Adopting a 15m while already having a 27m...

Hello Everybody, I thought I'd post again...Forever_Family asked about the situation.... She is still in Foster care, I belive it's the 3rd home...she's been at this one the longest...(1st to Aunt and Uncles; 3.5m, then to home#1; one month, then to this current home5-6m). Forever_Family asked why she hasn't been adopted yet. It's because the government just has TEMPERARY gardianship. B-mom & B-dad have a 'list' of things they need to do to get her back (counceling, therapy, parenting corses ect; really nothing too hard) they have not completed much if any in the 9months she's been removed. It seems the government keeps giving them chances and extending the TGO (temp. gardianship order) 2x now. When we first looked at the situation it was when she was first removed and the parents where concidering placing with us, insead of taking the chance of loosing her. But I guess it was only with us as they don't want to look at other potential a-parents. It's my understanding they see her 1-2x a week and still have hopes of parenting; though it seems unlikly given what they have not completed as requried by the government. Also because the goverment really wonders if they have the life skills to be parents.... I belive the reason we got asked again lately is because the social worker belives the case will go PGO (permament gardianship order) and the parents rights will be permamently removed. If this is the case the gov. would (possibly?) look at placing her with her sibling... So that is how I understand things right now...she is 18 m right now... this was the comment to the aunt from the support worker when I expressed concern about attachement to the aunt: So this seems positive but it also concerns me a bit, is this not a sign for attachemtn disorder, liking everyone and not having a issue moving around? Honestly I am leaning away from the situation, but it does pull at my heart strings. We just had friends stay for the weekend w/ their 12m old and dd didn't too overly well sharing toys ect, I know there would be some acting out if she had to share toys and us!!! So thats the scoop...I think I am taking to the social worker this week (for the first time) so it will be interestign to see what she says.

I'm sure the idea of having two kiddos just 12 months apart is pretty daunting. However, it is perfectly doable if you decide to pursue it. I have two daughters who are 18 months apart... and we are expecting our third daughter when my oldest two will be 27months and 9months old. We are scared to death, but definitely excited at the same time. Our initial plan (before we found out about our pregnancy) was to adopt a toddler when our youngest dd was 2 - so we were hoping to create the situation you just described. Sharing for a two year old is never easy. My dd refuses to share anything with her sister and takes all toys away from her. I just keep correcting her over and over again. Eventually she'll get it. As for attachement disorder, it could be a sign, yes. However, if she has successfully attached to someone before, then chances are really good that with some effort and support, she'll attach to you as well. Good luck!

Boy what a tough desision you have to make. First on the attachment thing. My son came to us at 15 months old. In those 15 months of his life he was moved 10 times. Nope not kidding. Poor kid. I will be honest at the begining he would not let us bond with him and it was hard. He did not like to be held, he talked to anybody (that later I found out he is just a solcial bug), and had no eye contact. He was also angry and had many tantrums. But by 6 months he was not only letting us hold him, but he would hug and kiss and cuddle. By a year he had good eye contact. He still just talks to anybody, but it just his personality. Some kids dont mind strangers. He is now a loving 5yr old boy who bonds very easily. He is wonderful and Im so happy that he is our son. As a foster mom I have had many toddlers come and go. Yes they can have attachment issues, but becouse of their young age it is something that can easily be worked on. All of my toddlers have attached well with us and then well with either thier b-family when they go or thier adopted family. All have been a success with attachment. Now age thing. LOL let me say having two that close is tough, but sooo much fun. I have my son who is 5, my foster duaghter who is 28 months, my daughter who is 19 months, and my other foster daughter who is 6 months. Its sure is crazy, but so much fun. Yes no toddler loves to share, actually that is something that any child will have to work on at any age, becouse my son sometimes does not want to share either. To think of it my hubby sometimes does not like to share. It does not matter what age your daughter is, if you adopt a baby or a toddler or a older child...she is going to have to adjust. There will be jelousy and you know the jelousy will not go away, my son still gets jelouse on occasion. Yes there will be fights between them and to be honest once there is more then one chile there will always be fights between them. I still argue with my brother and Im in my 30s. But its when they are together so happy that is the most amazing. Both girls (28 mnths and 19 mnths) love to dance. When music is on they hold eachothers hands and dance. They sit and tell eachother secrets and yes they both get into mischief together. I swear those secrets are to get into mischief. They hug eachother and kiss eachother. They even sit in time out together. If one is hurt the other comes to check on them. Sure they fight a lot, but they love being together also and have bonded well. I know its a lot to think about. I personally love to keep siblings together, even if it means a full house. I belive this so much that we have agreed to take in the next sibling that is due in about 4 months. Yeah talk about nuts. But you and your family have to make the decision what is best for you and your family. Pray on it and let that guide you. Good luck.

So the saga continues....we are re-visiting the situaton...and actually have a meeting set up for Aug 15th for a visit with the little girl. Her birthparents will be there also. I think it will help alot to see her again and try and spend some alone time with her and our family (but really it will prob. just be playing in the backyard while everyone watches from inside!) I will just have to pray lots that we will just *know* hopefully we can even get to the temple before has as well, but it will be a busy few days of driving. The situation is 5.5h from us, temple is 6h but temple and situation are 3h apart.... Also birth mom is preg. again. #3, 3rd b-father... so who knows what will happen there...but we'd be of course open to that, but hopefully it wouldint' be a long drawn out process like dd#2. So have us in your prayers, or thoughts...it's SUCH a hard place to be, somedays I wish Heavenly Father would just come talk to me for like 2min and help us out!!!

It sounds like you are headed in the right direction. I'm sure as you look into it deeper (like meeting with her etc.) You will receive those clear answers your looking for. Sometimes we just have to move foreward with faith...not knowing how it will end...but trusting this is the direction we should go. Hopefully as you explore this further your heart/mind will have a firm confirmation of what you should/shouldn't do. I think the idea of going to the temple before/during or after the trip is a great idea. The temple is a wonderful place to search your soul and seek your answers.

I'm thinking of you, that you will have peace in whatever decision you make and that you will "know" either way.L

So we had the meeting on Wed. and things went pretty well. In the begining things were kinda akward, there was a hand full of people there (BM, BF, aunt, SWx2) and us. pdd (potential dear daughter) was pretty shy and seems perplexed by what was going on. We all just sat around and everybody but dh and I visited. I was trying to interact with pdd. My dd was playing and trying to be the center of attention, as usall. She was pretty good about sharing ect. and she interacted a bit with pdd. After a while pdd let me sit her on my lap. She seemed a bit more interested with dh. He was playing a bit and interacting with her. Then we decided it woudl be ok if we went outside, just the 4 of us. Everyone else left, to my surpize. We had lots of fun in the backyard, we got some smiles and laughs. She is still really unsure about walking so she held our fingers and 'chased' dd, which both girls loved. She let both of us hold her openly and seemed pretty comfortable. Our dd was fine too, no issue of us holding another child. We went back inside and the aunt made lunch so I fed both girls, that was fun. pdd is a way better eater than dd!! She let me feed her milk (sippy cup) and let me for a minitue or so cradle hold her and have some good eye contact. sooo we have decided to move ahead with things... we feel better/good about it this time around. It made a huge difference going in to the yard and having just time as a pfamily. She was 'younger' than I thought. I was pictureing a toddler similar to my dd, but that year does make a difference. She is still quite baby like to me. As I said she doesn't walk on her own (that we know of) and is quite cuddle/clingy which our dd is totally not! So some of my fears/apprehentions were lightened. We have no clue how long things will take, been talk of a couple months to "hopefully as soon as possible" which by gov. standards I'm sure isn't quick. I'd love to see it happen by Sept. but who knows. I will start calling Mon and putting the heat on. (They've know our decistion since wed.) ok I'm sure this is waaaay to long by now...and I really thought I had posted here already...but I guess not. I'll keep you all posted! thanks for the kind words.

Sounds Great!!! I hope everything moves pretty quickly and you can have her home soon. How exciting!!! Congradulations!!!

What great news!!! Congratulations!!!

So it's now been over 3 weeks (yesterday) so I thought it deserved an update. Well the update is NOTHING!!!! and I am so frusterated!!! Seriously it's been at most 1x week phone calls mostly to say nothing really has happened. The holdup seems to be w/ the gov. social worker as she holds the cards. and of course nobody wants to rock the boat with her. I think today if nothing is heard, than we are contacting a child advocate to help the situation. Everbody is in agreement, I really don't understand why it's taking this long!!! uhhhgggg I've already bought her and dd several matching outfits, and bought both girls new big girl beds (matching of course, but diff rooms) and we are pretty much ready for her...I just really hope it happens sometime this month. It's hard to realize all the stuff we've already missed, now to know on a day to day stuff we are missing is hard too! Sorry just wanted to vent & update...

well we got a tiny bit of progress today, basicly wanting an updated criminal check and child welfare check, ahhh we could have been getting those going 3 weeks ago...what ever... and I am heading back to go to some apppointments with 'padd' on Mon, Tues so that will be great to see her, but not a fun drive just me and the toddler. Thats all for now.

ive been following your story. hopefully things will go quickly. its funny how when you dont have a picture in your mind its not such a hard wait, but now you know what your padd is like - you cant wait and the wait seems like FOREVER. it will happen - good luck.

Hey thanks! So the visit went well, had a great time the little bit I spent with her. She actually cryed when I left! It was very touching. I don't know if it was a good or bad thing (re:attachment) but heart touching non the less. It was so hard to have to walk away from her. I have my fingers crossed for next week, but I am realizing that it most likely won't be. It really is driving me nuts how sloooooooow the goverment works, exp. on a case that seems so open and shut. So thats the scoop so far....and is unfortunatly still on going.....

So we have a date for placement...Oct 10th, 2 weeks from tomorow. Not as soon as I'd like, but it's a date all the same. I seriously can't belive how long this has taken, and if I think about it too much it makes me SNAP! So I try not to. We aren't sure when we are heading down...as we are allowed to do visits now...but dh does have to work and back and forth isn't an option. Last time we left it was so very hard... Also the FM told me that PAD does not normally act the way she did with me (wanting to leave with me, crying, clingy), with anyone else who has been at the house. So that made me feel good, that PAD wasn't just 'shopping for a new mommie' sydrome. I'll keep you posted, and try and find time to post after placement. I am so nervouse, but do feel thing will be fine (about after placement, how she'll be how dd will be, sleeping, napping, 2 kids, 2 TODDLERS) all of the above!

Well we are back home now with our newest daughter! It was quite the week. It was beyond stressfull, emotional and physically exasting! I went down last wed. and had a 2 hour visit with dd, then on thurs. I picked her up about 9am and took her for the day. We decided (foster mom and I) that we'd see how the day goes, as to if I'd bring her back to FM that night. The day went pretty well so I oppted to keep her over night. That went well, (she's actually slept very well so far , fingers crossed). We then had her for the weekend, well really for the rest of the time till we came home. The FM had plans to go away for the weekend so it was all or nothing re: the weekend. Again that went pretty well. The hardest part about everything was I came down on my own just me and dd. DH had to work till the following tues (when we signed papers) so it was too hard just me, dd and new dd. We stayed at my Mom's which helped, but her hubby is anal compulsive and we had to leave mon night as it was getting ugly (I was still on my own). It was such a relif when dh finally arrive tues morning. Signing went' good, no issues ect. Emotionally i've been all over the place, i was feeling really good about things, but I've had a bit of a shift of feelings since we got home, i think it seems more real. also new dd is sick and CRANKY (which i'm sure she'd be anyways) but it's hard dealing with that and a 2.5yo with her nose a bit out of joint. also new dd it VERY possesitve over what she is playing iwth and SCREAMS anytime dd comes near her, which is hard for me and for dd. I'm sure it will take time, and I knew it wouldnt' be easy but she is a sweet little girl with teh cutiest laught. She is so tiny and just toddles around. someone guessed her at 14m (she's almost 21m). I kinda feel at a lost on what to do to help foster attachement, thought read the books and had a plan...she's not interested in bottle feeding, or rocking. Likes to be held but doesn't 'hand on' or mold to your body. She is calling me MAAAA and has a strong preference to me, comes to me if she is crying. So good signs. I know i have to work on her attaching to me and ALOS me attaching to her. I just got my book, toddler adoption the weavers craft so that should help, but honestly at the end of the day the last thing i feel like doing is reading. Maybe it will just take a couple weeks. Hope this doesnt' sound too down, I guess that just where i am right now (that TOM too!!) I'm glad hubby is home for a month!! and hopefully things will settle in to place! any advice more than welcome!