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My husband and I have decided to adopt through our local DSS office. We came to this decision after many talks with God asking for his guidance as to if we should persue fertility treatments or adoption. I have battled my flesh for quite sometime on the adoption issue. I thought somehow by adopting a child it would make me "less" of a mother. My heart has always been open to adoption, it's never been "out of the question". During one of my college classes one night (Studies of the New Testament, I go to a Christian college), my professor said something profound to the class. He said you know when God is calling you to do something, you always have the tug on your heart and when you quit trying to negotiate with God and follow his lead it feels like the weight of the world is lifted off of your shoulders. I thought about that comment over the next couple of days as I thought about fertility treatments vs. adoption. The thought of fertility treatments scared me to death, but I still wanted to experiece pregnancy. The more I thought about it, and the more I prayed about it, I felt the tug on my heart for adoption was too strong to be denied. My husband and I talked and decided adoption was where we felt God was leading us. My heart and flesh finally made the connection that I wanted to be a mother, and it didnt matter how God put that child in our life. And as my professor said, "the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders".
With that being said...I'm so anxious (I know the word says to be anxious for nothing...I'm a work in progress!). We have received our paper work from our local DSS office. I have to get some information together to send to them birth certificates, drivers licences, W-2's etc,,. I know this process is not going to be smooth sailing, I know there will be bumps in the road, but I would really like to know what to expect, questions I should be asking, things I should be looking for. We have decided to adopt from an age range of infant to 5 years old. Thats a pretty wide range of ages so I dont know what to do to prepare. We have let very few friends and family know of our plans just in case our home study is not approved ( I dont know why it wouldnt be, but you never know). So I feel like I am hiding a great secret.
So basically...ANY advice, suggestions or personal experiences to educate my husband and I would be most appreciated.
Thanks for your time and God bless!!!
Amanda from Charleston, SC
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Hi Amanda! Welcome to the forums. We have a few forums here that might be able to answer your questions real well. One is [URL="http://forums.adoption.com/adopting-older-child/"]Adopting the Older Child[/URL] and one is [URL="http://forums.adoption.com/attachment-bonding/"]Attachment & Bonding[/URL]. These might be good resources for someone considering adopting an older child.Browse around the different forums and feel free to ask questions any time!
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Adoption is not the least bit unnatural. Moses was adopted, Ruth gave Naomi her child to adopt, Jesus was adopted by Joseph... the list goes on.I have adopte from foster care, have had two children that were a pre-adoptive placement that moved from our home (long ugly story) and now have a little girl who was adopted from foster care, the adoption is dissolving and she has been with us for a year.Read my blog. I am brutally honest about life with an older adopted child. Mind you I am very much pro-adoption, but I want parents to have the facts. The link to my blog is in my signature.Do lots of reading on attachment disorder. Check out [url=http://www.radzebra.org]Welcome to Attachment & Trauma Network - ATN[/url] and read Nancy's blog at [url=http://attachment-disorder.adoptionblogs.com/]Reactive Attachment Disorder Blog[/url] Also check out Nancy Thomas at [url=http://www.attachment.org]Attachment Disorder help from Attachment.org - Nancy Thomas Parenting[/url] Attachment issues are going to be one of the biggest things that you deal with. These kids have been hurt physically, emotionally and spiritually.When we did our first adoption we had HUGE rose colored glasses and thought that time and consistency would help our son heal. While those are important, they only scratched the surface of what he needed. A therapist who specializes is trauma and/or attachment will be crucial.God won't steer you wrong. There are so many kids who need families. In the US and in other countries. We struggled with the fertility issues too. They are expensive, and they are hard on your body. We only did one round of the shots and that was enough to say we weren't doing any more. Of course money was a factor too.Bajj's verse of Phillipians 4:13 says it all.."I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me." Trust in Him and you'll be fine.Feel free to PM me with any questions.
Hey lilienam--I'm also in SC.
I don't really have any advice, since I'm currently waiting for a placement. My homestudy was approved back in August and I'm just waiting on the phone call. I've inquired about children online, but no response yet. I haven't told many people myself..just my immediate family and close friends who were my references.
Just remain positive and patient, and good things will come!
Good luck!!
We didn't adopt through DSS so I just have some general advice.Remember to breath. Even when it hurts, even when you're excited or depressed, no matter what. Keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other. You'll always get to your destination that way.There'll be days when you want to give up just like there'll be days when it seems like your child is inches away from your fingertips. Know that no matter which day you're having, it really will happen, you really WILL be a mom and it really IS worth it.Oh, and when you absolutely can't stand the waiting, remember we're all here and we've all been there.
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My advice is not to sit back and just wait for the social worker to find you a child/children. You will need to be actively searching. We have found not many states want to do interstate adoptions due to the paperwork, so look within your own state. There are plenty of sites online to search. You can also talk to your worker on a monthly basis to see the newest children listed that are not going to be photo listed.
Also be reading about attachment disorder. One of our favorite books is Beyond Consequences by Dr. Post and Heather Forbes. Check out their website [url=http://www.beyondconsequences.com]Beyond Consequences Institute[/url] to learn more. Education is the key in adopting older children. It really is the key to adoption of any child.
Good luck.
I adopted privately but have several friends that have been with dss. We considered it and their advice to me was know your limits. You will get calls for foster to adopt childrenwhere there may be 5 or 6 of them. If you can not do it, tell them so. They WILL call back. Some people are meant to handle different situations than others.
As for not telling friends and family. I have to share with you that we had not seriously considered adoption when a situation just kinda came straight from God's hands to ours. We found out 5 days before our dauther was going to be born and then there was 6 days before the parents signed their rights and another 10 days they could change their mind, so we basically brought our dauther home and "hid" out for three weeks. Since it was such a quick unexpected situation, we didn't want to deal with our friends getting their hopes up for us and the bio parents changing there minds. Also when we told a select few family members they thought we had lost our minds and we didn't need any more stress so we just didn't announce her until she was ours. What a wonderful feeling to stand up in front of our church and make such an announcement and watch the tears and cheers. Good luck
I am a pre-adoptive parent waiting for the paperwork and courtdate to adopt my son through foster care. i have to agree with zebramom. attachment is so so important. and it's the number one thing to read up on and get yourself familiar with. even at age one, as our son came to us, there were attachment difficulties that affected every aspect of his development. but since starting attachment parenting he has grown a great deal. i have probably posted this on every forum thread but [url=http://www.a4everfamily.org]A4everFamily.org - HOME[/url] is a great website to check out.it is a very hard road but so worthwhile to know you are following God's plan. i am positive God approves wholeheartedly with adoption. Jesus was always hanging out with the broken and forgotten. i sometimes wonder if Jesus was alive now, would he be a foster parent? since we started this road, the people in my church have been so supportive. we even have a friend of ours starting the class to adopt through foster care as well! this process of building your family will create waves (hopefully positive) in your community. usually, people rally around you and your new child. we had two showers thrown for us after we got our son. and church members brought us dinners for 2 weeks.if you have more specific questions, i would be happy to answer the best i can. i am very excited for you and your decision. i think you will find happiness in following God in this way. good luck.
Hello my name is Julie and I am the adoptive mom to 2 beautiful Guatemalan blessings my daughter will be 4 in February and my son just turned 2 in December (he has the same birthday as my husband--I won't bore you with that story). We had a very long road till God told us where our family would come from. Please feel free to pm me anytime. It is hard to put it into words it was just something that sort of we knew when the time came but going through the process well to say it tested our faith over and made us realize how much we needed to increase our dependence on God well I could right a book you said it right in the beginning we are all a work in progress all going to where we need to go. Good luck and I will be praying for you Julie in PA (proud mom to a princess and a prince)
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