The Daddy/Mommy question

first of all, what an angel she is! unfortunately I do not have any advice for you, but wanted to bump this up. I placed my daughter for adoption and she is being raised by a single mother, so I am very interested in this topic myself. I think it's good to explain that there are all different kinds of families and that in yours while there isn't a daddy there are all the other wonderful, loving people you mentioned. Two year olds can often comprehend much more than we give them credit for. I know my neices and nephews have always blown me away at that age. Good luck, and I hope you find the right words for you and for Laina.:love:

Are you raising a genius? Wow barely past two and already asking, I think that pointing out the family that she does have is a great idea. I am guessing that you got tired of waiting for Prince Charming and wanted to be a mommy so bad that you decided to do it by yourself. Tell her that, in a two year-old friendly way, children are self-centered she'll understand that you just couldnt wait for a daddy before you got to have her.

My daughter has asked similar questions (although not quite as early as yours!) and I've responded that her daddy is in Guatemala, but that we don't know him. THEN I talk about our family and the differences between families. I think it's important part of beginning to understand adoption -- all kids have a daddy. Although she hasn't started to ask about her first mother, I also tell her that her first mother lives in Guatemala and that one day we'll go to visit her (I know this might not be the case in your situation).

I think your first instincts were right. "We don't have a daddy..." then say who you do have, and who you do not. There are a lot of really good books out now that stress the diversity of family make-ups that are great for reading to little ones. When we adopted our son, at the age of six, my mother gave him a book called The Family Book, by Todd Parr that she bought at Target. It has wonderful, bright graphics, and is told in rhyme. It addresses adoption, families with only one child, families of mixed race, gay families, single parent families, you name it. It points out the differences, and it points out the similarities (...some families are big, some families are small, some families are the same colors, some families are different colors, all families like to hug each other...") I really recommend it for you, and anyone else wondering how to explain why their family is not the same as the one next door.

We've always gone the "Some families have daddies and some don't" route. I tell him, some families have sisters, and some don't. Some families have brothers, and some don't. Some families have daddies and ours doesn't.I also try to acknowledge the fact that he feels this as a loss. I say, "I know, Pooch, you wish you had a dad. I wish you did, too, but that's not how it worked out."

She is young for this. I went the route as many others, but really haven't dealt with too much until around 5. A couple of quick questions earlier, but the issue dropped quickly. I talk about families being different and who comprises our family. We talk about our family being the two of us and the dog and we talk about our bigger family including my sisters, parents, nephews and brother-in-law. When she was 5 it did make her feel better to know that to be born you have to have a Mommy and a Daddy. And, then talk about her first parents having to make choices to find her a new family. She knows a lot about choices, as I emphasize decision making with the discipline process. We then talked about how she wanted to explain things to others, as many of the questions actually initiate with playmates. Her decisions is to say that we are a family and when pressed, to tell people that it is private, family information. The more sticky issue for her is not being my natural child. This upsets her at times. So I really have to emphasize that if she wasn't born to her first parents, that she wouldn't be who she is and that I wouldn't like that. I find she tests, me to see if I answer the same way in different places - like on line in DisneyWorld. So truthful and consistent answers are key.

I am a single mom and have not gotten this question yet. But I'm sure I will! LOL! I think the more simple the better. As you say, she is very young. I think it's great to speak about the family that you do have. That is what I plan to do. We have a pop pop and an uncle Mike and so on. Just like some families have two moms and some have two dads. I think that should work for now at least. Good luck!

Yesterday, out of the blue, my 2 year old foster child asked, "Mommy, where's my daddy"? I wasn't prepared and simply said, huh? He repeated his question. I said, "Our family doesn't have a daddy - just me, you and our pet. He put his head down and said, "No". Really broke my heart. Noticed today that he called two men at church daddy - I corrected him. Poor thing wants a daddy. Prayerfully God will send me Mr. Right for me and him...but until then, our family is me, him and the pet AND we are complete just as we are.

I think Q was 3 going on 4 when we had our first Father's day. He asked where 'our dad' was. I told him our family doesn't have A dad. I told him I'm both - his mom and his dad. He's 6 going on 7 and calls me dad and mom. We get some funny looks sometimes when he calls me dad - but he lets people know "we don't have a dad in our family, she's both". One kid looked at him and back at me and I just said yep he's right, we don't have a dad, just me. His original birth certificate states father unknown. I really don't want to go there with birth father until he really understands more. He knows that R has a baby boy that she couldn't take care of. She took him to dr. K's until his mama could come for him. He knows that's me!

Lots of good suggestions. I did order the Todd Parr books and they are great. We just got back from a week with my whole family at the beach so it was a good opportunitiy to try to teach her about family.

Th Family Book is great! I got them to read it at my son's daycare when he was small. The kids loved it and could really relate. My son wasn't the only one without a dad and there was a kid being raised by grandma, inter-racial families all in his class. Of course, he was the only one adopted with no dad. But the kids just loved it, loved the different families.

Awww. Reminds me of Maire-Kate. When she was three, she wanted a Daddy so badly . I gave her the whole "all families are different" story but she just wanted a father. One night she was laying next to me in bed talking to herself and she said "I wish I had a Daddy....I wish I had a Daddy...I wish I had a Daddy but I don't." and then she rolled over and went to sleep. I cried myself to sleep thinking I was forever damaging her by not giving her the Daddy she wanted. It was heartbreaking. It was the very first time I ever doubted my decision to be a single parent. By being a single Mom, I was depriving her of a 'Daddy' that she needed. But as she got older, she accepted the fact that we're a unique family. We're multicultural and there are a lot of things about our family that seem "different" and she's okay with that. I think she sometimes wishes she had a father and that's okay. I sometimes wish I had a husband. But sometimes we don't get what we want-but like the Rolling Stones say, "We get what we need".