What I did and Why I did It

I think it's great. You were sincere and from the heart. You'll have to let us know how it all plays out.

I think it was sweet of you to write to her. Hopefully it will bring both of you some peace.

I think you did what you needed to do to make peace within yourself. That were thorughtful and sincere words!

You did what I always do, regardless of the advice I am given....You followed your heart!!!! Do not worry things will be ok.:love:

Patty-Cake I think it was something you knew needed to be done. For yourself as much as for amom. Too long you (we) were the silent woman hiding in the wings hoping to be part of the performance. You have acknowledged her role in your daughters life but also asked her to accept there is another significant woman who had a part in this young woman's life. I think, by writing, you will be "real" to the amom. I hope your relationship with daughter is a growing thing and in the years to come you each find you compliment each other's lives. Ann

I am an amom and I think what you did was wonderful. As pp said, you followed your heart and I think it was the right thing to do, for yourself and for your dd.

Hi Patty-cake - I applaud you for putting yourself first and doing what you have to do for your own peace of mind. Kune is right as well - up until now you have been an unknown entity labelled as "bmom". If this is the rght term, you are more human to her and this will only benefit your relationship with your dd. all the best.

Patty-cake... I think speaking from the heart is always a good thing... did you hear back from amom, or from DD? Peace,Susan

No and yes. A.mom did not answer. My daughter have started e-mailing ocasionally. She hasn't mentioned my card and my guess is that she doesn't know. If she finds out - I'll just have to deal with it. I did wait three years. Hopefully that will count for something.

Patty-cake - I'm glad to hear that you are getting e-mails. I hope this is the beginning of a happy, long relationship.

Patty, Good job writing that letter. I was glad to hear that your dd is emailing. I hope this is the start of a relationship you had hoped for. Take care, Found

Patty-cake, I think sending a letter inside a Mother's Day card to your daughter's a.mom was a wonderful, heart-felt thing to do! I'm sorry she didn't respond, but I'm positive that it meant a lot to her. In reunion, there are so many complex feelings and emotions for everyone involved. As time goes by, hopefully she will feel less threatened by you having a relationship with your daughter. Or perhaps not... Either way, you will know that SHE knows how thankful you are that the adoption agency selected her to be your daughter's mom. As far as your daughter pulling back from you communication-wise, it's really quite normal. I reunited with my son in 1990, when he turned 18. We went thru a "honeymoon" period for about a year, where everything was fine and dandy. And then he pulled away from me for a couple years, with only occasional contact. I think that it's just a normal stage of reunion. Just let your daughter know how much you love her, and be sure to let her know that your door is always open.

*Three more years have past since I started this thread. *A few months ago I got an email from my daughter stating that my two grandsons would like to meet me. An answered prayer. Last week my sister and I visited my daughter and her family. The oldest child is now seven and it was the first time to meet the five year old. They are beautiful well behaved and happy.*You may remember that my daughter had a life- threatening illness. She is now being treated for damage caused by the life-saving surgery but if she continues to take care of herself she will live to grow old. Another answered prayer. Seeing her with my own eyes was reasuring. I also think this visit was stress-free on both sides. She seemed glad to see me.*Now get this- Her amom made lunch for us all and we had a lovely time. She is just as my daughter described. I like her. The visit confirmed that while the adoption was a bad thing for me it was the best thing for my daughter. I was in the home dd where grew up with a creek and woods behind it and I saw her school. The church where she was baptised, married and still attends. Shoot if my son ever sees this he might want to be adopted too (kidding). Anyway my prayer was answered very unexpectedly.I am at peace. I think my approval ment something to amom also.Love to all, :cheer: Patty

Thank you for the update Patty. I am so glad that things have turned out this way for you and your dd. What a blessing to her amom that you are all able to be together at least once with things going so well at the meeting.