Is it ruff adopting teen???

I got my daughter at age 9 and my son at age 12. I was their first placement, so they came fresh from the neglect with all kinds of behavioral issues. The teens in the photolistings will have been in therapy, and have hopefully lived in an appropriate foster home and learned some better behaviors. However, it completely depends on the teen. What you need to find out: 1) do they want to be adopted? 2) do they have a history of running? 3) how do they deal with loss and/or anger? 4) what behavioral issues do they struggle with? As to your question about how long it takes to bond-I would say 6 months to a year at that age. If they share similar personality traits as your family, the bond will come quicker. For example, we all joke a lot and are loud, so are my kids, but I had an 11 yr old that was very quiet and she never quite felt comfortable. Hope this helps

We are in the midst of adopting a 15 you and her 11 yo sister. Yes, it's hard. We are their second placement so the first family got all the really tough stuff: Teaching the personal hygiene, how to eat properly, how to care of things, how to not be afraid of strangers, etc. They came to us hungry to be adopted. They brought their bad attitudes, sassy mouths, sneaky ways, and dishonesty. Some days....I want to scream. So, that's the ugly side of adopting teens, but there's the good side too! They WANT to be part of a family (even if they don't show it!). They know you WANTED them! Teens will push the limits, but it's because they want to see if you care enough to stop them from being dumb. One other thought: they are house trained...for the most part :happydance: When our 15yo first came to live with us, she never wanted us to attend her track meets or school functions. Now, it's the end of the world if someone can't make it. What a change a year brings. Good luck with your journey. It's not for the faint of heart, but it's worth it!

We adopted teen sisters who had spent time in several foster homes and a group home. They had a rough time of it and wanted into a permanent home badly. For them, the foster homes were worse than their birth family home, and the group home wasn't a home at all. So they carried a lot of resentment for the system, as well as for the trauma they suffered. Coming from neglect, they were under-educated, mouthy, rude, needy, loud, demanding, disrespectful and totally un-appreciative. And except for the under-educated part, not entirely different from our biological teens. ;) And we just couldn't help but fall in love with them. This first year has been one of personal and emotional transformation for these two girls. They are part of a family, not 'the foster kid in the back bedroom' as they describe themselves. They still marvel at a refirgerator that has food in it every single day. They both had their very first sleepovers with friends. And as parents we get to witness all their new beginnings and little triumphs. But to get here, we had to be honest with ourselves and our caseworker in what we were capable of as parents, and what we would accept as a placement. We were not cut out to be therapeutic foster / adopt parents or handle a severe physical or emotional handicap. But we did have experience raising our own teens, working with Scouts and teaching special ed. So our placement matched our capabilities, experience and expectations very well.

In answering the question, "is it too late to bond with them," I can say emphatically "NO!", at least in our case. Neglected, hurt children are hungry for love & care, even though their way of showing it can be extremely trying and painful. It's just their way of showing their pain. They are hungry to bond with someone who truly loves them. The problem is they are terrified to even consider opening themselves up. The key is unrelenting stubbornness on the part of the parents, the insight & wisdom to recognize they are the ones in pain and sheer will to prove yourself over and over and over again until you finally peel back just a corner of their heart and sneak in. The guard will come down. It just takes a lot of time & patience. The reward is great.

Thanks so much for everones input! I continue to look for my girl, looking at 15 to 17 age. Thanks again everyone. I know if I find her I will need more advice as we go through the journey ahead of us with her so I will lok to you all. This forum has been a God send for me, there is always someone who has already been were I am and is more than willing to reach out and give me the advice and support I need.

Our FD came to us at age 12 and she is now 13. She was in one foster home before us but they had 2 young foster kids they wanted to adopt so our FD basically got ignored and her needs were not being met (they would cancel her therapy appts and not let her be involved in activities). She came to us wanting a family and people to want her and love her. We are going to adopt her in August and she is thrilled. We have had struggles along the way but with her it is more her lack of social skills that have been the most challenging. She has been with us a year and she has never been defiant with us nor has she ever had a tantrum nor has she ever told us no. There can be challenges with kids of any age so ask questions and do what uou feel is right for you and your family! Personally we always said we wanted an older child. Good luck and keep us posted!

This is my answer to your question, NO. as long you show interest to them. Ask them how they feel, what is going on in their world, simple question will tighten your bond. They may not answer, or they will be reluctant, but show that you are interested. Good luck to you my friend! :love: