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She's nine months today!
I didn't think it would affect me this much.
And of course, one of the two guys listed as my daughter's possible father decided to contact me today after seven months of peace. This one signed papers and married another gal the next day, who was pregnant with their child, without telling my attorney or myself he was getting married. His little girl is now five months. He hates his wife. I don't want to know those things and I don't want him to confide in me - it's so far from appropriate.
The other savory character contacted me a month ago and accused me of interfering with his ability to have a relationship with my daughter. True, the adoption was carried out as part of a means to keep him from becoming my daughter's parent. But never have I told her parents that I do not wish for her to have a relationship with him. They asked me what I thought, and I specifically said it was their decision, she is their child and that's their right and decision to make. For my part, I want nothing to do with him because he spews obscenities at me and demeans me and blames me for his wreck of a life. They said he didn't seem to be stable at all and if he was, it would be quite a different matter. They even said that if he at some point becomes stable they would reconsider contact.
Both of these guys I have wanted nothing to do with and still want nothing to do with. I wish them both the best, but I'm happier without either of them in my life.
As she's gotten older she looks like the latter. She has his pointy chin - his birthmother's chin.
She's so amazing. The last time I saw her was early December. She was standing at one of those ridiculous noisy light up tables that babies love so much when I walked in and she tried to see over the couch to see who I was. She ate baby food and I gave her a bottle. She eats so much!!! They gave her a bath and she tried climbing out of the tub several times. Haha. :) She kept turning around to put her hand under the running water behind her - she liked that. She was all smiles and coos and funny noises. It's amazing to watch her. It's hard associating the little tiny helpless dependent child being the same one who got into my purse when we weren't looking for a second!
I am so blessed! Today is hard, but I know that she is so loved and they cannot imagine life without her. She is such a blessing.
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Krystal, I had a HARD time with nine months. I posted about it somewhere on here in fact. That was about five months ago for me.
I can only imagine how I would have felt had I been contacted by bdad at that time. I just heard yesterday that DD's Mom has decided to put off contact with bdad until DD is at least 5 years old, and I would be lying if I said it was anything other than a relief.
I really feel you when you say that you want nothing to do with the possible bdads. I don't want anything to do with my DD's either.
I'm so glad you've gotten to share moments like bathing Finleigh and feeding her. Open adoption certainly does bring it's own set of joys and hurts that I never imagined existing until I entered into one with my DD.
Know that you are not alone in your feelings at this 9 month mark...and if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to PM me.
Best to you :flowergirl:
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What is wrong with you bmoms? The bdad has rights too. It takes 2 ppl to make a baby therefore it should be 2 ppl making the decisions about the children. As an amom through step parent adoption it just makes me sick that anyone would try to take a man's child from them. My son's bmom tried to do the same thing to my husband and I, but what she didn't think about is that as the amom I have the right to never let her see my son (which I am fully taking advantage of, she will never see my son again). How would you feel if your child's aparents decided to not let you see your bchild? I just don't understand women like you.
I think you need to take a step back for a second and listen to what we said.
Yes, it would have been hard if Cupcake's bfather contacted me. Why? Because I went through pregnancy, labor, and delivery alone. Because I was told by him that I had to get an abortion, to "take care of it." Because he was not a good person. I'm sorry if that's hard for you to understand, you're speaking from your experiences and we're speaking from ours.
You have no idea why I was relieved that my DD's bfather wouldn't be in her life for a few years. None. Having said that, just because I want nothing to do with Cupcake's Dad doesn't mean I would stand in the way of their relationship. It's just not a relationship that I need to be a part of.
As for your sons adoption and his firstmother, you do have the right to never let her see your son. Is that what you want for your son though? What if he wants to see her? Then what do you do? How do you explain to him that you proudly stood in the way? This is supposed to be about putting the child first. Not about exercising your right to punish someone.
ashleybear88
What is wrong with you bmoms? The bdad has rights too. It takes 2 ppl to make a baby therefore it should be 2 ppl making the decisions about the children. As an amom through step parent adoption it just makes me sick that anyone would try to take a man's child from them. My son's bmom tried to do the same thing to my husband and I, but what she didn't think about is that as the amom I have the right to never let her see my son (which I am fully taking advantage of, she will never see my son again). How would you feel if your child's aparents decided to not let you see your bchild? I just don't understand women like you.
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While I can understand your basic point, my situation leads me to disagree with you.
It would make me feel so much better if Z never wanted anything to do with his bfather. He made our lives a living hell for my entire pregnancy and even for a few weeks after. I only dated him for a month and broke up with him when I realized how mentally unstable he is. He tried to create a contact agreement that would have set Z up for a horribly confusing life of dealing with this unstable person.
Z's aparents have told me that they will NEVER tell Z that his bfather didn't love him, but they know he would not be a good influence in Z's life. None of us will ever deny Z an opportunity to know his bfather, but we certainly aren't going to act like it would be a trip to Disneyland!
It's been said a million times, no two situations are the same and not every bfather can be dealt with the same. You cannot begrudge people their own experiences.
ashleybear88
What is wrong with you bmoms? The bdad has rights too. It takes 2 ppl to make a baby therefore it should be 2 ppl making the decisions about the children. As an amom through step parent adoption it just makes me sick that anyone would try to take a man's child from them. My son's bmom tried to do the same thing to my husband and I, but what she didn't think about is that as the amom I have the right to never let her see my son (which I am fully taking advantage of, she will never see my son again). How would you feel if your child's aparents decided to not let you see your bchild? I just don't understand women like you.
ashleybear88
What is wrong with you bmoms? The bdad has rights too. It takes 2 ppl to make a baby therefore it should be 2 ppl making the decisions about the children. As an amom through step parent adoption it just makes me sick that anyone would try to take a man's child from them. My son's bmom tried to do the same thing to my husband and I, but what she didn't think about is that as the amom I have the right to never let her see my son (which I am fully taking advantage of, she will never see my son again). How would you feel if your child's aparents decided to not let you see your bchild? I just don't understand women like you.
ok, so looking back i was a bit harsha and should not have made a generalization for every birthmom. to anyone i offended i apologise. after the situation that my husband and i went through to get J home it just makes me angry that some bmoms just try to make all the decisions regarding the children without consent from the bfather.
my husband's ex waited until she was 8 months along (we had married a month before and yes we asked if there was any possibility of her being pregnant; she said no) to say she was expecting. i was already pregnant (the children are 7 months apart). she allowed J to be placed with a family and we didn't get to meet J until he was 9 months old. the agency she went through know my husband wouldn't give up his child because we told them this repeatedly. in the end we went through tons of court, thousands of dollars, a home study, and millions of visits with J later to get him back. his bmom didn't want him at all, but she didn't want us to have him. she was offered by my husband and i visits and letters but she doesn't want them, and that's why i will not let her see him ever. she put him in a situation where he was taken from his potential adoptive parents (it broke their heart, my heart ached for their bson who is 6) and my husband was denied access to him and she never told the AP's that my husband wanted him.
again i do apologise to all bmoms i offended.
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Ashley that sounds like a very tough situation. Really unfair. You must love your husband very much!
You can be a better person though...really. Don't perpetuate the hate. It will probably bite you in the butt eventually. These things just do.
I sincerely hope you and your DH find peace in this very difficult situation.
Ashley - I thank you for coming back and apologizing. I can't imagine all you've been through, you have a right to be bitter at your son's bmom. That's the thing though that's hard to do - not paint all bmoms (in this example) with the same brush because of your experience.
I'm glad you are here and hope you will find the support you are looking for.