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I realize I've only posted her a handful of times but I wanted to share our exciting news. We are from Utah but I have had to stay in Michigan since the end of October because our daughters birthfather decided to contest the adoption after she was born. All of our valient efforts to get ICPC to let us come home failed and I have had to live here for three months with our baby.
We had a court hearing yesterday and her birthfather made an absolute fool of himself in front of the Judge and the court. Their cause had definately tanked south and in order to get things finished quickly our attorney offered them a plea deal. The deal is that we would send pictures of our daughter to their family once a year until she is age five. And that we would have one visit before we leave for Utah. We found out this afternoon that he has accepted the plea deal and HAS SIGNED THE RELINQUISHMENT PAPERS. His rights are now irrevocable with NO CHANCE OF APPEALS!!! Halleluja.
We are driving up tomorrow to the court with our daughters birthmother where she will be signing the relinquishment papers at the courthouse. We are so relieved. This adoption has been h**l for us because we never expected to be involved in a contested adoption. Though supportive at first, he changed his tune after she was born. We are so grateful the the Judge was able to see him for who he really was... a troubled teenager from a dysfunctional family and constantly in trouble with the law. I'm so happy!
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How old was the father of the baby? Was he a young teen?
I feel very sad for him right now. I know how courts tend to railroad people and even though he may have some trouble in his past he might have been a good father.
I hope the pain he's in right now from losing his daughter passes and he gets through it. I hope his parents, the grandparents of this little girl, will also get past the pain of losing their grandchild too.
I never have gotten past the pain of losing my daughter to adoption. I don't think I ever will. That was 32 years ago. I wasn't a troubled teen either. Just one that made a mistake. (both in getting pregnant and after getting pregnant not running away and keeping my daughter). I really feel for this boy.
Rylee
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I actually feel bad for most bparents...however I also went through a contested adoption...so I'm happy for you as well.
The bdad in our case wasn't a teenager, but he had zero stability to offer...no permanent residence, etc...and in the end, didn't show up to the trial or phone in for the hearing.
So as bad as I feel for bparents who lose custody, I'm equally happy that the child will be in a stable home. Love for a child isn't enough, if you put your own comfort first. Youth isn't always a valid reason for placing, neither is money.
Adoption is 2 sides of the same coin, there will always be pain and joy associated with any adoption.
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How old was the father of the baby? Was he a young teen?
I feel very sad for him right now. I know how courts tend to railroad people and even though he may have some trouble in his past he might have been a good father.
Her birthfather just turned 15 a month ago. In January he had three new police reports on him, and his probation officer sent him to live in the juvenile home for a month because he was "getting too out of control for her to handle". If this boy truely was willing to show the court his intentions he at least should have shaped up his life over the past four months while he has been trying to win paternity. He was released from the "juvie" the week before the trial. He spent two weeks last year in drug rehab for an overdose. We've seen the opening page of his myspace page and this boy's lanuage is laced with vile filth, racism and hatred. HES NOT A GOOD KID. And while I am sad for him, I am sad for the choices in his life that he has made. He's absoluely not a place in his life right now where he could be a good father to a child. The judge about laughed him out of the courtroom about some of the things he told the judge about his plan of taking care of her. It was pretty sad actually.
Our daughters birthmother is amazing and I admire her in so many ways. She did not choose adoption because she didn't love her or was unable to care for her. She choose adoption out of love for her daughter. She wanted her to be raised by both a mother and a father, and for her to have all the opportunities that she as a young teenager would not be able to give her. Her choice was truely a sacrifice and out of love. She's an amazing woman, even at the young age of 16.
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If all of what you say is true about this boy, then yes I suppose it is better for the baby to have not gone to him.
How was he paying for the contested adoption? Was his parents trying also to get custody of his daughter?
You're also right that he should have tried harder not to be in trouble if he wanted his daughter.
It's too bad that at least the pictures couldn't have been continued during the baby's lifetime until she turned 18 and could make the decision as to whether she wants to see him or not to have any type reunion.
What is the contact the first mom is going to have and when is that going to be cut off if at all? Just wondering about that.
Rylee
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Since he is a minor still, there is always hope for him to become a good citizen,IMO. After all, the painful loss of one's own child is quite a stern lesson for youth to learn about life and a high price to pay for a grieving parent of ANY age. I know you are happy for yourself, but can you please tone down your gleeful smear of a minor birthfather? If he was not a minor, I would not feel it was quite so cruel but It is very disturbing to me. Thank you.
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