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[FONT=Fixedsys]Prior to reunion if anyone had asked I would have said that I had forgiven my daughter's b.father for the way he treated me when I was pregnant. For example he told me that I was causing my own problem by reefusing to get an abortion- at that time abortion wasn't even legal. When the past was brought to light I found I was angrier than ever. Particularly when I learned 33 years after the fact that he had lied to my family. However I have now forgiven the boy.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Fixedsys]During the course of our relating our story to our daughter this now grown man very suttely interjected things to put me in a bad light- I suppose to make his behavior seem okay. I had a big problem with this. I have now gotten over my anger but I would not go so far as to use the term forgiven.[/FONT]
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[FONT=Fixedsys]I have been in therapy for three years for depression and am doing much better. My therapist says that I must forgive this man for my mental health. I think my feelings are normal. I don't dwell on the subject or want to cause him any harm. [/FONT]
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[FONT=Fixedsys]I know that as a Christian I must forgive that I may be forgiven. I have begun to pray about it- for the health of my soul- not my mental health.[/FONT]
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Thank you for sharing Patty Cake. I would tend to agree with you that the feelings of anger you felt are normal. I also can't see blaming another person for feelings you felt, but that's just me. I always have to remind myself that people do not cause me to feel a certain way, I allow myself to feel that way.
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During the course of our relating our story to our daughter this now grown man very suttely interjected things to put me in a bad light- I suppose to make his behavior seem okay. I had a big problem with this. I have now gotten over my anger but I would not go so far as to use the term forgiven.
I think that letting go of the anger is a better way to look at it..
Letting go of the past and realizing that this man is not a very nice person.. An unfair person.. A person that does not and did not honor the very person you are.. That is what I have a hard time forgiving..
People will tell you they love you and then they turn on you when you do not go the way they want you to go.. Like go against your beliefs and get an abortion..
How do we forgive people that disrespect us.. Heck how do we forgive people that do not respect what a birthmom has gone through..
Recently in the news there was a story about a woman that gave a child up.. over twenty years ago.. and has just recently found out the child died.. at six months..
I have been in therapy for three years for depression and am doing much better. My therapist says that I must forgive this man for my mental health. I think my feelings are normal. I don't dwell on the subject or want to cause him any harm.
This from Melody Beattie..
Codependents Guide To The Twelve Steps
Page 227
Glossary of Recovery Terms.
Resentment҅ Resentments are angry feelings that we havent dealt with, resolved, or let go of. They develop from anger that isnҒt fully felt. The remedy for resentment is fully feeling our anger, releasing our anger, taking any appropriate action (such as setting a boundary or making an amend), then topping it off with forgiveness. In recovery, we learn to talk about our feelings, including our anger and resentment, in a productive, healthy way.
I believe that some birthmoms have not really felt the anger involved with giving a child up for adoption.. Some of us were not allowed our anger in the beginning.. when we relinquished.. we had to comply..
Stuff our anger..
Jackie
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[FONT=Fixedsys]Thank you for your replies. While there are things that I wish hadn't been said and/or done the best thing to do is move past it and I am doing that. I'm not without sin myself so I really know in my heart that I need to work on this forgivness thing harder than I have been.- Patty[/FONT]
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