Questions about ODD

I really don't know that I have any advice for you, but have been following your posts, and wanted to wish you the best during this journey. We are looking at adopting a 10yr old boy that is diagnosed with ODD and mood disorder. He is on no meds (but I know kids can be b/c ODD usually has another diagnosis with it - whether ADHD or mood disorder, or etc). The biggest advice Ive been given, is not to get into a "pissing contest" or put the situation into a battle of wills/control. With kids, its giving them the appearance of a choice. For instance, instead of, brush your teeth so you can get to bed, its do you want to brush your teeth before or after we read your bedtime story? So maybe for your husband, it isn't so much of "you need to go get help now", it may need to be phrased, "Look, if we want to work on having our kids back, do you want to start getting help before or after the psych eval when its not as much of a choice?" Explain that the after might delay their return. Your other option is if he's unwilling,... maybe you need to worry about working your plan separately from his. Maybe you need to take into consideration he's not as committed as you may be in having your children back. If that happens, only you can decide if its best to separate. (The parents of my previous placement - 2 sisters - separated once the dad realized the mom was hurting his chances. At the last hearing, althought he girls remained in care, it was documented mom did 0 on her plan and with dad, once he passes one more drug test, they will begin visits from supervised to unsupervised in order to work towards the reunification). I wish you good luck and Im sure some others here can provide you with some additional insight.

At this point, his choices are to do everything he needs to do towards getting the kids back OR leave me so I can get the kids back on my own. He's not happy about this choice, and seems to feel I'm betraying him by choosing our kids over him. I feel his expectations of me are too high, that I'm being completely reasonable in expecting him to get a job and do anything else that CPS wants him to do. I've been in therapy myself for a few months now, and I'm making progress. He wanted me to get into therapy for a long time, because he thinks I'm the reason we've had so many problems. It's my fault he hasn't gotten a job because I haven't done enough to build his self-confidence and I keep nagging him to get a job despite knowing that he doesn't want to cooperate with anyone who tries to tell him what to do. It's my fault the house was a mess because I kept nagging him to do housework instead of just doing it all myself to set a good example. According to him, it's all my fault that our kids were taken away, so it just makes sense that I should have to do all the work to get them back. When I tried to get him to find out more about ODD and suggested seeing a therapist to see if that might be what's going on with him, he claimed that it sounded more like me. I might have to just wait for the results of the psych eval, and if after that, they say I'm fine but he needs help, he'll have to find somewhere else to live while getting help. We are getting marriage counseling, I might try contacting our counselor and asking her if she thought that sounded like him at all. Maybe he'll listen if she tells him he has issues that he will need professional help to work on.

Eomaia,Can I be blunt? You've got to stop it. You MUST stop taking responsibility for your husband's poor decisionmaking.It is not your fault he doesn't have a job. Responsible grownups do not need to be cajoled into working to support their families. It is not your fault he doesn't clean the house. Responsible adults do not need to have examples set by their spouses in order to do their share of the domestic chores. It is not your fault he's not complying with DSS. Responsible adults do whatever they need to do--WHATEVER--in order to ensure their children's safety and well-being.It is not NOT NOT your responsibility to get him to counseling. It is not your responsibility to get him a diagnosis (or an excuse, which is what this dx would amount to). It is not your responsibility to confront his mental health issues. All of these things are on his plate, not yours. Please, don't try to orchestrate your counselor's responses to your husband. It's clear your husband has some serious issues. But he has GOT to seek help on his own or it is worthless. You can't make him do that....he's got to come to it on his own.

I am starting my graduate studies in counseling, and I just finished an abnormal psychology class. I have to say that it sounds like your husband is HIGHLY dysfunctional. You should not be taking any responsibility for his inactions or deficiencies. Adolescents that are diagnosed with ODD and ADHD are what many psychologists refer to as "fledging psychopaths". This is because about 40% go on to be psychopaths. Is your husband violent? If so you really may need to get out. Whatever you do though, just work your plan and work on getting the kids back. Good Luck and God Bless! I am rooting for you :)

First off, your husband canot be diagnosed with ODD, because it is a disorder because in order to meet the diagnostic cristeria the subject must be under the age of 18. Untreated ODD may or may not go on to become mood disorder or psychotic disorder. Bottom line is, if he wants his kids back he will have to undergo the testing, and probably agree to some type of therapy. If you want your kids back, and he refuses to cooperate you then have to make the choice of staying with him, without your children or leaving him so that you can follow your own plan and get your children back. I will pray forboth of you, that you can find the way to heal and your family can be reunited.

My oldest son was diagnosed with ODD and ADHD when he was 8 yrs. old. ODD was a brand new dx at the time and it was very difficult to even find the right dr. to treat it. He was an extremely difficult child and even though we were divorced my ex and I had to really put our heads together and support each other to meet his needs, even providing respite from each others homes! He is 22 yrs. old now and I believe he is a miracle child because nobody would even know there was ever anything wrong with him! He lives independantly with his grandmother, has a full time job, pays all his own bills, has a drivers license and brand new truck, after ONE scrape with the law has never been in trouble since, obtained his high school diploma last year, and is just starting to date! I am convinced he never would have made it but for the fact that HE HIMSELF ACCEPTED AND CAME TO TERMS WITH HIS DISABILITY and fully cooperates with his therapy, takes his meds, and has the support that he has from his family! I am sorry for changing the direction of this thread but I felt that anyone reading the post by hopingtoadoptnWV would think it might be hopeless. While it is true that adolescents that are diagnosed with ODD and ADHD are what many psychologists refer to as "fledging psychopaths" and that about 40% go on to be psychopaths, there are degrees of difficulties with this as with many dxs. and when treatment begins early, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE!

Thank you An_A_frame.... I certainly do not think of either ADHD or ODD to be hopeless. All three of my children hav dx of adhd (two adopted, one bio) and our daughter (one of th adopted) also has dx of ODD. She has been with us for only a year and a half, and I can see marked improvement in her ODD behaviors. All three of my children are very inelligient kids, and can think "out side the box". they are challenging, but sometimes the challenge is just to keep up with their quick minds!