I Would Like Some Advice

Church is supposed to be about community.. a home away from home. If the people in your church are not acting Christian then you need to find a new community for your family. One where your family can feel love and accepted for who you are.

First, let me say how sorry I am to hear that your faith community is treating you and your family so poorly. We've been blessed to find a Catholic Church that isn't overwhelmingly diverse, but at least my African American children aren't the only brown faces in the church. And we seem to be welcomed warmly by the other members of the parish. But it took a little searching to find this church...we drive about 25 minutes to get to Mass each Sunday. So, I would encourage you, if there are other Catholic churches in your area, to look at others. You might find a better one. But...if that is not an option... I would make sure that I found a faith community that welcomed my children. It would be very hard for me to leave the Catholic Church, but as bromanchik said, if they're not behaving as Catholics ought (and remember, the word, catholic, does mean UNIVERSAL), then I would be forced to do so. I also struggle with the few activities that Catholic churches generally provide for young people. And yet, that alone would not be a reason for me to leave the Church. I might try to find another church I could also attend, but I find so often that people of other Christian religions have this perception that Catholics aren't actually Christian, so I think that could be confusing. I have many friends who are not Catholic, but it took lots of explaining for them to understand that we use the same Bible, pray to the same God, believe in the same Jesus who opened the gates of Heaven to us all when He died for us, provided that we also do our part and love one another.

I agree w/Jenmom that you might want to seek out another parish. The problem you are describing to me seems more specific to the particular church you attend than to the Catholic faith. One suggestion I might make is to look for a parish that's connected to a school. Ours is, are many activities for families and children---vacation bible school, children's choir, spring festivals, trivia nights, etc.

Tisa,Congratulations on your adoption! It is very disappointing and sad to have your own parish not embrace your children. On the topic of switching religions, are you a practicing Catholic because you want to be or because you feel you should be?I think if a person practices a particular religion, that person should believe in what they practice. If you believe in what the Catholic church teaches, then I don't know how switching to a different religion would work. Some of the beliefs would be different. I do sympathize with you on wanting to find a good parish. We moved to our present location this past August, and now recently am starting to enjoy it. In the fall when I was trying to get more involved, I also was grumbling about the fact that it seems other religions have more in the way of family activities. When I told the secretary we had a 3 month old, and asked specifically if there were any family activites or groups within the parish, especially for families with young children, she said, oh yes, everything we do here is for families. Then she told me about CCE classes for the children (hello, I said I have a 3 month old?), the bus trip the parish was taking to see a concert (hello again, a 3 month old on a bus--don't think so--where would the car seat go for one?), and the dedication they were having for their chapel on New Year's Eve at 11 p.m. with games and fun in the parish center after midnight (have you forgotten I mentioned I have a 3 month old?). I think HBV had a good idea about finding a parish with a school. I used to teach at a Catholic school, and there were several things. Maybe it too depends on how small or large your parish is? One parish we went to a few years back has so many things going on, you could never do them all, was a large parish, and parishoners are a very diverse people. OUr parish now, and our last one are much smaller, not diverse, and parish activities much less. I would urge you to keep looking for a different parish, before changing religions. Best wishes, this must be difficult,Michelle

I'm with Michelle, in that are practicing because that is always what you have done or because you want to. I went thru a period when I needed to look at why I was still practicing in the Catholic church. I would definately look into other parishes. You stated to that you are in a small town where there are not many people of different race. If so could you possibly find that in any church since it is out of the norm for where you live? Just a thought. I would want my children to feel comfortable no matter where I practiced my religion. Good luck in your journey.

I am responding before reading any other posts, so I can say was it really in my heart before I think about it from others' perspectives. I would be so sad for you if you felt you had to leave the Catholic faith. It's not our faith that is the problem here, but perhaps some of the people in your parish. Is it an option for you to visit some other parishes, perhaps find one more diverse and accepting? Funny thing, but on the way to work this morning, the thought crossed my mind that "Catholic" means "universal". I don't know why I was thinking that. I understand how you feel. I have two biracial nieces, and their dad does not attend Mass with them. So I know my sis felt like people were just sitting in the pews around her judging her for a long time after the kids were born. But now the oldest goes to the Catholic school there, and they're much more involved w/ the parish. At the very small and rural church I attend, there seem to be maybe 5 biracial or African Americans who go there. I was talking to a man a couple of weeks ago who was raised Southern Baptist, and converted to Catholicism. He said he just started going to our church one day, and felt SO at home, welcomed and a part of our parish family, that he truly belonged here. I felt the same way when I first started coming when I moved here. I hope you can find a parish like that!!!! I've been thinking of starting some sort of young mom's group with our church and the 2 other Catholic churches close by, or maybe even a more non-denominational Christian mommy and me type Bible study/together time. Since our parish doesn't have much in the way of events for kids other than CCD (Oops - now they call it SRE). And I think it's important to connect w/ other CHristian moms for support and relationships. I'll pray for your family.