Your advice, please! <long>

Hello all, I thought that I'd approach you with this question, given your insight as birthparents who have been through the adoptive process. Briefly (because it is a loooong story), my spouse and I are matched with a wonderful emom who is due in a few weeks. We get on fabulously with her and her parents, and our family will be at the delivery. I posted previously in a different thread before we matched a month ago, about a potential situation that we had been considering. The emom is employed at my workplace, and I see her maybe once a week. She is married but her husband is incarcerated, and she has 5 children with him, and is struggling mightily to take care of them. She became involved with a married man, and became pregnant (the man is also of a different race to that of her husband, so there is no way she can hide the fact that she had an affair, as she always expresses that she wishes she could do). She is also a lay pastor in her church. We began talking, and I found out that she was hoping to make an adoption plan for the baby. I told her that we were very interested, and she was very happy that she had found a couple that she knew and liked to adopt her child. The bdad does not wish to leave his wife, and does not wish to sign TPR, however. He wants her to keep the child, and says that he will help her care for him (it's a boy). My spouse and I decided, after several roller coaster weeks, to take a back seat - if the bdad was not going to sign, we would not be able to adopt the baby. We kept in touch with the emom, mainly to support her (and I still see her at work). I am currently away for work, and on the day I was to leave last week got a message from her inviting us to her baby shower (she is about 35 weeks). I called back and told her that I was about to go away for 2 weeks, and could not make it. She told me that she had been thinking a lot lately about us and her baby, and had something serious that she wanted to discuss with me. I have no idea if the bdad changed his mind (which I doubt, but who knows). Here's my question: What do we do now?? We are completely committed to the emom we have matched with. We feel that we cannot bring this possibility to her attention as it just would not be fair to her; she has chosen us to parent her child (a girl). But there's then there is the other child...what if the bdad really did change his mind and will sign now? Both babies are due around the same time! I apologize for rambling, but any thoughts would be appreciated. I expect that you might say that you would not appreciate such a situation being sprung on you as an emom, and we concur. But shall we just let the first situation pass us by, when there is a chance of having two children, which we, like anyone, would certainly welcome? Thank you for your time. I really respect your opinions in this matter.