Introduction.

Hello. Im not sure what to say, or where to start, but I searched out this community because I feel like I need a little supporrt from people who dont have 'expectations' from me. I found out I am pregnant on october 26th. I had gone to my DR is september because my period was sooo late, and asked him if this was early onset menopause, and he reasured me, and said not to worry. I nevcer got another period after that, so I am not sure if I concieved in september or october. I have an ultrasound on the 4th to figure out the timing. I am 31 years old, and I have 2 children. My 12 year old son has autism, aspergers syndrome, and is the love of my life. (besides my hubby). MY daughter is 10, and smart and funny and beautiful. A long time ago, I knew that my little family was complete. In 1998, I started a surrogacy process, and had a little boy for a great couple. I love them alot. Since then, I did 4 other surrogacies, and I have absolutely no regrets! So, when we found out I was pregnant, we knew right away that abortion was not an option for us. We have spent the last 9 years trying to create little miricles for others, we just couldnt contemplate termination. So.. thats where the trouble began. Should we raise this child? Can we raise this child? There are so many things against us keeping this child.. my husband has been deathly ill since april, and we are still uncertian of the future, I have my autistic son who takes up so much of my energy, and we are living in a house with no water. We started building 3 years ago, and finaly got power in febuary, just havent had the chance to get the well put in yet. How can I raise a newborn in a house without water? those are the issues we had to talk about. At first, my husband was adamant that we keep 'his' child, but after looking at all that is against us, he knows that it is best if we dont raise it. Oce the decision was made to adopt, I contacted all of the parents that I had done a surrogacy for, and only one is considering it. One set said that they would love to adopt, but they are older, the husband is retiring, they are not financialy in the right position, etc. The one who is considering it, keeps saying he isnt sure if he is in a good position with his job, he travels around alot, and he is in another country with his job now, etc. He said he would get back to me this weekend. I am just scared about what I am supposed to do if he says no. What then? How can I just randomly pick a stranger to hand over my child to? How does al of that work anyway? I know surrogacy like the back of my hand, but I have no clues about adoption. I do know, that whatever happens, I will be okay with my decision. I have 5 biological children being raised by their surrogate families, and have never had a regret one. Thanks for letting me ramble, and get that off of my chest. It is so hard to talk to my husband. He is so sick, I hate to make him worry about anything. I havent told any of our family yet. I cant untill I know for sure what is going to happen. Jen