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Hello everyone! You may have met me in the chat room, but I have been gone for a while. I am having some reunion blues and need some advice or help. In case there are some of you that don't know me, I am a reunited adoptee. I was reunited last November after 25 years. My bmom was too young (16) to keep me so she gave me up for adoption. The reunion had been going really awsome....almost like a dream.....until recently. We were talking quite a bit and I would often go visit her and hang out with her. We live very close which made this fairly easy. We would hang out or at least talk on the phone about 1 or two times a week. I was extremely happy. Then, on August 5th I celebrated my first birthday with her and her family. It was cute and nice and she gave me some funny things like a bib, sippy cup, etc. It felt like a dream come true to spend this day with her. However, after that day I have not really spoken to her. She sent me one email and told me she was sorry but she has been busy and gave me a day that she would call me. I understand that she is busy....she works 2 jobs and has 5 other kids....but the day she promised she would call on came and went and I did not hear from her. It has been over a week now since she said she would call and my nerves are starting to get to me. Am I being overly worried? I just do not want to do anything to break the bond we had started and am worring about loosing the bond and feeling rejected all over again. Please give me your input!
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I can TOTALLY relate to that... "oh my.. she's going to disappear AGAIN!" feeling... or "did "I" do something to upset her?"... it's all normal in the beginnings of reunions. I've been reunited for 6 years with my bmom, bsibs, and extended bfamily and still have moments that I'm afraid of them leaving me... (BUT...they haven't and won't.. so I just have to take a deep breath and get through that moment of feeling scared)...A good book I'd recommend that you read if you haven't already is The Adoption Reunion Survival Guide by Julie Jarrells Bailey and Lynn NMA Giddens.. It gives you a good overview of some of the common issues and feelings that crop up from time to time in reunions. One time when my baby bbrother and his family was leaving after a weekend visit... I almost panicked and felt like I wouldn't see him again... but just because I had the feeling... certainly didn't and doesn't mean that what I'm afraid of WILL happen. Try to take things slowly... give you all the space to deal with things on your own terms as well... sometimes there are temporary pull backs..ie lulls in a reunion so the rushes of feelings can be dealt with. Perhaps your bmother is feeling a rush of painful feelings that she needs some time to work through... I doubt that she will go anywhere... you're on the right path... keep us posted... sal
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