Triad groups for life classes in school

I'm not in Canada, but I think it sounds good. I think (at least here in the US) you might need parental permission before allowing a kid to go? But then, I guess if it's just an assembly meeting to educate people on different options, then that might be different.I've been to one, but it was geared toward potential adoptive families and did not share much of the pain, and I found that so odd while there.Good luck with this and keep us posted!

In Canada here... although the concept is a possibility (and I guess I'm going to be a real downer here, sorry) ... I like the idea of presenting all sides of an adoptive situation, I do struggle with the idea of presenting it as a part of any school curriculum. In most ways, it really leaves the parental responsibility out of the picture and I don't agree with that. I also struggle with the idea of presenting adoption as the only possibile outcome of an unintended pregnancy. To be fair, it would need to be a part of a discussion about all the option available to an expecting mom, including parenting adoption and abortion. That could get complicated since I for one, wouldn't want a school system speaking to my DD about the possibility of any of them. I can say that I believe that it is MY job as a parent to help her make that decision if and when the time comes. It would take some thought to make sure that each member of the triad wasn't "handpicked" to give just a positive message about adoption. It's hard on all sides of it as I am sure you already know. There would need to be a strong effort to present the WHOLE picture, and some of it isn't pretty. It's painful and although I do see adoption as an option, the more I think about and live this, I am realizing that none of the options are easy nor "best" choices. There is heartache in them all. I applaud you for making this effort to think about this. I do wonder if this type of discussion should happen in a different venue where parental involvement might be a greater part.

I have to agree with Tammy. If I was a parent I would hate for my daughters to be attending any presentation at school about their options if they get pregnant. In fact, the more they think they have options if they get pregnant, the less careful I'd expect them to be about birth control. I'd like my daughters to think that there is NO good solution to an unplanned pregnancy, and therefore just don't do it. But I also think it's my duty and my right to inform their opinion of the matter. Of course Tammy and I can afford to think that way because we would actually be there to educate our daughters. Girls who don't get that kind of parenting would benefit from more information from an outside source, but like Tammy said, it would need to be balanced. It would have to say "you can abort or place your child or raise it, or you can make sure you don't get pregnant." If they were to get this kind of information at school when they're not pregnant yet, I think the appropriate way to do it would be to somehow screen girls who are at risk and offering those girls the option of attending a session, and leave the girls who are getting the parenting at home alone. But then you're gonna get angry parents who think their daughter is being treated like a criminal because she's been asked to attend a presentation on teen pregnancy. Anyway. That's not to say there isn't merit in your idea, but I don't think the school system is the place for it. If you could network with things like the Kids Help Phone and walk-in clinics, and other places a pregnant teen might turn up, and have them list you on their list of resources, I think that might be more appropriate.

Hey Tammy and Marie: Thankyou for your opinions, it good to hear your thoughts, I just wanted to say, and I believe I wrote that I have talked to my children, and I believe I had said that they had friends who have become parents earlier. I wouldnt want to go as far as to say their parents havent talked to them. But put in the position as I was at 17 with a family who also told me all about the facts of life ( My father was a social worker and my mother a nurse), and what could happen if proper protection and care for myself wasnt considered. Even the most open/close families may not find out about their children until they are faced with an unplanned pregnancy. I wasnt thinking of making this group part of a curriculum , just a part of a class discussion, which most of the kids have to take anyways in sex education(with parents permission). I was apart of the egg children experience in school, and had the sex counsilor tell us about sex. However, no one talks about what life is like when the pregnancy is present, the fear you have or the choices following. I think that is great that you both feel/know that you will talk and get through to your kids about sex and choices. But please understand that your comments come across as a judgment to me and possibly others who might read this. I also want to say, that I am a great parent to my girls and my son, and we talk very openly about sex and choices. I also know that my childrens friends parents are very nice and close to their kids as well. But when it comes down to the children, we dont really know how they are going to react if they were to find out they were pregnant, and my only thought was, some of the fears can be brought down and awareness could be made to them, if they have information on all sides. Not just birth control, abstinence and abortion. I think it is a harsh reality to know that young girls will run away and have their babies and leave them places out of fear, or have abortions on their own whether they do this to themselves or in the hospital. What I know and read, is that alot of these girls come from very prestigious, caring homes, whose parents become very shocked that their kids didnt think they could go to them. Again thankyou for your thoughts, I will consider them, as I seek further into my wants to do this. I also wanted to add that of course parents would be told about this, as well as be invited. Just as the schools in my area anyways, send notes home for the parents approval for the sex classes. Have a great night and a great day !! Lisasue

Ya know what this kinda reminds me of.....when i was in highschool we had a group of kids come and discuss the problems with drinking..... Maybe something along that lines.....like an afterschool session that was an option.... I also think that getting involved with a crisis line would be a fantastic idea too. I do have to agree with Tammy on being careful not to paint too rosey of a picture...i think a balance would be difficult (but possible) to achieve.

Seriously I think that's your choice and not my and Tammy's doing. You asked for opinions and those are ours. I also think you're missing the point. Your reply is that girls should get to hear about adoption. Our point is that our daughters will hear it from us. That being said, if all you're aiming for is to have the school counselor make the option of such a discussion available to interested students, like I said, do your group and let the schools know so they can put you on their list of resources if they so desire.

I'm sorry you took my comments personally and as a judgement on you. It was not meant that way at all. As I read your post, I understood you to want opinions and suggestions about your idea. I do believe I stated clearly that I thought the idea was a possibility but also wanted to state my concerns about it based on your post. And they include parental involvement in these kind of discussions. If that is a part of your plan, great. I responded based on what I read in your post. It seems that because I didn't say "yeah this a completely great idea as you wrote about it" and left it at that then I am being judgmental. I thought in reading the original post that you were looking for suggestions. My mistake. I do believe I agreed with you that adoption should be an option presented to women with unintended pregnancy. But as your OP read, it seemed that that would be the only option. I know that there are lots of people concerned and rightly so that at times, adoption is presented in a coercive way where the true realities and hard things about it are softened to make it seem like the only option. It sounds like acc to this post that you are considering it alongside the others. That is good. But that wasn't a part of your OP. And I never once made any comments regarding your (or anyone else's) parenting skills. I am sure you are a great parent. I didn't realize acc to your OP, that that was a part of the discussion. I am complete agreement with you that it is a harsh reality to understand that some women/girls feel they have no one to turn to in their families when a crisis such as this happens. That's sad. And for me personally, motivates me again to make sure I do all I can to have an open door to any discussion with my children. Maybe family communication skills (in attempt to prevent the need for this decision in the first place) can be a part of this whole discussion.

I do have these exact conversations with young women and their parents but in a different context than school. We talk about all the possible outcomes of certain choices made.

Hey all, sorry for any inflection read into my response letter. I didnt mean to upset anyone, or create stress. I wasnt mad or angry when I wrote it, just a little concerned with what I realize was not your response Tammy.I had reacted to this line:Of course Tammy and I can afford to think that way because we would actually be there to educate our daughters. Being a birthmother myself, and a child of very strong parents who taught us alot including abstinence and safe sex. The words hit a nerve. Also, I have daughters and because of my experiences I am very adimit in talking to my girls about everything. However, because of my experiences I would not appose my girls getting more information from others, as you said in a controlled conversation in a class room, especially if they showed interest as well. Thankyou Leigh for your thoughts as well, I too think a crisis line or after school seminar would be great too. Thanks again, and sorry for the misunderstandings Have a great day!Lisasue:hippie:

Like Tammy said, we're not talking about your parents here. But even supposing we were, obviously you were aware of your options, and obviously you feel you made the right choice, so obviously your parents educated you enough to make the right choice for you. So how would that even be a criticism of your parents? I think your project will be more likely to succeed if you're very clear as to what problem you're trying to solve. In your first post it seems that you feel teenagers whose best option would be to place, are choosing to terminate or parent instead. In your second post it's unclear whether the problem you've identified is a) teenagers not choosing to place their children, b) teenagers hiding their pregnancies, or c) teenagers misjudging their parents' likely reaction to their pregnancies. So I think in structuring the presentation itself and the sales pitch for the project, you'll want to be careful to stick to one clear issue that you have the power to change.

I believe this could be a great resource if the group also included those who would talk about parenting and abortion as well. Not just adoption. A balance in the views of the people on the panel also needs to be considered. You do not want to paint a rosey picture of any option, or a bad picture either - needs to be balanced. In Alberta high school kids are required to take a class called Career and Life Management in order to graduate (usually taken in gr 12). In my opinion this is where a discussion of such topics could take place.

Very true too Tara, I guess I didnt add that part because I guess it was just a given to me that abortion and parenting were already talked about and I was thinking adding the triad discussion to them during the family life studies. Where I grew up, those three choices (abstinence, abortion and parenting) were the only things talked about, and maybe the adoption word was thrown in but not examned. I was suppose to talk in my grad 12 year to my class, and when the girls started to ask me questions about it, the teacher cut if off, and I was never sure why, except that it seemed to stop when the interest was around what it was like to be pregnant. I 'm pretty sure the only words that came out of my mouth were, I am fine. So for sure, i was totally meaning that adoption would be apart of the whole discussion, abstinence, abortion, parenting, and adoption, and pro's and cons of all the choices. Awareness was my main goal. I have tried to find away to delete this thread all together, so as maybe to start over with my idea or not to write it all. No need for further thoughts I wont be back to check this thread Sorry for the confusion of not writing out the full idea, I really do appreciate the thoughts the four of you have shared.Lisasue

I don't know why you'd like this thread deleted Lisa. Some great discussion arose from it and you got some things to think about before persuing this more.