How and when to tell bsiblings?

quantum-I never made a big deal out of it. My DD was born in Jan 1986, and my son was born Sept 1989, so they're not very far apart in age. Ever since he was little, I would talk about the "daughter that doesn't live with me." When my other kids came along, I kept it up. Every time someone would ask how many kids I have (there's 4 that live with me), I would say "My husband and I have 4 together, plus I have a daughter I gave up in a closed adoption, a step-daughter, and he has a son in a semi-open adoption, so we have 7 all together." I'm sure this is WAY more of an answer than anybody ever wanted, but I always wanted to make sure that EVERYBODY knew about my daughter. That way, if I ever reunite, there won't be as many questions, at least not the really difficult ones. When talking to your 2 children about your son, mention that he's also your child, but he has another set of parents. That's plenty of information for 2 & 4 year-olds. The more you use the words "son" and "brother" the more normal it will seem to them. Kids are amazingly adaptable. The 4 here are now 17, 16, 14, and 13, and they've always known about their 2 sisters and brother. They've asked questions along the way, and I've answered them appropriately for their age at the time. Every situation is different, but I think if you treat the situation as "normal" they'll follow suit. Congrats on the reunion!

Thanks, So far that's kind of what I've been doing! Well at least to them. I told them I found their brother and that they'll meet him when we go to America and won't that be exciting? I think it's FANTASTIC that you are so open to people about the daughter you relinquished. I so want to do that but am struggling. My parents don't even know I've made contact or even that I searched for my son. :( Nevermind, the day will come!

Don't be in a hurry to tell your parents, or anybody else for that matter. This time is for you, your son, and your daughters. As far as me being open, a HUGE part of that comes from me being a rebelious person by nature. Maybe that comes from my b-mom, lol. I was coerced into placing my daughter for adoption. I won't bore everyone with the details (again) but suffice it to say that for over 21 yrs I've felt the urge to shout from the rooftops that I have a daughter. Okay, enough rambling. Are your daughters excited to meet their brother? Oh, just thought of something. Are they going to let it slip to your parents? I guess that would be one way to tell them!

My advice, tell them early and often. I was coerced into adoption and have lived 26 years regretting it. I now have 2 daughters, age 17 and 18 and have never told them they have an older brother. I searched and found my bson also searched me out and we are in the early stages of reunion. I fight every day not to tell the girls but their dad and the rest of the family want me to make "sure" he wants to know them - who wouldn't? Anyway, I guess my point is, it is best to tell them when they are young rather than "shock" them with the news later on (although in my heart I think they already know). All the best. :hippie:

"So to all of you bmoms out there who have other children that you're parenting." How about as a birth sibling? Have you told them about the child/children you relinquished? My mom told me about my brother and I'm glad she did :) How old were they? I was around 6 years old How did you? I don't remember how it got brought up- I think I was sad I was an only child, and mentioned wishing I had a brother. She said that I do somewhere, but because she was very young when she had him, she let a mommy and daddy who really wanted to have a baby but couldn't take him in as their own and love him like she and daddy loved me. She answered whatever questions I had about him and the whole thing, and always has through the years. That was 18 years ago and I've had many questions in that time. I always appreciated that she was so upfront about it when I was a child but still old enough to understand that adoption can be a blessing. It kinda made me feel special in a way, like... I don't really know how to explain it. But I don't think she could have handled it any better.