Confused Mom

Fathers rights and judges.. I just watched the Dr Phil show on fathers rights.. and what I got from it is there needs to be a judge involved to make sure that the baby gets priority.. Or I hope that is the way.. I am so sorry you are having to go through this.. so very sorry.. What does your mom want you to do? My mom wanted me to give him up.. Jackie

Have you sought out any unbiased counseling?? I think it's extremely important for you to sort out all your thoughts, fears, and hopes before placing your baby for adoption. And a good counselor can help you sort it all out. There is a member here on the forums, Brenda Bromanchik, who can probably steer you in the right direction if you don't know the names of any counselors who work with expectant mothers. This is the biggest decision you will ever make in your life. It is not an easy road, trust me on that one. I've lived with the consequences of my relinquishment decision for 36 years now. For some women, placing a baby for adoption may be the best decision. Some women, however, find adoption to be a permanent solution to a temporary problem, usually a lack of financial resources and/or emotional support from other family members. If the main reason you're planning an adoption for your baby is because of financial difficulties, please be aware that there are many government programs that can assist you in caring for your child. You mentioned that you're living at home with your parents again. How is that going? Do they want you to place the baby for adoption?

Yes, I am fairly certain that the court system must be involved in order to have the father's rights terminated. My mom & dad both want me to give the baby up because of my current situation, and I agree with them.

No, I have not sought out any counseling because I know that this is the right decision for me. I am not in a position either financially or emotionally to take care of a child when I cannot even take care of myself. Yes, there is plenty of assistance out there with the government, but it is truly limited. They cannot come out to your house and take care of your child in the beginning for you when you don't know what to do. Living with my parents is going okay. They just want to make sure that I have a healthy pregnancy and that the baby is delivered with as little complication as possible. They do want me to place the baby for adoption, but I agree with them, because I know that I am not ready to take care of a child, and me placing my child up for adoption would be the best for him or her.

I'm sorry to hear that you don't want any counseling. Even though you are secure in your decision to place your child for adoption, you probably are going to feel some pretty heavy emotions of grief and loss after the baby is gone. A counselor could help you prepare for this. I'm not sure where you live, but most states require the birthfather's consent for relinquishment, especially if he has acknowledged the child as his own. Whatever adoption agency and/or attorney you use for relinquishment will be able to tell you all about what paternal rights he may or may not have.

i had a similar situation as yours...i decided to place my dd and birthfather came out of nowhere and said HE was going to parent, which was a total joke. i would never leave him alone with my child....anyways, i love my open adoption and believe that it is a good choice for moms who just arent in the place to parenting. only you know wheather or not you are there. if you dont want the grandmother to raise the kid, i dont think you have to let her just because she is family. she would have to go through all the typical adoption proceedures and then you would have to choose her etc etc. its expensive and takes a while so it wouldnt even happen in time. in my state (oregon) you sign a paper saying birthfather did not live with you., support you, buy you things etc during your pregnancy and then he is not considered th father, unless you are married. i suggest finding a really good open adoption agency in your area and go in there and ask them the laws in your state regarding birthfathers. good luck mama~~hugs!

yeah, mine is the same way. would never want to leave my child alone with him. it's not that i don't want my parents to raise my child, it's that they are not in a position to.

I am not saying I do not need counseling period, but that I do not need counseling in order to help me decide whether adoption is the right thing for me or not. I am simply not in a position to take care of a baby right now. It's not about me. It is about my child and his/her best interest.

I find it interesting that only until you decided on adoption, the bfather got involved, but even still, he doesn't want to raise this child, but hand the baby off to his mom to raise. He could still have involvement and possible contact through an open adoption, but I realize the open adoptions don't always stay open. Still, I cannot help but wonder if the bfather is trying to save face or control the situation all of a sudden since you made your mind up on placement, but in reality doesn't have that much interest in this child. You will need to look into what his rights are though and prepare yourself. I would do this sooner rather than later and a good agency can explain all of this to you and walk you through your options and his. If he wants to take it to court and you still wish to relinquish, would you feel comfortable if he were to be granted custody and you terminating all your rights? OTOH, given he is on probation and whatever else is in his background, a judge may agree that placement is in the child's best interest anyway. Good luck to you with all of this. It is a lot to have hanging over your head, but once you get all the info as to what his rights are, you'll be able to have more clarity in the situation.

I just think that the bfather is trying to control the situation just to make things difficult. He will not relinquish his rights, and I definitely would not be comfortable if he were to be granted custody and my rights to be terminated. HE is just wanting to be involved for monetary reasons. I already know that placement is the best option.