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I am separated from my husband - have been for a few years. We have one son and a very amicable parenting plan. I just discovered that he has another son that he agreed to put up for adoption last year right after the baby was born. I don't know the birthmom. I am so incredibly sad for my son right now (he is 7). I feel overwhelmed that he will grow up not knowing his only other sibling and then have to process the fact that he had one all along when he is an adult. (It was a closed adoption.) I don't know if I have the right to communicate w/ the birthmom (or if my son's dad would give me the info to pursue communication or if she would be angry i contacted her). I guess i just need to vent because i found out just last nite and can't stop crying - does anyone know if my son has any rights to see his half brother. I suppose not but want to make sure.
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Hi,
An attorney may be able to tell you about your son's rights, children often have very few. Sometimes attorneys give you "one free question". However, a closed adoption does mean that they are legally not brothers anymore, not relatives.
Follow up with the with the agency they used. Social workers aren't always informed on legal issues, and may well cite confidentiality concerns, perhaps they could put your, and your son's information on file. People may not be ready to act now, but there is always a chance down the road. The adopted boy may want to know about bsiblings as he grows up.
Does the birth mom know about you and your son? She probably has a lot of emotions around the adoption and her son. I can't see a legal reason why you couldn't contact the birth mom (but, I'm not a lawyer). Do you know for youself what you hope to gain from contacting her?
Pam
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I am an adoptive Mom that knew when I adopted my son he had a brother that was 15 months older. I was very open with my son while growing up about adoption. When he turned 18 he wanted to find his b/m. I helped him with that quest however the b/m did not register with the agency like she promised in the letter she wrote for me to give him.
We then started talking about his half brother (not knowing if he was a full brother or a half brother, we still don't know). I searched everywhere I know and finally located someone that could help me. Within a few hours I had the name and location of my son's brother. They were reunited and for the last 10 years have had a wonderful relationship. They look alike and are in the same profession.. The older one did not want to be reunited with the b/m and my son, having found his brother no longer had the urge to find her either.
These 2 men (they are now in their 30's) talk, email and see each other as often as they can. One is on the west cost and the other on the east coast.
Your son is a bit young to understand any of this right now, I would wait and when you know that the time is right you can talk to your son about his brother. Be open with him. This is not your fault, you did not have control of the b/f. You are angry right now but it will get better. You will not be able to find his brother until the brother is 18.
I wish you and your son well and hope when they are reunited it goes as well as my a/son and his brothers reunion did.