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Well, we got a call from Bug's aunt telling us that his mother is pregnant...again. This is her 3rd and will most certainly be placed in foster care and adopted as the first 2 were. The liklihood that we are the family the new child will be placed with is better than 100% as it is a sib and the family that adopted Bug's sister wanted nothing to do with him from the start. Anyway...when we tell anyone about this and the possibility of having another child, the first thing everyone says is "wouldn't it be nice to have a girl this time?" Honestly, I really don't care, and I LOVE being a mommy to my boys. Being a "boy mommy" is one of the best things in the world! I guess part of my issue is that people are putting so much emphasis on the sex of this child where I am really hurting for all 3 of B-mom's children AND her. She is 24, HIV+, hepC+, and will probably be dead before she is 30 because of the choices she has and continues to make in her life. Already 2 of her kids live in different homes, families, and even states...I don't know if Bug's sister will ever know he exists. Now here is another and her lifestyle has only deteriorated since Bug was born. I just know that my son will never know his b-mom because the damage she has done to her life she will not live long enough. Everyone seems to expect me to be jumping for joy and celebrating...maybe later...I think I have a right to be sad while I digest the ugly facts other people like to pretend are not there.
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I hear all the time, "are you going to try for a girl next time?" Uh, no, I won't specify gender (personal preference, I feel blessed no matter what sex the child is).Ok, excuse my ignorance here. I really don't know as much as I should about HIV+. Are her babies born HIV+? If so, then that just adds one more level of sorrow, kwim?
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She contracted HIV after my son was born. There was a fear that she may have had it before, but we have him tested regularly as a precaution and in almost 3 years he still has no signs...whew! Although, we were told when he was placed with us that no child born into foster care today that tested positive for HIV at birth has continued to carry the disease. They are sent to the university hospital here in OR, SW WA (OHSU) and given a regemin of treatements that that leaves them disease free.
(((hugs))) Bugs. That's the pits. I know what it is like. The possibility of another child isn't the pits, but the process whereby that child arrives is often just heart wrenching.One of our sons' bio mom was HepC+ when our Ds was born, and she lived (lives?) on the streets much of the time. It is so sad; almost as though she never really had a chance. Her mom introduced her to IV drugs in her early teens. So heart breaking. I don't know if she is still living, but know that in all likelihood she will die young. These moms (and dads) are so lost. We do pray for the bio parents of our children. It hurts on so many levels to see others with this level of suffering.
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I had a cousin nick named Bug. It really bothered my grandmother, but my aunt always said, "she is as cute as a bug in a rug." She had severe physical disabilities. She was older than me, but I can remember going and playing with her. She couldn't walk or sit up, so she was either strapped in a wheel chair or laying on the couch. However, she would smile and laugh. I always liked taking her pin wheels. She loved them! She died when she was 13, and I was about 8. So, even though the rhyming did make me smile, remembering my cousin, did, too. :D