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Hi all! Anabel is 20 months and is becoming a real pacifier addict. She uses it to sleep, but then she also uses it when she's upset or angry during the day to help her self-sooth. After she has a tantrum, when she starts to calm down often she'll ask for her "ba-ba" (her word for her pacifier). Sometimes she also just decides she wants it for the hell of it. Once she has it (or when she knows it's around and has her mind set on it) she will scream like crazy if you try to take if from her - you have to wait till she decides to put it down herself, which can take anything from 10 minutes to an hour! She also has a blankie as a comfort item, which we are fine with, but unfortunately she now associates the blankie with the pacifier, and when she has the blankie she immediately wants "ba-ba" as well. She has always been a very "mouthy" child with a strong sucking instinct. (Interestingly, she DOESN'T use the pacifier at day care at all, even for naps. So we know she can live without it.) We are ready to make the plunge, but we are extremely nervous. She is a very strong-willed, active child who has entered a screamy and tantrumy phases, especially around clothing changes. I am anticipating potentially several weeks of hell for all involved - though I hope I'm overreacting. But we both feel like it should be done soon. She is in speech therapy, and we've been told it's not good for her mouth muscles. Plus she still uses those infant pacis that are really not good for your teeth (that's what she was using when she came home at 8 months, and we didn't want to change what she was used to as we went through the attachment process). So, now that I've babbled - can people share their experiences? Did you go cold turkey, and how did that work? Did you put a little hole in the paci? Did you give them to the paci-fairy? How old was your child and how long did it take? Did they immediately start sucking their thumb (one of my other worries)? What advice can you give a nervous mom? Thanks!!
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[FONT=Comic Sans MS]I would not try to wean her yet...it sounds like she NEEDS it rather than it just being a habit...huge difference in my opinion. Especially because you mention a strong sucking instinct. [/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]My DS still has his at age 4...yup at age 4 he still needs it occassionally. He is severely speech imapired as well...but he only has it in his mouth for maybe an hour a day at this point so the bink has nothing to do with that. [/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]My DS immediately stuck his thumb in his mouth when we tried taking it away...much worse in my opinion. My 6.5 year old DD still sucks her thumb/finger when sleepy and I can not control that at all...a bink I can. Has your daughter been evaluated for oral sensory issues? I ask because my DS is a 'sucker' as well and he has oral sensory issues. [/FONT][FONT=Comic Sans MS][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS]If you really think you are going to have weeks of heck...maybe now is not the time...why put her through it? I will speak from experience...we tried everything with DS and all it did was make his and our lives he$%...it set back his attachment as well. And in the end we ended up realizing that he NEEDED his 'that'...so in the scheme of life we decided it really was not a big deal. (We also had his teeth checked by a pedi dentist and his teeth are minimully impacted.) [/FONT]
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H is 27 months, still uses his at night and on occasion during the day. He usually asks for it if it's quiet time, doesn't care about it at all if he's engaged in playing. I'm not inclined to take it from him right now, as he's pretty verbal and teeth are in good shape. However, we have been putting bink and blanky "night night" in the morning when it's time to go down to breakfast.
I'm sure I won't be much help, but maybe it will ease your mind. I originally didn't want DD (now 21 months) to have a paci, but they gave it to her in the hospital and it stuck (besides, I didn't feel I had a right to say anything at that point) - one good point, though, was that it was the kind thats not supposed to mess up their teeth/mouth development. However, once we got her home (she was about 6 days old), we only gave it to her when she was going to sleep (as she got older we'd give it to her as needed when we needed her to be quiet - doctor's, meetings, etc.). So, for DD, she mostly had it just when sleeping. As she got older she'd try to get us to give it to her (and if she could reach it, you'd better believe she got it and used it), but we'd always just tell her she was a big girl and only needed it to sleep (gently taking it away as needed). At one point, around 10 months, I think, we tried to wean her (I had fears of her being older and still having a pacifier!) but she wasn't ready and DH convinced me she'd be okay and to wait. So, we continued giving it to her to sleep. At about 18-19 months, though, she just self-weaned! DH had thought for a while that she really just played with it but didn't use it to sleep, then one night she wasn't going to sleep and he went to check on her and discovered she'd bit the tip off the paci. We took it away (didn't have another to replace it), she went to sleep, and we've never looked back (well, DD probably has from time to time, but it hasn't bothered her much).So, from my experience I'm very much leaning towards the idea of kids doing it themselves. Thats not say they have to self-wean (like we got lucky with), but I do think they should be involved (through self-weaning or if you have them "give" the pacifiers away like with leaving them for the paci-fairy, throwing away, or "giving" them to a new baby). So, if your set on getting rid of them, I'd definately involve your daughter and let it seem to be her decision to do it.I think HBV has a good idea, too, and have your daughter put it to bed when she gets up in the morning (maybe somewhere where she won't see it during the day). My mom started that with my DD's crayons so DD doesn't have a breakdown when its time to put the crayons away.
We haven't had paci's, just bottles. :rolleyes: From my experiences with attempting to wean from the bottle (and we're talking older toddlers here; 2, 3 and 4 years of age) we had to work with each child individually. I have one who was still using a bottle just before their 4th birthday...we were so pleased to get him weaned AND potty trained by age 4. He just wasn't ready earlier. Currently I have a 3 year old who still gets a bottle at nap and bed times. (Yeah, yeah, I've heard it ALL from everyone and their great granny.) Anyway, we tried to cut back several months ago, just before his 3rd birthday. No go. Our life turned into something from Dante's Inferno. Seriously. So we let him keep on sucking away. Now we've been able to get it to just nap and bedtime and we're pleased with the progress. So I'd say...attempt to limit it but don't drive yourselves crazy over it. We still remind our 3 yo that he only gets his bottle at nap and bed...if he wants it more he has to go to bed because that's when he gets his bottle. He can have a sippy or a cup anytime, but bottle is for bed time ONLY. He'll fuss sometimes for a couple of minutes, but then come back and say he wants a cup or a sippy. When we tried to forcibly take away the bottle before he'd tantrum and scream for most of the day, over everything. It just wasn't time to make that a big issue. And no, he didn't quit tantrumming and screaming after a couple of days like EVERYONE said he would. I'm not a weenie, I just couldn't stand the chaos that not letting him have a bottle was creating for the 6 other family members. One grandmother in her 80's told me that it just isn't as big a deal as it seems at the time. They had friends who had a 5 yo who finally was able to say goodbye to his bottle and they all were supportive and happy for the little boy's decision when he finally made it. That made me feel so much better! You know how bad it gets when all the other mothers start in about how 'advanced' their children are, how 'bright' and 'intelligent', etc. It was so hard to smile and say that was really nice for them without defending my child's apparant lack of intelligence for not being potty trained/weaned/whatever by age 3.5. LOL I just remember the 80-something year old grandma and smile.
My MIL is a dental hygenist and was on my BUTT about weaning Nick from his binkie.And so we did it. Well, twice. We gave it back to him after a successful wean (dumb) for a long road trip and then he got a cold while there so he had it for another month or two.Our final, successful attempt was a long day full of crying and cuddling (on all parts) and a hard bedtime... and then he didn't ask for it the next morning. And that was that.THAT said, I found THREE binkies in my winter coat pockets when they came out just a few weeks ago... about a year later! LOL. Good times.
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two ideas:
1. frozen bagel, sometimes it's teeth and gum pain
2. let her cry for 5 minutes, then 7, then 10 and ignore her. Lengthen times in between and she'll wean from it.
Get earplugs and let her get positive eye contact and reinforcement from you when she is doing good things.
i recall my two year old tossing his pacifier out the window while I was driving a real estate client. I pulled over and retrieved it, washed it off and my client told me he had 5 kids, if I kept giving in every time Alex schreeched, I could expect a lifetime of manipulation. The fact that she doesn't use it at day care tells you she's ready.
But, he also said, listen for the difference in tone in his crying to differentiate when he really needs me. I'll never forget it and pass on this tidbit that weaned him from the pacifier and kept me sane during toddler years.