Anyone have birthparents who are parenting another child?

I have a sort-of open relationship with my son's bfamily. My son's bfather isn't safe right now, so we're not in contact. My son's bmother has just abandoned her second child to the system, and when I called her two days ago, she gave me the cold shoulder.But she has my number and can call it any time. In the meantime, I'm in touch with her brother and the grandmother who is raising my son's bsister.Openness: not an easy thing.

My son's bfather has another child now with a different woman (not my son's bmother) and he was born in August. My son's bfather was reluctant to tell me because of his fear of CPS but the baby's mother is a lot more capable of being a good mother than my son's bmother. She is young but has a good support system with her family so I have no doubt that this child will be okay. It is kind of awkward when we have the visits and my son now has another half-sibling (he has 3 half-siblings from his bmother's prior relationship). I was not surprised that he had another child and at least my son will have a relationship with his little brother unlike his other siblings that he has never met. Their adoptive mother had a fear of the bmother and is reluctant to let Johnny meet with her kids because of that situation. I have tried to get the worker to get in touch with the adoptive mother and let her know that the bmother is no longer in the picture and that she has nothing to fear. But no such luck...

Sort of. In our case they TPR'd on the father for both my son and his half sibs. They actually DID TPR on the mother of the half sibs as well, but they were adopted by their grandparents and their mom is living in the same home. Is that really weird? So it means she has all the access of a parent without the legal title. I don't envy her parents trying to juggle that one! But it does make my son very unhappy.

stevenstwin, I had the same situation that you mentioned was really wierd . . and i agree . . it can be. My husband and I adopted his daughter's daughter and she lived with us. The wierder part, IMO, is she didn't take much interest in her child other than to show baby pictures to her friends. We haven't heard from her in over a year and she is parenting her second born at her mother's house. We hear she is not doing a stellar job at that, but it does feel odd knowing that our daughter has a half sister who visits her dad within 10 minutes from our house. They are only a year apart. I wish they could get to know each other . .. maybe in time.

Yes, that sounds pretty similar. Her mom was telling me that she comes home from work and goes straight to her room, and often won't even come out to say goodnight to the kids. I'm guessing she won't be living their too long! Oh yeah - and this will be interesting. My son is allowed 2 week-long visits per year with his half-sibs, but "she" is not allowed to have any contact whatsoever with him. So I'm not sure how they are going to swing that one, either!

Although our placements are not from foster care, both are (infant, domestic) are from families where Mom was already parenting and chose adoption. DD has two older sisters whose intended parent is their Mom, but who are currently in foster/kinship care. DS has an older brother and as of last contact, he was being parented by his Mom. We have met them all and the relationships are intended to be open. We are doing our part in keeping the doors open.

I had a really hard time at first with our situation. My daughter came to us at 14 months. About 6 months into her case her birthmom got pregnant again. They let her keep the baby since a case hadn't been opened on her new little one and since the plan for my daughter was still re-unification. But right before my daughter was about to go home to her (after beign with us a year and a half) her mom tested positive for drugs and ended up having to sign over her rights because she was about to loose my daughter anyways and because if she didn't do it before the next court hearing (1 week away) they would have taken her new baby into care as well. But what really bothered me was that they knew her birthmom was still using (with the baby at home) and because she signed her rights away and they closed the case they didn't even follow up on that other baby. I was furious at first....how the system could just turn their heads at the whole situation and let that poor baby continue down that same path my daughter was on. Her birthmom later told me that she was REALLY Heavy into drugs for the next 4 months. She was at her all time worst. When I heard this it made me EVEN more mad. How could she continue to do that after she saw and felt the pain it caused her in loosing her first child. Later I asked her if she was worried that DHS would come back to check up on her and possibly loose her other baby. She said "No, they had no reason to...they didn't have a case opened on her"....urgg it made me even more mad. Still a part of me is MAD at DHS for not stepping in and standing up for my daughters sister back when they knew she wasn't being cared for properly. Of course I didn't want her to loose both her girls if she didn't have to...but in my mind DHS should have stepped in and opened a case on her so they could follow up on her and make sure she was going to be ok. The good news is that she did make some changes in her life after she hit rock bottom and she's been coming uphill ever since. But what if she hadn't? If the same condition exist ....of why she couldn't at the time provide a home for my daughter why was she allowed at the time to parent her newborn baby????

The sibling group that we adopted (Shawn, 7 and Shilo, 4) have bio siblings that mom is parenting. Shawn & Shilo were her first 2 children and were 4 months and 3 years when they came into foster care with us. Mom has since had 3 more children & is pregnant again. She has a 3 year old, 2 year old, 1 year old & is pregnant again. We HAD a very open relationship but bio mom has chosen to "drop out of the picture" for up to 6 months at a time & it is not in the best interest of the children to continue that way so it is much less open. Bio mom and I talk on the phone & I send pictures regularly but the kids don't really have contact with her personally.

I've adopted from 2 families who went on to have other children. The first, the bio mom relinquished on "my" 2 children, but kept her 3rd (different dad). It hurts my heart that she chose to give up 2 (ages 4 & 6) and keep 1. However, the baby was the first child of the new boyfriend (who was convicted of beating "my" 2); and his family stepped in and helped them keep her. They have face-to-face contact with bio mom, step-dad, and half-sis (who is now 8). My son was worried for his half-sis' safety, and my daughter wants to spend as much time with her sister as possible. It's a strange relationship, but we seem to make it work. We meet up about 3 times a year. The bio mom is very supportive of our raising A & S - we both just call them "our" kids. We email frequently, and it's a comfort knowing she's there if we ever need her for medical issues. The second, G's mom, relinquished at court when she realized she couldn't win. CPS made a deal with her that they wouldn't take the baby unless there was a referral (she was pregnant during the termination hearing) if she gave up G. We don't have face-to-face visits, but we send cards, letters & pictures. G was only 2 when he came to live with us, and never lived with his full brother, so it seems a little easier on him. The third family we have no contact with, although bio mom has my PO box # and email address. For all I know, she could have had more children since we adopted the 3 girls - she was devastated to lose them (although she relinquished) and I can certainly see her having more. She has a very low IQ and (as far as I know) is still with the girls bio dad who SX abused them.

I completely understand your frustration! I am in a very similar situation. I adopted two girls in 11/06 after fostering them for over 13 months. Their bm gave birth for a third time in 9/06 and we were suppose to take the baby from the hospital but there was miscommunication and deals were made and she went home with the baby. We ended up taking the baby (full bio sister to my two) in as a foster child at the end of November. She just returned to the bm two weeks ago. I too am frustrated that bm is allowed to keep one after giving up the other two, especially since they are all very close in age. The social worker is suppose to follow up with the mother and baby for the next six months but I don't know how much "following up" will actually take place. The social worker seems to have pretty much given up on the case and just seemed to want to return the baby to get everyone off her back. BF is extremely difficult to deal with and I think social worker was done with him. Anyway, I understand your frustrations and hope for the best with the new baby.