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I haven't posted in oh such a long time. or read for that matter. I am having something that I am having a hard time dealing with. Placing my daughter for adoption is something I have always felt very much at ease with. I didnt place because I didnt think I could find the resources, or because I felt pushed to place or because I thought I wasn't able to parent. I simply didnt have the desire to parent. (and still don't)When I found myself pregnant I briefly thought of parenting but decided to place rather quickly. I wanted my daughter to have a "normal" life persay. I didnt care if she was in a 1 or 2 parent home, I didnt care what religion they were or where they worked or lived. I was open. I did want her to grow up being able to go to slumber parties, ride her bike down the street and skin her knee, go to school at the same school year after year, catch fireflies and play in the backyard, be able to be a KID. I knew she would not be able to do that with me. I have a crazy life and still do, I worried she would grow up to quickly. I did not want that for her. Her life to this point has been normal, from what I have seen. But as of lately I do not agree with some of the things her parents have her doing. Throwing her into a acting career at a young age. And my mother has told its not my place to not think its right, when I placed her I gave up that right. And yes I understand that, but still these are my feelings and I have a right to feel them?It's hard for to deal with. I have dealt with everything else fairly well about being a birthmother. But not this. Its hard when the reason you placed your child is turning upside down.
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Quite frankly, there's nothing to "do," exactly. (I wrote about this recently on the birth/first parent blog: [URL="http://birthparents.adoptionblogs.com/index.php/weblogs/when-parenting-styles-change"]here[/URL].) This is a prime example of why being explicit in your desires for parenting PRIOR to the signing of TPR (or even prior to a match) can be so vital for expectant parents. Of course, as expectant parents, we don't always know the questions to ask. Quite frankly, the waiting families don't know, for sure, how they will parent either. And so, while there's nothing you can DO, you just need to take care of you and the relationship. If it's getting in the way of how you are able to communicate with them or how you live your life, I encourage you to seek out counseling. As I said in the post, if your relationship is BEYOND strong, you can ask them in a non-confrontational manner why they've chosen acting for their child but whatever their answer is, you must simply, point-blank, accept. No questions. No arguments. It's hard to watch your child be parented in a way that vastly differs from how you would want them to be parented. This is a tough pill for birth parents to swallow.
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I guess asking the question "what should i do?" really wasn't the right way to pharse it. Because there isnt really much I can do. But thanks for understanding what I meant. :flowergift: When placing her I never thought to ask, "Are you going to be getting her into modeling or an acting career?" It never crossed my mind at the time. I wish I could talk to them about it but I really don't have that close of a relationship, where I could say "HEY...why are you chosing this or this?" And I know I would not want to be questioned. I hate being questioned about the decsions I make for my life, I believe I would really hate it if someone questioned my parenting decsions, so I could not do that to someone else. This is definetly a hard pill for me swallow. Its the 1st time I am being confronted with my decsion and not liking it.