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I would only add that we were not ALLOWED to "hold" our M in any way when she was violent, not even to stop her from hitting us (you don't need to tell me its ridiculous) I realize that your son is adopted so, you may no longer be under the watchful eye of an agency/county. But, in our county, we would have needed special written permission and training from our child's therapist to use any sort of hold since we are a "basic" level home (ahem.).