needing support

2 yrs ago i became preg and bc of several factors decided that i would place my baby. after connecting w/an agency and not feeling very supported w/them i chose to look on my own. i found adoptive parents that i fell in love w/ and we develoepd a relationship better than any i couldve imagined. before my due date i went into labor and gave birth to a stillborn baby girl. it was the hardest thing in my life. i was extremely unsupported by friends and family. this was mostly due to me keeping my pregnancy low key and even hidden from some for a variety of reasons. the adoptive parents was supportive and helped me emotionally but turned later after the stillbirth and chose to believe that i was never really pregnant at all which hurts me still more than anything. they had good reason to have doubts bc my ex-bf i later found out had been manipulative and i can only assume all along never wanted me to place. long story and a lot that i didn't know about until it was to late but i was blinded by him for months and he got in the middle of a lot of stuff making me look like someone i was not. the adoptive parents questioning my preg and not believing me has hurt me not only personally bc i have been so unsupported but also bc my daughter has gone unrecognized. the one year anniversary of my daughter has recently come and gone and i went through it completely alone. i no longer have any contact with the adoptive parents (their choice) and my own family and i do not even talk anymore, a lot of which is bc of this situation. i mourned completely alone and am living in a new area where it was easy on the outside to look fine when i was not at all but am hurting still. i still consider myself a birth mom and still struggle not only with not having my daughter, but knowing that no one else does. i am grieving several things at once and i feel so alone and have been struggling a lot and am just looking for support. is there anyone out there who has struggled similarly? i thought time would help but it hasnt. dont know what to do with alot of my feelings bc at times they are just to much. i know my situation is complicated but does anyone out there have any thoughts of advice? it would hekp to hear from other birth parents and how they have dealt with losing their sons/daughters to adoption and the healing too. thanks.