I need advice!

itg10506 - My thoughts go out to your sister, I hope she's getting the counceling and support she needs for both the assault and adoption. I've read that women who are raped and end up pregnant still end up having strong feelings for the child. A year ago I was pregnant and had an adoption plan. (Though, decided to parent.) I also had a 8yr old and a 15yr old. I had a conversation with the 8 yr old on how much work a baby was. I explained how I didn't feel I was financial secure enough to support another child. He asked many questions and along the way. It was suppose to be an open adoption, so he thought it was neat we could still see his brother. I would explain to your children that sometimes babies end up coming at the wrong time in a mother's life. That their aunt feels she should finish school, go to college, etc. before having a child. Then explain why you can't adopt the baby. I've always been straight forward with my kids. They understand alot more than I give them credit for sometimes. Do you think if she weren't assaulted and ended up pregnant, she would keep the baby? Just curious...she's probably very angry about the assault, thus turning towards the growing baby, thus leading to the adoption plan. I had alot of anger towards my unborn son, all left the moment he was born. Again - make sure she is getting the counceling she needs. Thoughts are with you and your sister during this hard time.

As the parent of two 6-year-olds, I can imagine what a difficult conversation that will be to have with your kiddos. In simple terms, maybe explaining that Aunt Susie just isn't ready to be a mommy right now, that she doesn't feel like she can take care of a baby the way he/she needs to be, and that she wants the baby to have a mommy and daddy to love him/her forever and ever. Going on to say how we're sad that the baby won't be living with us and that we'll miss him/her, but that we're glad that Aunt Susie is making the right decision for her. My prayers are with your sister!

You know.. I have seen couple of birth moms who had a baby after an assault. Please tell your sister that ,no matter how the baby is conceived he/she will always be her child. The way she will feel about her baby can change. Please help her also to make a parenting plan. If at the end she chooses adoption it is her choice but I hope that she does not find herself in a situation where she will not be able to change her mind although she wants to .

While I don't have any experience in this matter I would encourage you to share as much as possible with your children about what is happening. As other posters have said, they understand alot more than we give them credit for. Just remember to keep the terms, etc age appropriate and make sure you and your sister are available for the kids to ask questions.

My heart goes out to your sister and you. I am so sorry that this crime has happened and that someone has chosen to hurt her in this horrible way. It must be difficult for you, as her sister, to have this happen to your little sister and to see her feeling such pain from someone's horrible choice. I also am a mother to young children (ages 7, 4, 2). While I have not been in your shoes, I can certainly understand the difficulty you face in trying to find the right words to talk about this. I commend you for making the effort, instead of pushing it under the carpet which would of course be detrimental in the long run. I don't know if you are a religious person, but I am, so if you are not, please adapt the following to however it sounds best to you... If I had to talk about this with my kids, I would want to first talk in very general terms about how normally God gives babies to a husband and wife who love each other and can care for a baby, but that sometimes people can choose to do things that start a baby even when they are not married, do not have the right job, situation etc., to be able to provide for a baby. (The older one especially may ask more questions at this point, and if you're not comfortable answering with the younger one listening, you can say that you can talk about it with him/her at another time.) Obviously, I don't know your kids, but I would want my kids to know that while normally starting a baby is something amazing and a couple wants a baby and chooses and hopes that God will give them a baby, that my sister didn't get to choose this, that someone made the choice for her. (Again, there may be more questions, and I would probably reply something vague like, "someone hurt her, but even though that was very wrong, (God brought) something good out of that hurt---a new little person.") With this kind of background, I think it will make sense to your young children why your sister wants to find another mommy and daddy to care for the baby and that she wants to find just the right people whom she thinks are just what the baby needs to grow and be happy. You could say that she is looking for that perfect family right now with the help of people who know lots of families who want to take care of a baby. If there's a chance she might decide to parent her child, I'd also want to add that she's thinking about whether she might be able to care for the baby herself. I hope this helps. If you are able at some point, I'd like to hear how things are going for you and how your kids are taking all this.