Found my sons Birth family

I'm reading where lots of people are finding birth families in MySpace... someday I need to check this site out! Only you can decide what is best for you and your family. I think every child and situation is different. For my oldest child I have enough information to locate the bio-family. To me none of them are worth finding, but there will come a day it will be important for her to find them and I'll prepare myself the best I can to support her emotionally for what she finds. For my second child she was abandoned at 3months of age by a biomom absorbed in drugs and a biodad that left before she was ever born. I have no where to turn to for family genetic history types of questions. I did my best to get names of bio-family because someday she will want to meet them. I have no doubt some of them will be very worth finding... even if right now they aren't good to be in her life. I don't know much about MySpace, but is there a chance you can contact her with an anonymous email address to exchange information? If she has two pictures posted there might be a chance she'd be willing to send other pictures from birth to when you got your son... what a wonderful opportunity! So many kids adopted out of foster care don't have any pictures of when they were babies. A friend of mine did something similar with her children. She found out the biomom was doing well raising the one child she did have but continued to have grief and anxiety about the one child she didn't know anything about (the child my friend adopted). By opening that contact but maintaining my friends confidentiality she was able to help that biomom gain some closure and reasurance the child she didn't have was doing well. ... do you "owe" it to the biomom... not at all. Do you owe it to your son... that's certainly debatable but why debate. If you can maintain confidentiality for your family you might find some positive qualities in this woman besides the fact she gave birth to your son (instead of abortion), she gave him some good looks, and she didn't fight termination which gave your son the opportunity to move toward adoption that much sooner. Do you owe it to adoptive family of the other sib... no, but they very well might appreciate the contact. I have contact with the family that adopted A3's siblings and I'm so glad I do. The bioparents know nothing of those children's health, and by having contact I found out ALL of them have severe health problems that appear to be genetic in nature. Most of them didn't start showing signs until they were around 2yrs old. I count my blessings everyday that I had a substitute foster home specialist come out who just happen to be the cw for the siblings years ago, he had the adoptive parents email address in his appointment book that he happened to bring, AND he overlooked confidentiality just long enough to share it with me. A week later he left the agency... the good Lord was watching out for us that day. Good luck with your decision!

As ranoutofnames stated, You owe her nothing. However each case is an individual case. We adopted three children through foster to adopt. Our 6 year old daughter, was brought to us at birth. Our twins , at 5 months. Both cases, were closed by the state, however since we had dealt with the parents with visitations , we had knowledge of them. After their adoptions were done, we opted to have an open adoption with the birthparents. Why, people ask? Well because I gave birth to my first child at 18. I had been asked by birth father to give child up. I could not because I could not go through life not knowing if that child was being taken care of. , So I have a different perspective and try to put myself in the place of the birth parents. Now having said that, I have 2 completely different cases with both adoptions. Our now 6 year old, who we got at birth, was removed from her birth mother due to having being convicted in the courts by her peers on TWO counts of severe child abuse. This againset her first two children. there is no way I would ever let my daughter be around her. The birthfather, was allowed to receive pictures, and was allowed to callus to check on child after adoption. While he is a major alcoholic and takes rx and recreational drugs, he is her biofather and cared very much for our daughter as does his mother. He made the mistake of calling several times and demanding that I send him pics of her. I had been doing so, until he did this. He then proceeded to threaten me that he would take me back to court to get our daughter back. HUH??? So he told me he was going to call his lawyer and I told him to do that. Well he did. Guess what? His lawyer told him he had better stay away from us, stop calling us and that we had not had to allow him any contact with our child. So we have had no further contact. Now with the twins, we still allow the birthgrandfather and his wife to see the twins, supervised , every few months. The biomom has the mental capacity of a 13 year old. So even though our children were covered in scabies, starving to death, failure to thrive and very very small and left totally alone, most of the time, I know that this is due to this woman;s mental capacity. It sounds like your biomom was very very young and immature . Sounds like she has grown some, matured some and maybe even been taught how to care for her child since she gave birth to yours. I thank my bio families every day for giving my husband and I the children we prayed for. The children we longed for but could not have anymore. So you just have to weigh the cases individually and come up with your own answer. It would be good to let her know he was doing good. Perhaps your child may be lucky enough to have some sort of relationship with his siblings. Just remember that you will then have to deal the biomom and all that entails. Good luck with what ever your decision is. While not both of my situations turned out positively, I can honestly tell my children that we tried to make their biofamily part of their lives. yanknrebel

... Set upi a new myspace account one that does not have the city where you live or any of your real friends on it. You can correspond through the page and she will never have your real email address. You can post pictures that you want her to see and vice versa. :clap:

I think that is a really good idea. If you want to contact her.

i just found my son's bio mom on myspace last week. unfortunately she hasn't 'been on' for a year, i think we were still tpr-ing when she last logged on. she had requested pictures through the county about 6 mo ago, i sent to the cw and then to her. i have heard nothing since. i emailed her through myspace asking for a valid email or home address if she would like pics. i also emailed a 'friend' on there that seemed to be on more, no response yet. i am fine with sending pics if she wants, but the not knowing bothers me...if not, i wish i knew she wanted no contact. i would like some basic info for when he is older, but we will see i guess. she was also young, 17, when she had him.

I set up an account for my son last November. I put a bunch of pictures from when we got him and continue to update it monthly. I bit the bullet in December and contacted her. We have been in contact since, and actually had our first phone conversation last weekend. It is going really, really well. I actually like her alot. She has yet ANOTHER child now, a girl born in May. I get to see pics of both kids she is raising and we compare them to my son. I know now that she DOES love him, and I'll keep in contact with her for his sake..and it's also really cool to have someone to talk to that loves him as much as I do.

Thank you for the update...I'm so glad to hear things are working out well for you...and bmom :)