Reintroduction/Update....long

OK - I need to quit lurking here and let you know who I am....after reading for a couple of weeks (and a couple of posts) I'm finally starting to recognize the familiar names from before..... DH and I started out with a placement of a brother and sister six years ago. The sister didn't even make it four months, and we had her sent back to California. Fast forward 5 years....turns out that was the right decision as she had sexually abused her brother, whom we kept. Talk about a living hell - being forced to live with your abuser! Anyways, we moved from Tenn. to New York. I always thought we were progressing in our work with an attachment therapist there - things were calming down at school and at home. I guess that's why I didn't follow this board much at the time! Later on we figured out that R. was just using his already-well honed manipulative skills to con the therapist - absolutely no progress and lots of time and money down the drain! After three years in NY, I was downsized from my job, and we ended up back in eastern Tenn. This time around there are much better resources within driving distance! We went for the two week intensive last August (after the NY AT told us R. did not need an intensive.....hold on to that thought - I'll get back to it later!!!). After one week, we figured RTC was going to be our only answer, but R. did come back the next week and do some great work. He's continued to work hard in therapy (the majority of the time) throughout the year, up until a couple of weeks ago. Who knows what the trigger(s) were.....the only thing I can figure out is that "family" was getting way too real for him. The last couple of weeks before school (about four weeks ago), we had some really fun, great family times, plus I let him "work" with me at my job (we had some cleanup work to do) for a few days - maybe he started actually getting closer to mom and totally freaked out? Well, it's gone downhill fast from there. It's like he got so close and then he slammed the door, and it's like there's not even a relationship there anymore, where there were good glimpses of genuine attachment before. In a lot of ways it's like he never went to the intensive - some behaviors are still better (there's still some reciprocal behaviors sometimes) and some are worse than they ever have been...stealing, lots of defiance (does whatever he wants), verbal abuse. No violence yet but he is an extremely strong kid and given his history that is scary. Nothing in my therapeutic parenting toolbox works! We've gone to one therapy session since- he refused to talk. We have another one later on this week. We're thinking RTC again.....I just read a few of Nancy's blogs and yes, how much does an adoptive parent have to take? Now that I feel like the relationship with my son has disappeared, I can't take the verbal or the emotional abuse anymore. [back to that earlier thought.... and this is the kid who didn't need an intensive?!] I try not to get mad at myself for being so desperate for a child that I adopted a child like this. I really am starting to resent him for the emotional pain he has brought into our family, and how having a child with RAD has destroyed our dreams of adopting more children. I am extremely, extremely angry with the California foster care system for tossing him around for six years and never ever addressing his issues (we have since found out he was diagnosed with RAD at age six - he was nine when he came to live with us! And yes, we asked plenty of questions about RAD and attachment issues before placement, and never got the straight answer that the diagnosis was already there.) For the foster parents who did nothing for him except collect their subsidy check each month. For the foster parent who ignored him when he told her about A. sexually abusing him - and that same FP who never reported the abuse to DCS (it was not in his file and a total surprise to his caseworker, whom we still keep in contact with). It just totally blows my mind that for all he's been through R. does have a lot of qualities one needs for a sucessful life....except the main one - attachment. So many people wasted so much precious time and his chance for a successful life. So, after all that....what can you guys tell me about RTC? are there any out there for kids with RAD? thanks so much, Fran