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Hi! I've been reading the different forum categories here for months but have never posted. I'm so impressed with the wisdom that I read here so often. With that said, I wanted to see if anyone had any advice or ideas that has worked for them when the child is having a meltdown. Our son who turned 5 a couple of months ago has been with us for almost 4 months now. He's a wonderful bright little boy who can be so loving. He's a real joy. Not really sure that he has attachment issues as he looks us in the eye, loves to be cuddled and touched. However he does have to be in control all the time. We're his 7th placement in less than 5 years so you can imagine why he'd have contol issues.When ds goes into a rage (usually about once a day) we almost always have to restrain him. He will not stay in a chair next to me or in his room. He'd tear things up if we forced him to stay and left him alone in his room. I try to get him to take a 5 minute time in sitting next time but he's so defiant that he won't stay. I end up having to take him to his room where he meltdown. So, what I'm wondering is if anyone has any ideas that have worked to calm children down other than just restraining them until they calm. He hates to be restrained but we tell him that we're going to hold him until he stops trying to hit and kick and bit us or himself. Once he calms down he's usually completly compliant and remorseful and we're able to talk about what happened. We do use a reward chart system and if he makes it through the day without losing control of his anger (he can get angry just not lose control) then he gets tokens that build up for a reward. He gets tokens for other positive behaviors as well. He really likes that .We've been seeing a play therapist but she doesn't specialize in foster or adoptive children and she tells me just to make a safe spot for ds to rage but what she doesn't get is he won't stay there. This Friday dh and I are going to see a licensed therapist who specializes in attachment disorders and children and families who are adopting. Hopeing she's able to help.Sorry this is soooo long. Any ideas would be great!:thanks:Lisa
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I think once he's raging, restraining him is the best option. However, looking for ways to stop him a head of time might help. One thing I did was to keep a journal. I wrote down what happened before the rage, what happened after(calmness, any issues brought out etc) and what he'd eaten when that day.
I used the journal to look for patterns. Did certain foods make it worse? Were they the same time of day? Is he tired? Was he doing something that frustrated him?
If you can figure out the triggers, it will help you help him find better ways or learn to use his words to handle these situations rather then raging.
Good luck with the new therapist. Hope he/she can give you some insight and ideas.
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One book that has helped me in dealing with my son's rages (and I hate to say, he was five when we got him and is 8 now, and still raging, just not as often), is the book The Explosive Child by Ross W Greene. He gives real ways to deal with the rages, and ways to avoid them. Also, with the varying case stories it makes you feel like you really are not dealing with this alone. Actually, was just thinking the other day it is time for me to read it the third time!
Also, check out the Special Needs forums. You will find advice and stories from other parents dealing with this type of behavior. We also meet in "chat" Tuesdays and Fridays, starting at ... ummm.. I think it starts at 9pm eastern. If I am wrong someone correct me. I am west coast, so I am usually late!