x-post- how do I support a teen considering adoption?

She eventually chose to parent for sure and moved to the teen mom's home so this may be a moot point but telling her to give up her baby or telling her to parent was NOT my place as a foster parent. My job was to offer support in ANY decision she decided to make by helping her attend counseling appointments with a non-biased counselor and mediation with her parents. My job was to make sure all of her needs for food/clothing/shelter and baby's needs could be met while they were with me. My job was to remind her to tend her baby when baby was crying, even if she didn't want to be bothered, and offer suggestions for solutions when she was trying and baby was still unhappy. My job was to take over care of the baby when asked...and then document that for the foster care social worker in charge of teen-mom's case. Pushing the mother to chose one decision or the other would have been overstepping the bounds. It was not my decision and my opinion of the matter was completely unnecessary.

Our job, as stable adults, is to take the crisis element out of an unplanned pregnancy so that the teenager doesn't panic. Teenagers are too inexperienced in the world to understand what's available to help them, what pressures are out there bearing upon them, and what the long-term implications of decisions like adoption are. They also don't tend to know how to access research into adoption which shows that mothers who relinquish their babies don't recover [url=http://tinyurl.com/qylr6fs]Effects of Adoption on the Mental Health of the Mother: What Professionals Knew and Didnt Tell Us. | Origins Canada[/url], and that babies who lose their mothers through such relinquishment suffer lifelong issues, and pain, because of it. It is absolutely wrong to promote the 'it's your decision' mantra whilst the teenager is not fully aware of the above. It is not possible to make an informed decision without the above. Teenagers are vulnerable anyway; pregnant teenagers more so. They need support and encouragement. A hands-off approach, leaving them to 'make their own decision' is simply not realistic when they don't have the full range of tools or awareness or self-confidence or resources to do that. That's where being a stable adult comes in - to actively support the young mother. It is simply not natural to give your child away. Doing so is evidence of a catastrophic loss of confidence or self-belief in the teenager and a failure of those around her to build that confidence and the necessary inner and outer resources back up again.

No woman who WANTS to parent should EVER be placed in a position where she can't. If she needs a place to stay, I have one.

Our job, as stable adults, is to take the crisis element out of an unplanned pregnancy so that the teenager doesn't panic. Teenagers are too inexperienced in the world to understand what's available to help them, what pressures are out there bearing upon them, and what the long-term implications of decisions like abortion are. They also don't tend to know how to access research into abortion which shows that mothers who abort their babies don't recover [url=http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/8734378/Abortion-increases-risk-of-mental-health-problems-new-research-finds.html]Abortion increases risk of mental health problems new research finds[/url], and that babies who are aborted suffer because of it. It is absolutely wrong to promote the 'it's your decision' mantra whilst the teenager is not fully aware of the above. It is not possible to make an informed decision without the above. Teenagers are vulnerable anyway; pregnant teenagers more so. They need support and encouragement. A hands-off approach, leaving them to 'make their own decision' is simply not realistic when they don't have the full range of tools or awareness or self-confidence or resources to do that. That's where being a stable adult comes in - to actively support the young mother. It is simply not natural to abort your child. I am not saying that this is or is not my personal feeling regarding abortion. My point is that no two persons' experience/belief/decision is exactly the same and that does not negate the validity of those experiences, beliefs or decisions. I am so glad that this young lady was strong enough to take the time she needed to make the right decision for her! I am glad that she was encouraged and educated and allowed to make her own decision, whatever it was to be. Good job aka.mama!

Waverly, Did you honestly copy and paste Sylvie's post - and change it to the opposite so that it sort of, kind of, maybe, looked like you were trying to quote her??? Dickons

Brandy - how are you doing? Kind regards, Dickons

Abortion is NOT (and NEVER WILL BE) an alternative to parenting.Abortion is an alternative to pregnancy. I'm not sure why abortion is even an issue on a topic where, clearly, abortion has already been ruled out -- since the child has BEEN BORN.Ugh.

I am good, Dickons, thanks for asking :)

Wow, waverly, tacky. Adoption is unnatural. It is not natural to have be separated from your first family or to have to have lose a child to adoption. Throw in the fact that adoption is the choice/force not to parent. Abortion is the decision not to be pregnant, two entirely separate things. This isn't the place for pro-life rhetoric.

It wasn't meant to be pro life rhetoric and I apologize if it came across as tacky. It was actually meant to be pro choice and supportive of someone helping another to make a very hard decision, but the decision that is right for them and not anyone else. That is all.

Waverly - you can't get an abortion after you have already given birth. Kind regards, Dickons

Even the strongest of new mothers in the best of situations need someone on their side telling them that they Can do it. I've never met a new mother that didn't have frightening doubts of her abilities. She seems to have plenty of people telling her she can't, or she shouldn't. That she will be "in trouble" if she tries or does. It sounds like she could use someone in her life about now that will support her current decision/choice of parenting. Someone that can show her that she can do it, and how.

It wasn't meant to be pro life rhetoric and I apologize if it came across as tacky. It was actually meant to be pro choice and supportive of someone helping another to make a very hard decision, but the decision that is right for them and not anyone else. That is all.

Thank you for this, Brandy. I mean that from the bottom of my heart. It's good to see you again, stranger! How have you been doing? :loveyou:

Thank you A.K.A.mamaK for being such a wonderful example of the fostercare system and for providing this young lady with a place where she could have some security to make a decision that she truly wanted. Wish human cloning were legal.... (well maybe just some!) :)