meantime I have a good job starting on Monday! I didn't want to be in a situation of having to take calls at work but I guess I'll have to figure it out now.
Thanx
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