Older Child in family adoption

Can you tell me a little more about how they are using visits as punishment. Also, how did they end up with your uncle in the first place? How old are your kids now?

is it your bad behavior or the childrens? Depending on your open agreement, and if its your bad bahavior, they can stop visit anytime, if they feel its in the best intest of the child. In our case of our open agreement, we had to stop all unsupervised, we were having way to many issues with DD after visits. How often were your visits set up for? And did you have unsupervied visits, or did you just come and visit at their home?

When you relinquished your parental rights and placed your sons with your uncle, he and his wife became their legal parents. Your uncle's wife is now "Mom", and you are their birth mother. It would be different if you had placed them in foster care, but you placed them through adoption. I know that sounds harsh, but you cannot co-parent these children. I see in your user profile that you live in Oregon. It sounds like you have an open adoption, and Oregon is one of the few states in the nation in which open-adoption agreements are legally enforceable. Perhaps you should use mediation services again to resolve your visitation rights. Personally, I don't agree at all with the withholding of visits to punish a child for bad behavior. But I don't know the specifics in your case, so it's hard to advise you on this matter. You need to find a way to open the lines of communication with your uncle and aunt. If they won't talk to you, then look into your legal options as far as enforcing the open-adoption agreement. You might also want to consider getting some type of counseling to help you deal with the grief and anger from relinquishing your sons. I'm glad you realize that trying to legally reverse the adoption would be traumatic for your kids. Your uncle has had them for about 5 years now, right? That's a long time in the eyes of the court. It would be extremely difficult to convince a judge to reverse the TPR after 5 years, and taking your uncle to court would no doubt be extremely traumatic for your entire family.

Ok so long story short, I have Bi-polar and PTSD, my kids have disorders too. The state felt I had more than I could handle. My children and I are very bonded and it was incredibly painful and difficult for all of us. As for the bad behavior it is theirs I am afraid. They have been stealing one took a phone and one took money from their aparents and hid it away. I understand that the behavior must be dealt with. Not allowing me to see them until the 30th when they both had birthdays and of course Christmas I do not believe is the right punishment. I made them a promise to never combine Christmas and their birthdays and I am being forced to break it. My visits are supposed to be a non family function just me, the kids and the aparents if they choose to be there, I do not require supervision although I am glad to have it so that they know that the aparents are in charge not me. They cut my visits back to two a year because of the children acting out after visits ( its hard but I understand). I have given up many chances to be with my family to respect the arrangement. However for the last year and a half I have received only family function visits (5 that I am thankful for, yet...) and they have to stay close to amom and are allowed to talk to me very little. I am allowed to receive one hug when I get there and one when they leave. The situation is challenging I am trying to support the aparents but I can only give so much before I will break.

11 , 9 , 6 and 5 as of this month and the oldest is counting the days until 18I did have to go through the foster system they have been there for 3 years. I signed only because I was told if I didn't they would be placed outside the family and I would not see them. I was also told they needed the assistance that only adoption could offer. I have 4 in total which with my conditions and theirs, was more than I could handle. The youngest are in a guardianship and I see them weekly. Like I said it is a very complicated situation. Also the amom (not my aunt) is not trying to make her own place as mom she is actually trying to make my children not see me as mom at all. She is their REAL mom and my uncle is their REAL dad. She hates my mom and dislikes me. When she says my oldest is just like me its mean. She is a hard woman and I do not care for her but she is their "everyday mom" and I can't do a thing about their treatment (which reminds me of Cinderella). I just want to see the children as children and be allowed to hug them, sit by them and talk with them.

(((bahrc)))I wish I had something to offer here, but I'm afraid that I can only offer you a compassionate ear and a warm heart. Just wanted you to know that I care, I just don't know how to help.(((hugs)))Susan

Have you tried going back to mediation? Maybe "supervised" visits would be better. (Like in an agency that provides them.) That way you could have visits without the adoptive parents, yet still be in a secure place for the children. I canot imagine anyone trying to control the number of hugs someone gives to a child. (Unless there is sexual abuse involved or the children are not comfortable with it.. which does not seem to be the case here.)