Question for Single AParents!

Congratulations on your meeting! I'm very happy for you. You should ask her exactly as you've stated in your message. There is nothing offensive about the question as long as it's asked respectfully. In fact, she will probably be happy to talk about it with you. My daughter was placed with me through foster care so it was a different scenario, but her birthmom also didn't pick me. That was one of the first questions she asked when we met. I was worried about what she would think about me being single, but her biggest concern was that I am selective about men that I am in a relationship with. Her abuse by men while she was growing up led to her issues causing her to not being able to parent. Good luck and enjoy meeting your daughter! Let us know how it goes!

First, CONGRATS!!! Second, I think asking that kind of question is all about in the wording. I know many people ask me. I think, for me, the less offensive I have heard is something like, "So can you tell me a little bit about why you opted to adopt?" I love talking about adopting and being a single mom. Samantha

Thanks! My daughter "technically" was placed through the foster system because I used Safe Haven (which is why I didn't pick her Mother), so it's not TOTALLY different. I'm so glad that this isn't something that will likely upset her Mom. I just figure that she has to answer that question a lot of people and didn't want to sound judge-y.

Thanks! I do like the way you put the question and might very well use it!

As a single Mom of a daughter whom I adopted, I want to thank you for your sensitivity and concern. My daughter is from China, where people usually have to abandon their birth children if they cannot parent, since there is rarely a way to make any other sort of adoption plan. The abandonments are often carefully planned, with family members sometimes hiding and observing, to make sure that the child is found in a timely manner by a policeman or other person who is likely to take him/her to a safe place. I have no information on my daughter's birth family, and search at this point could potentially cause harm to the family and could even cause the Chinese government to shut down adoptions. I hope that, someday, search will be possible, and that my daughter and I will be able to meet her birthparents. I want to thank them for the care they obviously gave their child for the 9 months after birth that they were able to keep her; she is a wonderfully loving and empathic child. And, of course, Becca has many questions about such things as what caused the need for the adoption plan, whether they share her innate love of animals, and so on. Although I suspect, from what little I know, that my daughter's birthparents were married and affected by the one-child policy, I suspect that they will have the same question that you raise. Why did I -- a single woman who was 51 when my daughter was placed into my arms in China -- want to parent? And it is a question I will be happy to answer from the heart. The answer is a simple one -- because, as you said, I wanted to be a Mom, but hadn't found a man to share my life with, following an early divorce. And I have never regretted my decision one bit. My daughter is 12 years old now, and we are having a wonderful time. Sharon