From Foster/Adopt to Straight Adopt

Hi! We are in upstate NY and are were in the process of being approved through LDSFS-have our homestudy done just need those pesky FBI fingerprints back that NY recently implemented. We are also foster/adopt and had some heartbreak. Everything with LDSFS has been put on hold, not what we expected to do at this point, we have been chosen as a pre-adoptive home for an 11 month old baby boy through foster/adopt. At first we were very hesitant and then we met him, we feel this is our son so...we are back foster/adopt for now. Wish you the best on your journey. I wonder if we use the same office?Lori

Hi There and welcome! I have never done any foster care but I am currently certified and waiting to be matched and we are using LDSFS and have had nothing but good experiances! Good Luck!!

Hi Lori & Kara, Lori: yes, I think we are likely using the same agency. We, too, would put our straight adoption aspirations on hold if an adoptable child became available through DYFS. In the meantime, we think adopting through LDSFS is a worthwhile pursuit. After fostering a couple of children and then going through the reunification of our last sweet foster baby, who the caseworkers swore would become adoptable, I can't help but be thrilled at the idea of a straight adoption. We are a little newer in the process -- paperwork just completed/fingerprints next week/home visit after that I imagine. I think we're ready as we were just renewed w/ DYFS and the only way our house could be any safer is if it was bubble-wrapped! (ha ha) Kara: congrats on completing your homestudy and getting the word out! Here's to hoping all of our dreams of becoming mommies will come true in the NEAR FUTURE! :) Jennifer

it's funny. we wanted a closed or semi -open adoption. when we talked to C, who eventually became our bmom, she said semi was fine. i personally felt pressure to be as open as possible to keep our chances of adopting greater. after getting to know C through her pregnancy and birth of our baby we have evolved into an open adoption. after talking to C and bdad about this, they both said they wanted a closed adoption, but felt pressure for an open adoption, not from us, but from society. so, here we are in this open adoption that is wonderful, but not what we originally intended.

Hi 2manyks, Thanks for your perspective! I think we've become VERY OPEN after our fost/adopt experience with DYFS in NJ. When our foster baby was reunified with his mother, we never got to see him again and haven't been able to find out how he's doing because DYFS has no obligation to tell us anything now that he's not in our home and won't take the time to do so out of basic human compassion because they are too overloaded with cases. Granted, if I knew he was in a stable home with parents I hand-picked, I'd probably feel a lot better! All that to say that I've developed an extreme sensitivity to the potential hardship birthparent(s) might suffer if they live with the mystery of how their baby is,etc. I have also noticed that it seems like a lot of adopted children grow up with the desire to meet their birth parents, which would become obsolete in an open adoption. I think we'll stay open but will perhaps also mention that we're willing to do closed if that's the birthparents' wish.. Thanks, again! Jennifer