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Hello,
I am an adoptive parent and would just like a birthparents perspective on open adoption. Do you find it more difficult when you recieve pictures of you child at holidays and birthdays? Are the visits really hard or do you live for them, when you see your child growing and all the different milestones they have made?
I know each birthparent is different. I have just been doing some thinking lately and wonder if visits with the birthparents hurt them more or help them. Do birthparents regret their decision when they see how great and beautiful their child is (not that they thought their child wouldn't be perfect :).
I know I don't understand the emotions involved by being a birth parent. I am not trying to be insensitive, I just want some insight.
Thank you
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Of course it is hard to get pictures and stuff, but I wouldn't be happy without them. There is a difference between things being hard and things being unecessary.
Of course visits are hard, what woman really wants to hear her child call another woman mom? But that doesn't mean that I don't want to see him and don't cherish every moment of every visit that I have with him.
Things can be hard, that doesn't mean that you don't want them. Sometimes the hardest things are the ones you need and want the most.
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Well put belle! I think you should just let the bmom decide. If it is too must for her then I am sure she will start cancelling visits. If you send photos put 'photos don't bend' on the outside of the envelope and then bmother can choose to put them away to open another time if she isn't ready. Personally I loved getting photos and updates and my child's parents were great at that. But it is such a unique relationship that I am afraid you will have to navagate the best way you can. Whatever you do don't stop doing things because you feel it is too hard on bmom - let her decide. If she goes home and cries after every visit that is her right and her stuff to deal with and it doesn't mean she doesn't want more visits and photos. I have great respect for my child's parents because they did everything we agreed to and more, but my emotional situation and how adoption has effected my life is my situation to deal with. I do not want them to be burdened with that. But I do think it is great that you are asking questions.
[FONT="Century Gothic"]For me both. I live for pictures and visits.
I want those pictures of her on her birthday and Holidays. for me, I feel better. I enjoy them. Yes visits are hard but on the same hand I feel better. If that makes any sense. The end of the visits are hard and I have to take a few days to come back to myself but I just love to see her and see with my own eyes what I really cannot see in pictures. Pictures are great but they are only a picture, when I see her in person, I get my own memories of us together.[/FONT]