I have another question to aparents

I'm not LDS, but thought I'd chime in!! First of all - we were not chosen based on our ethnic background and physical features - perhaps that is an LDS practice, but for us it wasn't the case. When I was at my sons birth-great-grandma's house I saw a pic of his birthmom as a baby. Now, I've always known he looks like her - since day one!! But seriously, at six months old, if you had slapped a dress on him you would of thought it was the SAME baby!! I think it's cool. But I've always known her, so it didn't come as a surprise. Interestingly - he also looks alot like me - tho his birthmom and I are not at ALL similar. I don't really see it in the day to day , but I hear it all the time from others. And when I look at our family pics and stuff - yup there is a resemblance. Not that it matters :)

That's cool. :) As far as how a child is placed, I thought that's how it was done. I don't know for sure. I just thought that's how the children sometimes look so much like the adopted family is because of the background and all that. Maybe they don't match them that way. I don't know. There is this one couple who adopted a little girl who looks so much like her aparents I didn't even have a clue that she was adopted. The only reason I found out was because of my talking about my daughter one time and these people walking up at the moment and hearing about my situation. That's when they told me their little girl was adopted. It was really a shock to know that. This little girl gives them a LOT of excercize. She's one of the most active little girls I've ever known. She's such a cute kid but very very stubborn and knowing what she wants and doesn't want. The parents pretty much give her anything she wants and has spoiled her rotten. But she's such a cute kid. She's only about 6 or 7 years old. Rylee

Children are only matched with aparents based on ethnic background and physical features if that's what the birthmom wants. Maybe LDS Family Services used to do it that way, way back when, like many other agencies did, but now the choice is totally up to the birthmom. I know that our daughter's eyes and smile match her birthmother exactly. Sometimes when she smiles it throws me off guard, and I almost want to call her J (birthmother's name). It IS a constant reminder that she has a birthmother, and that birthmother is not me. However, it is also a constant reminder that someone else out there is thinking of us and praying for us. And loving my daughter and wanting the best for her. So I think it's kind of neat how much they look alike. I can't say it will never bother me that I don't have that connection with my children. I DO get a little envious that they share that with someone else. But if I had been their bio mom, then they wouldn't be them, ya know what I mean? So, years down the road, when I see them together and they look alike, and talk alike and laugh alike. Will that bother me? I honestly don't know. But I wouldn't change a thing about my daughter, and I hope I am secure enough in my motherhood and my relationship with her that that wouldn't be an issue. If it is, then I guess it will be MY problem, and I'll have to deal with it.

It's encouraging to hear things like what you've posted here to my question. I hope that when the time comes that your children will meet their birthfamily (if they don't already know them personally while they grow up) that you'll be ok with their meeting and not be jealous and realize you gave them love and they will love you just as much if not more for supporting their being able to know who their birthfamily is. I realize that is easier said than done. I liken the feelings a little bit to my feelings when the children I raised started caring about their step mom and spending a lot of time with her for awhile in their lives. That was really HARD to watch and I was jealous but it was my problem not my kid's problem. I did face it and dealt with it and even tried to get to know my ex's wife so we could be friends and I would be able to know what was happening with my kids when they went for visitation with their dad and his wife. It definitely helped my kids to see us all getting along. I think the jealousy is something that can destroy of potentially great relationships. I wish so much that the people who adopted my daughter would have realized that I wasn't some monster waiting in the wings to steal my child back. I always hoped they'd love me too. I wish more parents would love the birth mom and realize the pain she is/was going through to give her baby up was worse than most any pain they will ever experience and that pain doesn't just go away because the baby is gone. If anything not knowing makes the pain even worse. The pain is deep and if an adoptive parent would see how much that girl needs to know she was appreciated and loved too and (in most cases I guess) gave the baby up to give it a better chance in life than they may have had with her, there wouldn't be so much jealousy maybe. I don't know. Also the pain the girl felt in giving her baby up would be eased I'm sure. I just know I always thought my daughter's parents would love me too but they hated me instead. :( That was just as hard as finding out all the horrible things my daughter had to go through in her life because I gave her up for adoption. I appreciate the fact you guys here would help the bmom to be eased of pain and also your child given the opportunity (when they are old enough and can handle it) to know their bfamily. And would support them in that action. Rylee