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I am currently visiting my parents and at times they still believe some misconceptions about adoption. So I thought it would be interesting just how many myths others have about adoption.
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Here's some myths I've encountered as a first mom:
"It [adoption] was for the best" (told to me by people who know NOTHING about me or my son's situation)
Birthmoms forget their children
You can "get over" the pain and loss of losing a child to adoption
Birthmoms are a lower class of people than the adoptive parents
Birthparents steal their children back from adoptive parents
Birthparents are stalkers/crazy/evil
Adoption is an alternative to abortion (rather than an alternative to parenting. Pregnancy is the alternative to abortion).
That if you adopt a child you are "saving" that child from a horrible life. I am the adoptive mom of a wonderful little boy and his birthmom/firstmom is also a wonderful, intelligent person. I resent the fact that people automatically assume she is an abuser or a drug addict. She is neither, just a young woman who chose open adoption because she was not in a position to parent.
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The ones I hate to hear from people are:
"You mean her family didn't want her?"
"How are you going to protect her if her mom comes to look for her?"
People who think we have done some charitable act get on my nerves. I know they mean well but we didn't "give her a good home". We made her a member of our family.
Ohhhhh! The one about "saving the child" really BUGS me! Our son's first mom chose adoption to save herself and her children from being shunned be her family and community- and her life was likely in danger if her pregnancy was discovered- I'd say she was the brave one who SAVED her baby and older children. She put herself on the line to save her baby and gave us a son-- she's my hero and will always have my deep admiration and respect.
Another one that bugs me is assuming that our AA son was adopted from another country- I get that one A LOT and he's only 2 1/2 months old!!!
I'm in the unfortunate position of having a couple of friends who have other friends whose adopted kids are now teens, and I am constantly hearing:
--adopted girls grow up to be promiscuous, looking for love to make up for their damaged psyche.
--no matter what age they were when adopted, adopted teens will act out by failing in school, using alcohol and drugs, and engaging in delinquent behavior.
The funny thing about this is that everyone saying this to me knows that the above "problems" pretty much describe all the teenagers in my family of origin--none of whom were adopted!
--everything about my son's personality is attributed to his being adopted. When my bio kid was a HUGE pain as a preschooler, people told me to relax, it was because she was smart, energetic, etc. When my adopted kid is a little bit of a pain at the same age "What do you think is wrong with him?Too bad you don't know what his mom did when she was pregnant with him..."
It gets old, fast.
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Because our children are black, the birth moms either did drugs or were teenagers.
Because they are black they ASSUME they are from another country
Our adoptions MUST have cost a fortune!
It must have taken us YEARS!
Aren't we worried the Birth Moms will take their children back
Birth dad must be in jail
Deb
