Bypassing foster care - girl of 6

Sally I just want to remind you that we do not allow any type of solicitation on this site. That goes both ways, pb-mom soliciting pap's and pap's soliciting pb-mom's. If anyone contacts you on this site to adopt your child then please inform myself of one of the other moderators immediatly. Thank you. :D

I know there are different agencies that do this, but have you considered just placing your child into care until your life stabilizes? We have friends that work with a group that is a nonprofit foster care agency- they take voluntary placements of children whose parents need a break, or need help. They even take kids for parents in the military who are being sent overseas. A bond between mother and child is strong, and this type of arrangement might help you have some time to think about it first, before doing something final. I heard that the federal gov't allows x amount of money each year for voluntary respite care for birth parents- to help avoid situations involving DCS. Have you thought about something like this, or do you really want to place your child permanently?

I did actually place my daughter with the DSS voluntarily for year and they fostered her with a wonderful family. But she's been back with me for a year and the same issues are still with me and I want to place her permanently with a secure family before it gets too late for her to be adoptable. But one of my main concerns is that she should not be placed with a religious family.

May I ask why that is such a concern?

If the foster family she was with earlier was a good fit, you may want to consider placing her with them, since she already knows them it might be easier on her. If not that, then I encourage you to learn about agencies in your area and what they require of adoptive parents. You'll obviously want to bypass any that require a statement of faith in something you don't agree with, or any that require church attendance at a church you don't agree with, things like that. You can find out most of that information from your yellow pages and a few phone calls. Once you've found agencies that don't require any religious affiliation in their adoptive parents, then that is an agency that you might consider using. Because families without religious affiliation have the same issues that you do- finding the agencies that don't require it. So once you've found some, chances are those are the same ones the families have found. Now, narrowing down those choices to which one might have the most non-affiliated families will be hard. And I'm not sure it can be done. But it might only be one or two agencies at that point, and that's not overwhelming. And of course you'll want to be sure that those agencies are willing to handle the adoption of a 6 year old. There aren't as many families waiting for an older child, so some agencies don't choose to accept them into their programs. And if you have any other requirements, like wanting an open adoption, make sure the agency is able to handle that, too. Good luck.

You may also be able to bypass an agency by searching online profiles of waiting parents. Religion would be stated in the profile I assume.Our dd was placed with us this way. we were waiting with an agency and the bmom started to look at profiles on her own to avoid dd going into fostercare. She found us and we hired an attorney to handle the adoption as our agency didn't handle older children. Bmoms don't need to "be with an agency" to find adoptive parents.I'd consider calling the former foster family before anything else, and looking online at parent profiles, but then I suggest contacting adoption attorneys near your area (not necessarily in your city) to find if they have any non-religious couples they are working with. The age of the child may be a factor initially as most couples look for a baby, but many are also "open" to the options of older children, different race etc. The best way to find a family for your dd is to simply choose the one that "feels like family". Once you realize how many familie there are to choose from you may be overwhelmed. I know our dd's bmom has the same worries regarding dd's "adoptability" and her assumption that there wouldn't be many couples who'd like an older child...and was floored when she saw how many of us (on the site waiting to adopt and open to an older child) there really were. Our was a religious agency, so my specific journey details wouldn't be helpful to you regarding that requirement, but a bmom doesn't have to "join an agency" to find a family for their child....and getting profiles from lawyers is just as easy if not easier.

I'm curious too, was it a particular religion, or religion in general? I don't know of any agencies that deal specifically with non-religious families, off the top of my head. I know there was a big lawsuit not long ago in NJ? NY? can't remember- about agencies only working with certain religions and refusing others. If something happened bad in reference to a particular religion, I'm sure there are agencies that would make sure you didn't get matched with those type families. The only other thing I can suggest would be to look on the Parent Profiles for hopeful adoptive parents who are open to older children, and who have no religious affiliation. I don't know much about that, but it might work?

You might have more luck searching for an adoptive family on your own. There are lots of websites that feature families hoping to adopt. Most of those families choose to adopt independantly with the help of a lawyer instead of using an agency. If you want the links to a few sites please PM me. One site in particular will allow you to look for adoptive families that are not religious. Good luck!

Please email me the links. I am absolutely resolute that I will not have my kid brainwashed into religion.

Loving, caring couple wishing to adopt...have all credentials, a large home, a loving family...etc! Husband has good career & wife stays home!

sally we can help!