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My question - is your family with you on adoption even knowing that you are over the age of 40? Our first adoption dh and I were over 40. Our families were excited for us knowing how much we wanted to add to our family. We are currently trying to get our ducks in a row for another adoption. At this point it will be next year. So that being said...we told our families. Didn't go well. Both sides think we are to old and that we should be fair to the child. Of course dh and I disagree. What do you all think? Michelle
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We are currently trying to get our ducks in a row for another adoption. At this point it will be next year. So that being said...we told our families. Didn't go well. Both sides think we are to old and that we should be fair to the child. Of course dh and I disagree. What do you all think? Michelle[/quote] I think you should forge ahead regardless of what your family thinks! I was 38 when we adopted our beautiful daughter (infant domestic). We had some family members tell us we are too old. Our response was "HOGWASH!" In my opinion, ALL children need parents (regardless of their age) who are able to provide a loving, safe and secure home. Go for it!!!!
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We ask our families for nothing, live in another state, they have sat for our adopted children, maybe 2X each in 10 years because WE are the parents. We answer to no one, 'cept God and the commitment to our children. If you handle your own business, you can toss aside what everyone else thinks. Best wishes. Here's hoping you can get past what your family thinks and live by what you FEEL.
I recently wrote a series of posts on the Older Parent blog based on interviews I did with adoptees who had been adopted by older parents ... mostly adults now although one is a teen ... about their feelings.The series starts here [url=http://older-parent.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/adoptees-on-older-parents]Older Parent Adoption Blog - Adoptees on Older Parents[/url]and runs through three posts.And Lucinda, I would have been tempted to pass your soldier off as my new squeeze and the father of my baby-to-be. That would have had the women passing pablum in her Pampers!
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Hi Sandra,I like your idea of passing my son off as my "toy boy", of course he probably would have passed out from embarassment.:eyebrows: Have you noticed that people's reactions are different when our guys announce their impending fatherhood? My husband has gotten those wonderful knowing winks and way to go stud comments. I find it to be truly amazing that society in general seems to think that becoming a father is great at any age and yet motherhood is supposed to be only for the young. Isn't it great to be different?:arrow:Lucinda:flowergift:
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I don't give a rip what any family or friend might think. And I think most of them are smart enough not to say anything. It's funny my dad who often has something to say about everything has been pretty supportive about adoption over 40. One day he said something to me about how his dad was 59 when he had his last child. It used to be that he would say something about MORE kids? ANOTHER child (I'm his only child) But that just comes from the self absorbed materialistic *** that he is. Now it's not unusual for people to be birthing their first child over 40. I certainly am not the only or oldest mom in any given situation (I'm 41) I do still find it amusing (ok annoying at times!) when people say something about "starting over" in adopting again. WHAT? I have children: 18, 15, 4, 1...I "started over" long ago. How is adopting again starting over?! I could maybe understand if they knew about the adoption process and thought I was a bit nutty for wanting to go through it all again (I would agree!) but the whole starting over thing is ridiculous.
As I have posted elsewhere in other forums, I adopted as a single parent at age 59 and my family of course thinks I am nuts, (four teenage drivers in my future when I could be quietly retired) but they now see that it was the right thing for me and for my family. I loved it the other day when my oldest son, now 18, said "I can't believe I'm in America, and dad I can't believe your 60." With four great kids, I feel younger than ever but I have to factor enough rest and recovery time in our activities, but you know what is right for you, not your family or anyone else!
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Hi,
I am 45 years old and 2 years ago we were blessed with our daughter 36 hours after she was born. There are people that think I am her grandmother (I could be) and others who believe that I am 10 years younger then I really am. I thought I was to old really to adopt because I was over 40. Then I realized that their are people 10 to 20 years younger who have more health problems and much less ability to raise a child then myself. People, even family, aren't as sensitive as they should be. It's interesting especially if your hearing it from your parents (if their in their70's it is likely you'll live into your childs late 20's early 30's and that is longer then some people have their lives last and they had kids when they were alot younger). You have something these younger people don't have and that's more experience then they could ever get from someone 10-20years your minor. Raising kids isn't just a physical thing.
Congradulations on the next addition:)