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Hi all, I want to intro myself and hear from those of you who've BDTD.
I'm 28, 2 mos married to my 33 y/o DH. We also have a noncustodial SD (well, she's his DD, my DSD - she is the best). High income white collar professionals, college and Master's degree holders, own our home in a decent subdivision, etc. As far as we can tell, we are able to have bio-kids, but basically long story short, we have decided that both having AND adopting is what's best for our family, and that we prefer to adopt internationally. We are currently in the process of socking money away for the adoption fees; most of our fam/friends gave us $$ in lieu of wedding gifts for this reason. :) We like Bulgaria bc of the pro-adoption movement, the relatively short time in country, etc.
So I have some questions before I run out and buy "Learn Bulgarian in 10 days!" CDs... I'm just gonna lay our dirty laundry out on the table and see what you think in case I have anything that will just make this a no go.
1. My H is once-divorced. SD's mom came along years after the divorce; he never married her.
2. My H, a Gulf War veteran, gets some $$ from the Veterans Admin for "emotional distress suffered in battle", but does not see a shrink/take any meds.
3. I have insulin resistance (such a mild case that it took a few yrs for me to get dx'd), which is similar to type 2 diabetes. I take a medication called metformin (usually used on diabetics) for my condition, and am treated like a diabetic in medical situations. I monitor my weight/food/exercise anal-retentively, and don't have any nasty complications.
Do you see any of this as holding us back?
Also, one thing my H and I personally have to get past before we can adopt is the guilt... we're happy to make a huge diff in the life of some child (we want to adopt a 2-4 yr old) but feel so badly that we can only take 1 or 2... did anyone feel this way, and how did they resolve those feelings?
Another q is this: I know (from my aunt, who is Roma and came to the US as a little girl) that Roma ppl are treated like dirt in Bulgaria. That of course makes us want to request a Roma child, because if we want to adopt someone who needs us, we might as well adopt a child who REALLY needs us. (I'm assuming that a Roma orphan upon reaching age 18 in a Bulgarian orphage would meet a much worse fate than a Caucasian.) Do you think it is possible to request a Roma child, or might we be perceived as weird/dangerous?
And, if they're so racist... my H and I are the same race, but my DSD is biracial. Would that be a problem for the Bulgarian govt?
Thanks for your help! I hope y'all's baby dreams come true. :)
:thanks:
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Hi and welcome to Bulgaria! I will answer your questions as best I know them. If you want more complete answers, send me a PM and I can put you in touch with my agency that will have all the real answers.
1. I would not worry about your health. I have known parents with brittle bone disease that have adopted from Bulgaria. Your issue is mild compared to that.
2. Divorce is OK.
3. Mental stress should also not be an issue. I did not have to do a mental health check for Bulgaria. I read on another forum that someone did have to. I do not know if that was agency specific or not. It was news to me.
4. The only are that I could see you would have a problem is in your length of marriage. There might be a marriage length requirement. That would be a good question for the agency.
5. Most of the children available for adoption in Bulgaria are Roma. You can specifically request Roma. It will not make you seem weird or hurt your adoption.
6. The best thing I can say about the guilt is that now that Bulgaria is opening, a lot of those children will get out. I sometimes feel like I should go back for a 3rd, but I just cannot do it financially or physically. So, instead, I try to pass the word about Bulgaria in hopes of opening up someone elses heart to Bulgaria.
Good luck. I love Bulgaria. The children are beautiful and wonderful.
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