Naming?

If the name of your child is important to you and your family's culture, then it is likely that it will be important to your child as he/she matures. Do you think your child will care about his/her name with respect to his/her cultural background? If yes, then it should be an important factor in your negotations with the adoptive parents. If it is important to you - it is a deal breaker if they are not respectful of your family's culture. Happy G'Ma

FWIW, my son's mother chose his first name. I did foster-to-adopt, so even though my son came to me at age 21 days, I didn't adopt him until he was 2. I could have changed his name at that point, but by then it was so *him,* KWIM? It's not a name I would have chosen, but it's his name, and I love him, so I love his name. And it's left him with a connection to his bmom that I think he'll value as he grows older.I did change his middle name, though, because it was his father's first name. I think his relationship with his bdad is going to be mighty complicated, and so I thought he should have the freedom to embrace that part of his identity or not, as he chooses. If he gets to a certain age and wants that name back, I'll take him to the courthouse and we'll change it back.So, yeah, I think if you want to pick the name, and you can find a family that agrees, it's not a big problem. The aparents will eventually love the name because they love the kid, and the kid will get the gift of a name from you.

I am a-mom but in our situation, our birthmother asked if we had a name chosen and we did, she said she liked it and never said anything else about it until she gave birth. She decided to name them, she said she wanted them to know she loved them enough to name them and she knew that when the adoption was final, they would get new birth certificates anyway so it didn't matter to her that we named them. But if it did matter, we would never have changed their names and would have kept them as she chose them to be. If in a future adoption, we have a birthmother that wants a name incorporated into one we have chosen, we can certainly do that too. We would have been open to incorporating her names too, had she wanted us to.

We adopted our daughter as an older child. she came with her name. However, her middle name had very negative connotations and didn't fit a sweet little 3 yr old...she also didn't really know her middle name. So we asked her if she'd like to pick out a new middle name, she said yes and we ended up agreeing on one that is a tradtion in my family. It also happens to be my middle name, so she is very proud to share mommie's middle name. If I had hated her first name, we might have made it her middle name...but we really liked it.To this day, I'm not sure if the bmom ever even knew of the change. I don't know if she would care, to tell you the truth.

This is just how I feel and I'm not out to offend anyone.I think a name is HUGE. It's what you call someone everyday. A name often defines a person. There have been studies done that when a child has a name like "Barbie" or "Candy" that those children are more likely to be thought of as "not smart." Children with names like "Mildred" and "Elmer" didn't do as well on essay questions than children who had more "likeable" names. I changed my own name because I didn't feel that it was representative of me. We chose our son's name to honor his grandfather and a favorite uncle. Names have meaning. In some cultures, there are rituals surrounding naming children. I don't think you're wrong to want to name your child. But a name isn't necessarily a small thing. :hippie:

We have not been matched yet but for me picking out a name will be very important and I want to have the full input of the emom. I plan to ask her if she has an important name to consider. If not, I hope she will choose the name from a few we have considered and hope to incorporate her name somehow, maybe as a middle name. To me, it is important to honor her in some way and I think it will be especially important to the child someday.

I did choose to name my son after he was born. He had the name his father and I called him when I pregnant, and my father's name as his middle name. It was, as a pp said, very important for me to know that if he ever looked, he would know that we cared enough to name him. I keep a journal for him, just in case he ever comes looking for me, and just this morning, I explained the significance of the name. Ress

There was a name that was sticking with me the whole time I was pregnant. I put that name on my baby's originial birth certificate, even though I had asked what they were planning to name him (it was different than what I chose). When I write letters that I actually send, I call him by his new name. When I write things to him that I plan to share when he is an adult, I call him by my name for him. I like their name for him, but I felt like I wanted to call him something else when I was in the hospital with him, when I was the only mother he knew. I don't know if that makes sense, but it does to me.

Our 3 boys were foster /adopt and we kept their names as they came to us. We are now planning to adopt a baby girl due in October. We would like the bmom to pick out her first name if she is comfortable doing that. We haven't brought the subject up with her yet. My problem is when people ask me what we are going to name the baby and I tell them our plan to let the bmom pick the name they are not very supportive of our decission. In fact a really good friend is constantly suggesting names to me just in case the name is unusable. Has anyone else faced this issue?

In my case, the name was decided on mutually. You can name the baby, but they can also choose new name for baby as parents. feel free to im me: nicoleindallas1

Wow...this is an old thread. I delivered back in March. I chose my daughter's parents VERY carefully (as I'm sure everyone does) and one of the things important to me was a name chosen by me that would be kept and used. She is a little over 6 months old now. Her two birth certificates show the same first and middle name I had chosen, and her last name on the original birth certificate is her a-parents' last name. I see how many of you on this thread and elsewhere on the site said essentially, b-mom can put what she wants on the original birth certificate but the a-parents have the right to change it later.Ӕ Yes, they do have the rightbut for any e-mom out there who thinks the name is important, it IS possible to find parents who will allow baby to keep the one you choose. I matched independently and I talked to a lot of couples by email or on the phone. From the 50-60 profiles I read, I talked to a dozen who looked like they œmight be a match, making it clear to them that I was making no promises and was looking for specific thing. Then I asked only open ended questions. Only 5 were willing to agree to keep the name I chose without ever hearing what name I had chosen. Of those, I narrowed it down to two based on their locations. And I drove to meet both before making my final decision based on which I felt I got along with best. I canԒt say how it will be in a year, or 5 years or 15 years. We have had a few little bumps but things are going good.

Thank you so much for the update!!

Thanks for the update - it is so neat to hear how things turn out. And I am glad you stuck to your guns and made sure you got what was important to you. On another note - I see in your siggy that you are/were pumping for your baby while the amom induces lactation - that is really, really cool. I am also breastfeeding our adopted son (adopted internationally). I now help other amoms who are thinking about it. Can I ask you - was this something important to you, the amom, or both? I'd love to hear more about it if you feel like it - if not, I totally understand that too!

I just wanted to say, with our twins, their bio mom asked us specifically if we had names picked out and we did but were open to the names she had chosen. She assured us it would be fine to name them what we had chosen with her last name on the original birth certificate. It was the day they were born that she changed her mind and named them what she had chosen, she said she knew their last names would be changed anyway and felt we could change the names as we wanted but wanted them to know she loved them enough to choose names for them. If we hadn't been calling them by the names we chose all along, we probably would have kept the names she chose. As for our daughter, her biomom asked what names we were thinking and when we told her, she was very excited since it was a name she had thought about naming her other daughter. I think it honestly depends on the bio mom and what she really feels is important as well as the adoptive parents, that's what makes it a match, right?

To me, naming was important. I know not every e-mom will make it one of their criteria. But I wanted to say, it could be done, because SO many people told me no and were insistent that I should give up that want. So many people said that if I wanted baby to keep the name I chose, that must mean I wasnt actually sure of my plan to place. I wanted people to see that it is possible to find whatever you feel you need in an a-family no matter how many people tell you itҒs not possible or that they dont agree. Keep searching until you find someone who does. YouҒre right. Thats what makes it a match҅but too many of the b-parents Ive met ғsettle and I think they should be encouraged to find that perfect match no matter how long it takes. PumpingԅIt wasnt my plan at all. My plan was to nurse in the hospital (there are many health benefits for mom and baby from early and on-demand nursing but after reading the pamphlets, I offered without really knowing how much work it would be and how much contact would result form it. Then after 5-months of baby being exclusively fed my milk (from bottles and occasionally straight from the tap), I told the a-parents that I couldnҒt keep it up any more; it was too much contact, too much work. We compromised in that I would wean form the pump slowly҅but baby had bad reactions to formula and the a-mom decided to induce lactation. Im not weaning from the pump as fast as IҒd likebut a-momŒs supply is starting to slowly come in (I have no idea what shes doing). She wasnҒt planning to nurse at all originally and now shes talking about ғextended nursingԅ