When do kids find out someone wants to adopt them?

All of ours knew fairly early. All of them happened in the eighties though. Things may have changed since then.We first adopted two from Korea at ages four and six. We sent photos and other info to the kids about six months before placement was expected. The foster parents in Korea and their Korean worker helped explain to the kids that we were their new family and what would happen when it was time for the placement. Our third child came from Brazil at age 11 and the procedure was pretty much the same. A missionary handled that one and explained to our daughter about being adopted, who we were, and what would happen.The last five, ages 6-12, came from another state and we sent pictures and maybe a VCR tape to help the kids get to know us a little. They had a good understanding of adoption and had been in foster care for years. Their caseworker helped them get used to the idea. The foster parents did not want to lose the money they were getting, so did their best to sabotage the placement before it even started. But that's another story. Through all of our placements, everyone involved was open about the fact the kids were going to be adopted, before they were actually placed. Due to their varying ages, it's hard to know how much of it they really understood at the time, but IMO it was helpful for them to know our family was supposed to be their last big move, and we would, in theory, be their final set of parents.

We adopted a family of 4 sibs, and also had to wait for ICPC to complete due to being an out-of-state adoption. We were selected by the caseworkers on Aug 4th, 2001, but the kids could not be told WHO was selected until ICPC completion, which took until end of Nov 2001 - this was a LOOOOONG 4 months for us and the kids. All the kids were allowed to know during this 4 months was that they interveiwed 7 families but were waiting on paperwork that had to be done before they could tell them anything about it - that was it. Once ICPC was completed, they gave the kids the photo album & info we had dropped off back in August, and we got to meet them at the end of that week (by now, Dec 2nd!). We drove out every weekend for 6 weeks (6 hour drive each way) to see them prior to placement (and a 6-week placement after first meeting was considered fast in this state). The adoption was finalized a year later.

DFCS told the foster parents of our kids about a week before we met the kids. The FPs were not supposed to tell them but the day we met them they started calling us their new mom and dad so someone spilled the beans. As far as when they will move in really depends on quite a few things like the time of year (they would want to wait until a break in school) or waiting on TPR to be granted. In our case we were matched in Jan just a few days before TPR was granted, then the parents filed an appeal and then they made a last ditch effort to find family to take all of them even though they had been in care for over 5 years w/o anyone qualifying. We ended up not meeting the kids until May and they moved in in June for an extended visit (over a month long visit where they didn't have to pay anyone a per diem cause it was just a visit) and were formally placed in July.

When do you first meet the kids? I thought you would meet them before you made a firm decision to adopt. What if you finally meet them and personalities just don't mesh?

We submitted a homestudy and were chosen. Actually the first family they chose turned them down! We then received the de-identified records (and discovered probably WHY the first family changed their mind). Our kids looked HORRIBLE on paper. I told my husband no way - no how, but he convinced me to talk to the foster parents for them. The foster parents assured us they had made huge strides in foster care. We drove from Texas to Nebraska to meet them. After a 3 day weekend spent with them (they visited with us almost all day each day), we decided that we wanted to proceed with the adoption. I'm not sure what the kids were told. They're older so must have known that we were interested in adopting them. We talked to them every week, but weren't allowed to say we wanted to adopt them while we waited for the ICPC paperwork to be complete. (We hinted like crazy though so they wouldn't feel rejected). Three months later we went to pick them up. No visits. Probably not the best way to do it, but everyone was going crazy with the waiting, and we couldn't imagine putting our daughter (at the time with unmedicated severe ADHD) through the torture of traveling back and forth. One year later and we still haven't finalized the adoptions, but that's more due to adoption subsidy and post adoption services issues now. Marymom to D(14 and his sister C(12) - we are hoping to finalize soon! and bio kids T(8) and K(11)"We may not have it all together, but together we have it all!"

We're going through DHS in Oregon and DH and I were told that we couldn't meet the kids until we were selected for the adoption and we'd be meeting them because we'd be taking them home. Maybe have it wrong? I'd love to meet the kids and talk to them on the phone before taking them home with us.

We're trying to adopt our daughters biological sibling and are waiting on the ICPC to go thru (we're already licensed foster/adoptive parents in our state).. We have not been allowed to meet or have any contact with her sister and are told we won't get that opportunity until ICPC is approved.. I always thought that was kinda backwards, you'd think that the adoptive parents should have the info in front of them to make a choice before going thru the whole ICPC mess.. Not that we'd back out anyway but still! LOL!

If I am understanding our place in the process correctly :) we have been matched and selected. We are waiting on the kids "package". After we read that and approve, we fly to meet them 2x before bringing them home. I am not sure where the ICPC falls into that senario. It is April now; told we would have the kids info end April/early May and would then make travel arrangements for June.

We found out that we were matched in early Feb. and still haven't even started the ICPC. Very long and frustrating. No, the kids don't even know that we exist, for fear that something will still fall through. It's very hard. Evidentally it was a lot more paperwork because our social worker didn't have a "contract" on file with the state of TX. I was told today that the ICPC will be sent out by end of the week hopefully. But I've been told that before. I'd count on 6 months for an out of state adoption, and then be pleasantly suprised if it's shorter. Don't know how long of a wait we have from here. I've heard 7-10 business days and i've heard 1-2 months. I'll be glad when it's all over...for more reasons than one! Bio children: g-7 b-3 g-1 Adopting siblings g-11 g-10 b-8 g-6 b-4 soon to be mom of 8!! Can't wait!! :)

Our agency doesn't have a contract on file with TX either and they won't either. They said that TX's requirements are crazy. Is your worker willing to go to contract with Texas? If so, would you mind sending me their info so I can see if they will help me as well? My agency said that other agencies might be reluctant to do the post-placements as they didn't do my homestudy. Why did they not tell me that when we contracted with them to do our homestudy? Arrrgggghhhhh. Who is thinking about the kids??????????????

As I said in a previous reply to your post, yes, our worker has signed the contract. We are using homestudy services of North Carolina. Small company, and she is really,really nice. It's worth a shot calling her... she took us under odd circumstances as well. Have you heard anything on how long the ICPC takes? I've heard anywhere from 7-10 business days to 1-2 months. I'm hoping the lesser!

I think each state is different. We are in an ICPC right now the CW says it will be out end of week, and that we should expect the kids to come home sometime in June. We saw them for the first time last weekend and go again Memorial weekend. I am sorry it is going so slowly for you. I have heard Texas is slow as there is just such high volume?

We were chaosen for a sib group of 4 in Texas about 3 weeks ago. Have recieved all their profiles and family files.* Their worker told me it will take anywhere from 6 weeks to a couple of months for ICPC to go through. Then we will go for a meeting and next she will fly kids to us and our agency will do post placement visits for Texas. We are in Arkansas. We are with a private agency and Adopt America who has been the biggest help.

We are tentatively matched with a set of sisters ages 7 and 8 through L.A. county. Our SW and the CSW have a meeting scheduled with a supervisor to approve the match on Thursday. Our SW is confident that it will be approved and said we should expect to have a pre-placement meeting next week. We were told that the number of visits prior to moving in would be on a case by case basis. We met the children once at an adoption fair, so I am hoping that the process will go quickly. If we are not allowed to say that we will be adopting them, what on earth do we say if they ask?

We're still in the middle of the ICPC process to get our adopted daughter's biological sibling from TX.. Our ICPC homestudy just got back to our home county today and it's now just a matter of getting it sent back thru the system :) I did talk to our state ICPC office & they are perfectly willing to accept (and send) via fax/email! It was even his suggestion at hurrying things along-- why no one told me this earlier or just did it on their own I have no clue.. We were really hoping to have her here by now but I guess I'll just hold out hope she gets here before school starts & be happy if it's sooner :)