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hi all,this is the first time i've posted to this site, but have found so much helpful information here over the past few months. i'm hoping that this situation might sound familiar to someone out there and i can get some positive re-inforcement....here's the situation....i was an agency pick for this adoption. i found out about this situation the day of birth and met the birth mom and my daughter 12 hours after she was born. the birthmom signed her termination papers about 13 hours after giving birth (kansas law says anytime after 12 hours). the birth father was known, but in this case - the mom had an affair while married to another man so both men were listed in the paperwork. according to the birth mom, the birth father abandoned her as soon as he found out about the pregnancy. he said he wanted nothing to do with the child. he didn't support her. he didn't visit her, take her to the doctor - nothing. the day she was giving birth, the birth father's sister showed up at the hospital trying to lay claim to the baby. of course, she has no rights in this matter and the social worker got her out of the hospital. the baby and i left the state 5 days after she was born, and we were scheduled for our finalization hearing in 5 weeks. during that time, i learned that the lawyers had been trying to serve papers to both the birth mom's husband and the birth father. the birth mom's husband ducked papers all together and through the birth mom, the lawyer learned that he wanted nothing to do with any of this. the birth father was served, but said (at the time of being served) that he would not sign consent. the baby and i returned to kansas a week ago for our finalization hearing. the birth father and his sister showed up without a lawyer. the father said that he wanted the baby and he had talked to the lawyer. my lawyer called his lawyer right there on the spot, and at that time, the lawyer said that he had never heard of the man in question or the case. the judge gave the birth father 72 hours to find a lawyer to take the case (he didn't appoint one). at the 72nd hour, we learned that the lawyer did in fact take the case. so now we wait for the deposition and next hearing. given the fact that this man did not support the mother financially, emotionally or physically during her pregnancy (she lived by herself in an apartment separated from her husband and other children), that at the time of birth was unemployed (and has a history of being so), known to do drugs, has been in jail and doesn't seem to have a permanent residence - what are the odds that the judge would rule in his favor? the lawyer and i both feel that his sister is the one behind all of this and he is simply doing what she says, but it's scaring the heck out of me. Paternity has not been verified, and so far, no one has ordered for a test to be taken. All of his history has been provided to us by the birthmom, and as long as she isn't lying, the lawyer says that we should be fine. I've racked my brains to think of any reason she might think to lie, and I can't come up with any. I just want this to go away. If he were a stand up guy and fighting this my heart would still break at the idea of losing my baby, but at least I would know that she'd be going to a stable environment....with this - it's just a nightmare.Does anyone have any thoughts or have you gone through a similar experience? I feel so isolated with this experience and I would appreciate any thoughts or feedback. Thanks.
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We've just recently been through a very similar experience. We brought home a little boy that was about to be abandoned at the hospital. Bmom was married and had an affair, she walked into the hospital and within 4 mins delivered and told the doc that she didn't want to take him home. The doc is a family friend and contacted us. We went immediately and brought him home two days later. Five days later we went to court for guardianship. Bmom and her husband both showed and did sign consent for us to have guardanship of him. Three weeks went by and we were told that birthdad had decided that he wanted to parent. A week later we went to court and birthdad showed with his mom and at that time we had to relenquish him back to birthdad. We have since learned that birthdad did not show at the first court date because he had 4 outstanding warrants and knew that he would be jailed if he showed. During the three weeks between court dates, his mother paid his fines and obtained the lawyer. We did not have a paternity test but because the bmom had listed him as the birthfather, he was given custody. Now, the judge has ordered a paternity but two months has gone by and the bdad still hasn't had one done. (he says he just "knows" it's his child!) Now, I'm watching the case to see what happens if after the testing it's not his. Now, last week Bdad was arrested again for drugs. It's very frustrating to know that he's in a horrible environment and there's nothing that we can do about it. I wish the judge would order the paternity done immediately so we would know for SURE that it's even his child. Hang in there. (and keep fighting!) Beth
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I am recently in a contested adoption in the state of KS. We were called the day after my son was born and asked to fly to CA to get him. We did so, met the birth mom and she signed papers. BDad was known and had abandoned her as soon as she told him she was pregnant. We waited a week in CA and came home to finalize in KS. The week we came home our lawyer called and said the BDad is calling and wanting to parent. He said he didn't know about the pregnancy. So, we were in a similar situation as it all hinges on the birth mom's story that he abandoned her. KS law is clear that if the BDad knows about the pregnancy and does not support the mother six months prior to birth - he has NO rights. My lawyer sent him papers informing him of our intent to finalize and his options. He did not show on the day of finalization but sent a check for paternity testing which the judge took as contesting. We finalized on contigency that he would not come back to fight for the baby. Turns out, he is the father and he was told in late Sept. We have since heard nothing and my lawyer said that if he does nothing for a year after the finalization, than we are in the clear as he has waited to long. We have one and a half months left! I would say that this situation does sound like his sister is behind it. I would suggest keeping in touch with the birth mom so that you can make sure that she is telling the whole truth - you can't afford any glitch in her story. I will pray that all works out for you and I encourage you to keep us informed. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me! Jaefer
me_echo, I know what this feels like. And yes, in my case my son would also have been returned into a situation which would have been horrible for him. It seems that in cases like this the decision can go either way. In my case the birthmom won at the first trial but then turned around and said she did not want my son. In fact she won without us even getting a hearing. We do still have my son but the birthmom continues to keep us in litigation. My son is 5 years old. A contested adoption is a frightening and draining experience. I am sorry you are having to go through this. Please feel free to come here and vent; many of us have experienced this and are here for you. Hang in there and let us know how you are doing and what is happening. ((HUGS))
We were in a contested adoption kind of similiar to your case- 2 possible birth fathers. All state laws differ for adoption, so I am not sure in your case. Our situation the husband signed off his rights immediately. The other guy in question in the very beginning knew of the pregnancy and told the birth mom to abort- of course, was never there throughout her whole pregnancy and no support. However, that did not matter in our state. Bottom line we had to pay for the dna testing-which was proven this other guy was the father. In our state there is a 30 day waiting time before adoption- So, the birth mom and I protected her rights by filing paperwork with the courts if stating she wanted the adoption to move forward, however if this guy were to step forward the birth mom would still have her rights. Dna proved this guy was the birth father. He wavered back and forth with his decision- we offered open adoption which he agreed to then once again changed his mind. This was so hard for us, emotionally it was just unbelievable. The birth father only seen the baby once in 2 years, and thank God for our judge who made the decision for us to finalize the adoption. The birth father did not show up for the court date- He did file paperwork in the very beginning contesting the adoption- When the baby was 3 months he told the birth mom to tell us he would sign off his rights, which never happened. It was a hard 2 years, but in the end thank God our adoption happened!!! Words cannot express the sheer joy we felt and the birth mom stood by us all the way- that day in court we will never forget!! Please keep coming to this board for all the support, and spiritual uplifting you will certainly need. Bottom line - it will be up to a judge-and time is one thing that should be on your side. However, you can see from others that is not always the case. Hang in there and keep praying...Miracles can and do happen!!
BTDT!
Had a KS contested adoption that lasted for 18 MONTHS.
Sort of similar...BF knew of pgy but gave no support, financially or emotionally.
KS law states that the BF *MUST* support the bmom the last 6 mos of pgy AND that the support must be of "some consequence", as in, not just 20 bucks. It must be enough support to make her consider KEEPING her baby.
Please feel free to PM me.
Good luck!
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We adopted a darling 14 month old little boy. The birth mom signed, and said the birth father abandoned her. We found out she was lying (to protect her son and get him out of the environment) about the birth father's involvement. He was on the birth certificate, they had been to court to establish paternity and had child support payments pending (although no money sent yet in 14 months of life). The Attorney's General office got involved and made this a criminal case claiming abduction by the mother. We had to return our son to the birth father after 3 months. I agree that birth parents have rights and should be allowed to parent. I just have a problem that drug dealing, addicted parents get these children back. The birth father in our case was alleged to deal/do drugs, had no permanent residence, had been in jail and only gave clothes to the birth mom after the birth of the child (no money). I'm just sad that these children seem to have few if any rights. I hope your situation turns out better than ours. We pray each day that our son and his birth father and doing well and that the birth father is turning his life around in order to be a great dad to this little boy. Our thoughts are with you.
