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Hi, I jumped over here from the Guatemala adoption forum. I brought my son home from Guatemala on 01Jun2007. He was 21.5 months old. He is now 26 months old and I am at my wits end with bedtime.I should say- the social worker was out last night and she says I should relax, he is doing fine and our attachment is wonderful. That said since my son came home, he has had a bedtime ritual of calling down teh hallway for me for 15-20 minutes. I understood that he was making sure I was still there. Since I live in a ranch, I am just in the next room, so he can hear me. That behavior stopped about 3 weeks and I was so relieved that he was going to bed without the usual games. But with the change in weather this week, I have added blankets to his bed. Now, he deliberately pushes the blankets off of himself right after I leave the room and then screams blood murder if I do not come back in and put them back on him. This has gone on for a week and each night the time until he sleeps gets longer and longer and he is already tired when I put him to bed. Tonight, out of frustration, I told him that I would take the blankets away if he did it again (after going back in 2 times) and I did take the blankets away (he is dressed warmly enough to sleep for a few hours without blankets). He screamed and screamed. I am so upset by the time he falls asleep, angry because he is pushing buttons, frustrated because he is tired and says he wants the blankets and then pusheds them off, etc. He is so calm and relaxed before he starts all this. We have aset routinue- bottle, books, 2 minutes rocking in the chair (it could be 30 minutes and he would still want more), then bed (afte rhe says "bed". I just can not see going back into his bedroom every 20 seconds to put the blankets back on him. I am tired of this game- how do I get him to stop this? I am seriously considering putting him in heavy blankey sleepers now and removing all the blankets from his room just to remove game from him and it is a game- he gives me this cute little smile each time I walk in- like he is saying 'see, I got you to come back'. Love to you,Deb
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Deb, I am not a single mom, but I AM the mother of a toddler with sleep issues galore so I empathize. My DD pushes all of our buttons at bedtime. First, yes, try blanket sleepers. Second, you are so good that you are not bringing him into bed with you (we have stopped that habit, but DD still gets up between 4 and 6 and comes in our bed, since at that point I NEED sleep and don't want to "struggle" with her). Third, I know 15 or 20 minutes FEELS like a lifetime, but I have gotten to the point that I have to realize that DD is overtired, she is not "wanting" for anything, etc. Thankfully, she is a thumbsucker so she usually finds her thumb and calms down after a few minutes. Is there some kind of "lovey" or "special toy" that may calm him down? I know that there are some Toddler Sleep Solutions books...I haven't gotten any yet, but maybe someone else will have a suggestion. You are a GREAT mom...don't question yourself! And as my mom keeps saying, "it's just a phase! it's just a phase!" PS: It IS so hard not to chuckle sometimes even whey you are frustrated. DD will say things like, "Mama, don't leave me!" so dramatically and it cracks me up. She used to call for our dog to come "rescue" her....Kids are so manipulative with their cuteness, aren't they!
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Thanks for the advice- Aidan has 6 lovies in his bed- Mickey Mouse (meme), Pooh, Paco (Pablo from the backyardigans), monkey, Tony Stewart Bear, and bear. He pretty much ignores them now- they were really necessary when he first came home. He really wants to take stickers to bed with him now and I allow him ONE otherwise he would have stickers in his hair (or worse, down his throat). My mom advised me, today, to just let him cry it out and keep telling him to pull his blankets back over himself. It was so hard given that adoptive parents are told over and over not to allow their children to cry it out, but I did it. And sure enough, he pulled the blankets up over himself. I did have to go in and change a diaper during all of this drama, but I did not put the blankets on him. He finally fell alseep 20 minutes after I put him to bed- which is the length of time it used to take to get him to sleep when he first came home. I totally agree about the manpulation thing- he had that down pat from day one with his limited English vocabulary- peepee, poopoo, agua, tissue (that one is new), rock (rocking chair), etc and on and on and on. I am not ready for him to grow up, but I am ready for him to grow out of this stage (I think). Love to you, and thanks for the advice.Deb
For our son, the only thing that worked was the cry-it-out method. It killed us, but it worked.For our younger daughter, we tried the gradual withdrawl thing. We would tell her to stay in bed and we'd be back "in a minute". We would come back in a minute, stick our head in the door, say something comforting and tell her we'd be back "in a minute" again.Well, as you can imagine, the minutes became longer and longer each time, until about a week later we didn't need to do it anymore.Our older daughter, knock wood, always slept like a rock. Funny how every kid is different....Audrey