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We've had our 12 year old girl with attachment "issues" (no one has admitted yet that it's RAD) for 6 weeks & she now is starting to use the "F" word when upset with me for any reason. I'm the only one who hears it, of course! I've had some success with the logical & natural consequences approaches but am looking for help with techniques to stop the language. I know they are only words & are meant to push a button she has yet to find but want to start working more on the respect aspect. Thanks!
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try these as a reply (something to let her know you heard her without getting into a power struggle or lecture/argument): "ouch", "wow, where did that come from?".Our AS came to us with a history of disrespectful language - it has been a long, hard road to correct and when he is angry or scared he still regresses to that behavior, though in a milder form....he will have a heck of a time if he gets stopped by the cops when he's older. The only thing that has helped him the most is therapy and healing. Not much of an answer....if anyone else has any ideas I'd love to hear them also. Good Luck!Fran
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When my kids disrespect me, they get a chore to help them appreciate me more and they also get to write nice things about me.
My daughter tried out the "blah blah blah" thing when I was talking to her the other day. She got to look up the phrase in the dictionary and write about it and write what it meant she was doing when she used it to disrespect me.
Another thing I've done with inappropriate language is to sit with a dictionary/thesaurus and find 5 appropriate words to use in it's place instead. Obviously they need help in building their vocabulary, right? Wouldn't want them to be stunted in this area!;)
One technique I've heard about but haven't used is to tell them since that word is obviously so important to them, it's the only word they can use. Guess the thought process behind it is if you are giving them permission to use it and only that word, it loses it's "flair" because their motivation is to push your buttons. If not only can they not push your buttons with it and also are being told to do it, they don't like that loss of control.
This morning while getting ready for church dd chose not to do what I asked her to do and to speak to me disrespectfully instead. I ignored her as best I could at the time.
But after church, when we were going to go to a picnic, I came home first and left her here with Dad. She was quite surprised and mad at me, pleading to come to picnic. I simply said, "No, this morning you chose not to do what I asked and to treat me badly. Now I am choosing not to spend the day with you. We all make choices."
Course bummer part of it was, she and dh got the good end of the stick. Traffic sucked all the way there and back and it rained the entire time. It really was NO fun! But I will never tell her that.
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