a-moms, am i asking too much?

No I don't think you are asking too much, but I do think you need to think about how you will feel if she says no. How will you cope? How will you react? How will you feel? How will you move on without having those possible feelings of resentment and anger get in the way of the relationship with amom?

it never hurts to ask. I can understand a mom trying to sheild her son from a situation that may make him uncomfortable, but I have no clue if this is the case. Does he know all of your family? Do his parents? Is he close with you and your fiancee? all factors involved if it were me. Now in our situation, I fully expect Belle to be in E's wedding when the time comes. She's also a girl, which is different, its like being a princess. also she has a little sister being born anyday to her bmom and we are very involved in having a "little sister"

No, I don't think you're asking too much. That being said, though, I'm not really sure how I'd react if my girls were asked to be in their b-mom's wedding. Probably in large part because we don't have visits and the girls don't really "know" her. Sounds like you have a more hands-on relationship with your son, so that shouldn't be a factor. I can understand him being uncomfortable - because he's nine! - but his mom does owe you an answer and an explanation if she says "no." Hope things work out well for you. And CONGRATULATIONS on your upcoming wedding!

Thank you for all the responses. She wrote me back a very short response saying i can ask him and see what he says. I think I should call him and talk about it in person. I don't know, He's not going to see it from an adults/mothers/brides perspective and I wish his a-parents could encourage it. At least she finially let me know!

Get over yourself - how involved are you with this child? Do you know what he likes and does not like? You are happy for someone else to raise him, but you want to parade him in public. I am a birthmom from closed adoption days, and as painful as that was, I believe that I knew I was not capable to give that child the love she deserved, but trust me, a child I asked someone else to raise, would never be asked to parade in public so I feel good. give the parents a break and give your child the freedom of being adopted!!!!!

*EDITED BY MODERATOR TO REMOVE RESPONSE TO RUDE POST WHICH WAS DELETED* M-mom I myself being from a closed adoption have no clue as to if I would feel comfortable participating in my bmom's wedding so I cannot really answer. I would hope that the amom would at least give you an answer with an explaination. How is your relationship with your bson? You you see each other enough for him to feel comfortable around your fiance and family? He is also at a tough age when it comes to things like this. I hope that if he does decline that you understand that it may not be amom stopping him. As another poster mentioned, if he does decline I hope that this would not tarnish your relationship. EZ

You obviously didn't read the original post very closely. Otherwise, you would have seen that she is an OPEN adoption with her son and his parents. The whole scene is completely different than the one you knew thru closed adoption. Are you always so harsh and rude when joining new forums?

[/QUOTE] I believe that I knew I was not capable to give that child the love she deserved[QUOTE] radagk- I always knew i loved my birth son, and I ALWAYS will. Me getting pregnant at the age of 16 and choosing adoption was a financial/age situation not a question of love. My birthson knows my parents as grandma and grandpa, my brothers as uncles and my nieces and nephews as cousins. All of my other family is going to participate in my wedding, and me asking my bitrhson to do so as well is not to "parade" him as you have so rudly accused but to honor him as a loved family member.

I'd ask her if she thinks her son may feel uncomfortable for some reason. It may just be that he's "9" and doesn't "go" for that kind of thing...and she may be struggling with whether or not she should "make" him do it and in the meantime doesn't want to hurt your feelings. When our son's birthmom was getting married, she wanted all of us to stand up in the wedding (plus DH to walk her down the aisle). We asked if we could think about it...we were uncomfortable doing so because although we had an OA, we only saw her a couple times a year, her family treated us poorly and had only met her fiance once...Ultimately her mom had a HUGE problem with it, so that was that... Although she married last year (we weren't invited this time - circumstances were different - she had a new fiance and child), had we been asked we would probably had said no...her mom no longer acknowledges our son as her grandson...her extended family makes my son very uncomfortable when they do happen to be around him, so I would not have put him in that situation. Now on the other hand, we have a great relationship with our youngest son's birthmom and her whole family. They've never made him feel "less than" because she placed him for adoption. If she were to ask if he could stand up in the wedding, we would definately say yes... For us, it is all about the personality of our children, and the comfort level we feel with their firstfamilies. Hopefully she will be honest with you if you ask...wanting him to share in your special day is not too much to ask on your part...it also isn't too much to ask that she answer you honestly. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

I don't think your asking for too much. I just think you deserve an honest answer. It's either a "yes" or a "no"...It stinks to keep you in limbo.

I have a ten year old. I think that the amom's problem is that the 9 year old does not want to go to a wedding "how boring" I don't think it would matter who's wedding it was. I think this is a good time for his mom to teach him that sometimes we do things for others even when we don't really like it. But that is just my opinion

I just wanted to let you all know I have deleted the post by ragdak which was rude and disrespectful. I have also deleted any posts which were responding to that post, so the flow of the thread would not be interrupted. The moderator team at adoption.com works very hard to keep the forums a safe place for all. This means not allowing blatantly disrespectful posts.

I apologize if my post was in anyway offensive. My intentions were not to create any kind of hostile drama. It just saddened me and I reacted. Adoption brings out so many emotions and I understand that things can get heated. It is easy to get carried away. Moderators, Thank you for staying on top of these things and keeping this place safe. EZ

EZLuv - I did not delete part of your post because what YOU said was rude. I deleted part of your post because you had responded to the rude post which I deleted. I didn't want others coming into the thread and wondering what everyone was talking about when I had deleted a post that people had referenced in their posts. :)

I just watched a family wedding dvd and i noticed that an eight-and-a-half-year-old nephew of the groom was the ring bearer...